


Spacetime, Sexuality, and Other Complex Conundrums

by planet_plantagenet



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Anxiety, Awkward Kissing, Can Town (Homestuck), Coming Out, Conversations, Everyone Is Gay, Feelings Jams, First Dates, First Meetings, Fluff, Happy Ending, John in Denial About His Sexuality, LGBTQ Themes, Lack of Communication, Literal Sleeping Together, Love Triangles, M/M, Memories, Meteorstuck, Movie Night, Multi, Nightmares, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, Past Child Abuse, Polyamory, Quadrant Confusion, Retcon Timeline, Sexuality Crisis, Sharing a Bed, Sleepovers, Sloppy Makeouts, Slow Burn, Timeline Shenanigans, Trans Dave Strider, Truth or Dare, What-If, background rosemary and vrisrezi, i think this counts as a slow burn?, shipstuck???, wow i use that trope a lot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-12-01
Packaged: 2019-06-26 17:35:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 77,548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15667995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/planet_plantagenet/pseuds/planet_plantagenet
Summary: After retconning the timeline, John Egbert wakes up at the beginning of the ship's three-year journey with his memories as well as his retcon powers intact. Now that he can travel anywhere in time and space, albeit with some caveats, he decides make the trip a lot less lonely and visit his friends on the meteor.With all the kids able to see each other, and what with relationship dynamics such as Karkat's not-so-caliginous crush on John (as well as general confusion and self-reflection on the topic of sexual identity), things get very complicated very fast.





	1. a fresh start

**Author's Note:**

> another multi-chapter fic, hell yeah! hope you guys enjoy!

The world slowly comes into focus. It’s bright yellow and seems to swirl before you. Prospit-colored. You’ve been here before, haven’t you.

You blink, and drag your eyes upwards. All your motions are slow, as if a cursor on a lagging computer is controlling your body. The sky is a greenish darkness, and multicolored lights streak past at speeds you can’t begin to imagine.

Oh, you’re on the ship again.

Again? You’ve been here for days, haven’t you? Weeks? Jade went god tier and shrunk all your planets and punched a hole in a giant window with a stolen Prospitian ship. Right?

You stumble around, gaining more control of your body with every step you take. You’re getting the distinct feeling that you should be taller. Wasn’t your hair a little different last time you checked? That was… when was that? What’s the last thing you remember?

Uh… you were watching a movie with Davesprite, weren’t you? You came back up to the ship to see what Jade was up to? See if you could alchemize some cool new shit?

You recall a cool breeze, a clean planet, a multitude of fireflies, a warm hand in yours.

It all comes back to you, though with a fuzziness, as if it happened a few months ago. The three years on the ship. Sticking your arm into the goddamn glowing house thing. Meeting up with your friends. Fighting Caliborn. Watching Rose die. And then all the retcon shit, that you’re not even gonna try to sort out in your still-sluggish brain.

“John?” comes a voice from behind you. You spin around. Jade. She’s quirked an eyebrow at you, obviously realizing that something is off, but not being able to pinpoint exactly what.

“Yeah?”

“You good?”

“Uh.” You blink a couple more times. Recalling your newfound memories is something like looking back on a particularly vivid dream. “Just feeling weird.”

“Okay,” she says, and she doesn’t sound particularly concerned. That’s good, you suppose.

*

Over the next few days, you come to the conclusion that the events in your future memories didn’t actually happen. That’s not to say they aren’t real memories, whatever that means—you’ve tried to forget them, or let them slip into oblivion the way dreams do, but to no avail. They might be as real as your brain is, but they came from a timeline that never really happened, even if its effects are still felt.

Okay, maybe all of that is bullshit—you’re just a Breath player with weird extracanonical powers (is that a word? it seems the best way to describe your situation, even if you’re not entirely sure what it means) trying to wrap your mind around timeline intricacies that’d be best suited for a Time or Mind player. Who cares if it did or didn’t happen. You’re just going to see what happens  _ now, _ in this timeline brought about by your own efforts, and maybe everyone won’t die this time.

The problem with that, though, is that however much you try to enjoy your time with Jade and Davesprite, you’re just doing things you’ve done before. Yeah, you remember seeing that movie with Jade before. You remember that she hated it. You show it to her anyway. Predictably, she hates it.

It takes you a stupidly long time to realize that, hold up, this is your chance at a do-over. A fresh start. You remember plenty of boring and frustrating moments on the ship trip of the pre-retcon timeline. What if you don’t have to repeat them this time?

Close to the end of the journey, last time, the two of you had begun to watch the original Star Trek series, with Davesprite popping up sometimes to offer snide commentary on the special effects. Both of you ended up loving it, but never got a chance to finish it, or watch any of the other series. This time, you suggest it earlier. It piques Jade’s interest just as much as you remember, and soon becomes a staple of the time you’ve allotted for movie-watching (which is most of the time). Victory #1 for post-retcon John!

You want to tell her about your memories. And you probably should. But you don’t, for a while. You’ve got no idea how you’d explain it all, for one thing. And how much does it even matter? Maybe you’re just worried, irrationally, that she’d see you differently if you tell her, that she’d think you’re not the “real” John, or something stupid like that.

A week or so after you first crash-landed in this timeline (or were you always here? your body certainly was, you’re very much thirteen years old), you do end up telling her.

“You know how sometimes, when a doomed timeline dies, you end up getting memories from that timeline?” is how you phrase it.

Jade blinks. “That’s an interesting thought. It’s never happened to me, though I guess merging with Jadesprite was a similar experience.”

“That happened to me last week,” you tell her quietly. Her eyebrows go up.

“Wow! What was the doomed timeline like?”

“Uh… we got to the other session, but stuff went wrong and everyone died.”

To your surprise, Jade laughs. “Sounds pretty doomed.”

“Then one of the trolls helped me go back in time and fix everything. It was really wild.”

“Yeah, sure sounds like it!” She seems pretty chill about it, as if you’re talking about a movie you saw, or a dream you had. Not something that actually happened to you, in some way or another. You guess it’s just something you can’t understand unless you’ve experienced it yourself.

How’s Roxy doing? you find yourself wondering frequently. Does she remember everything too? Or did paradox space glitch when it reset the game, forgetting to delete your previous save file?

You don’t suppose it matters all that much. It’s just memories, however intense and possibly traumatic they may be.

You soon find out that it’s not just memories. Not at all.

*

You couldn’t control the zaps when you first got the power. (spacetime jumps? spontaneous translocations? zaps is easier) Then you could control them very well—with help from Terezi and Typheus along the way, of course. Now? Well, you didn’t think you had to worry about it anymore.

Turns out you do. And you can’t control it anymore. (you are like a little baby. the baby is you.) One moment you’re sitting with a bunch of salamanders, discussing the fine points of fashion as pertains to rumpled head objects (and defending your fantastic hood against any slander), next you’re on top of some huge teal building, under a green and red sky that crackles with bright white lightning. It reminds you vaguely of Japanese architecture.

You look down, almost involuntarily, and—holy fuck, it’s really tall. Your nerves kick in instantly, and you cling to the top of the spire, willing your incorrigible retcon abilities to take you back to the comfort of Jade’s ship. They do no such thing.

Breathe in, breathe out. You stay there for a couple minutes, completely still. Maybe you just need to recharge for a second?

Sure enough, the next time you try, you focus your mind on the ship and the exact instant you were whisked away. There’s a flash of light, blue around the edges, and then you’re back where you started, slightly dazed and 100% more exhausted.

The second time it happens, you’re taken to Derse. Which session’s Derse? You have no idea. You duck behind one of the intricately patterned arches to hide from a crowd of black carapacians, and wait for your powers to take you back.

The third time, it’s a planet that’s definitely not Earth, yet also definitely not any of your friends’ in-game lands. Judging by the purple sky, the weirdly-shaped buildings, the unfamiliar script that’s everywhere, and the large portraits of a woman who looks like a troll crossed with a fuchsia fish, it’s Alternia. Not many people are out on the streets, fortunately. You hide behind a bush, watching the few passers-by.

This time, it takes a lot longer for you to regain control over your abilities. Jumping from place to place never used to tire you out so much. Maybe it’s because it’s a remnant of a timeline that never really existed, a gift you should’ve lost but stubbornly clung to.

You can’t help but stare at every troll that walks past. They’re all so different, yet all have the same grey skin, orange horns, and weird, colored symbols on their clothing. And then—hold on a second, is that a human in a bathrobe—?

You’re zapped away before you can properly analyze what you just saw. Oh well. It couldn’t have been a human, anyway. Just a troll with dyed hair and really short horns or something.

*

You’re lying awake in bed when a thought comes to you, startlingly clear. You have to figure out how to control this power, so you can see your friends on the meteor.

First, you try to zap from your bed to the other end of the room. You make sure to focus on the time aspect of it as well as space—you want to arrive as soon as you leave. Soon enough, after a couple attempts, you figure out the best way to do this.

Those couple attempts leave you exhausted, and you have to lie down on your bed for a few moments before you can attempt the big jump to the meteor. Travel in space, but not in time. You don’t want to turn up just as their journey is ending, or before it even starts.

You visualize the meteor. You’ve seen it, though Jade’s spacey portal thing which you used to send them the bucket and the note. Other than that one part, you’re not entirely sure what it looks like. But that should be enough.

You close your eyes, focus, and jump.

It’s quiet, cool, and dark. The floor is hard and smooth under your feet. You leave your eyes closed for a couple seconds, willing yourself to keep standing, to stay awake.

“John?? What the  _ fuck???” _ comes a voice from behind you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> spot the friendsim reference (hint: it's the person in the bathrobe on alternia)


	2. you love your friends, but boy are they awkward

You whirl around, suddenly very awake. It’s Karkat. His eyes are wide and he’s taken a step back into what you might describe as a defensive position, knees bent and arms thrown out at his sides.

You wave. “Hi Karkat!”

“You  _ can’t _ be here again,” he’s yelling. “I refuse to believe you’re here. You’re just a figment of my perpetually spiteful imagination, born from the darkest, dirtiest holes in my think pan to torment me with your despicable pajama-clad image. What are you going to do this time? Punch Vriska again? Maybe punch  _ me? _ No, what am I thinking, of course you’re not gonna do that—”

“No, I’m not here to punch anyone!” You have to stop yourself from smirking and adding  _ as much as you’d like me to. _ “And, uh. I’m not future John this time.”

This, of course, makes no sense. Karkat eyes you. “And what the bulgeguzzling fuck is that supposed to mean??”

“It’s complicated, okay?”

“Wow, no shit!”

“Uh… basically, I’m on the ship with Jade, but I just found out I can visit you guys sometimes.”

“Oh, is that so? Then how did you get here? Please, enlighten me—”

“Karkat! Calm down!” You reach a hand over in an attempt to pap him on the cheek, as you’ve heard trolls do sometimes, but he jumps away, looking at you as if you just tried to sock him in the face.

“What?? Do you think I’m your fucking moirail, Egbert?”

“Aren’t you glad to see me?”

“If ‘glad’ means ‘ready to keel over and die on the fucking spot,’ yeah, I’m goddamn overjoyed to see your shitstained face on my meteor!” There’s a hint of something in his eyes that isn’t quite rage, but no less passionate. It’s beginning to make you a little uncomfortable.

“All right, have fun keeling over and dying, I’m just gonna go see if any of my other friends are here—”

You begin to walk away, but Karkat’s hand catches your shoulder and pulls you back towards him. “You get right the fuck back here, Jo—”

His voice dies in his throat as he realizes just how close you are. Way too close for comfort.

“Hi,” you say.

Karkat responds by kissing you.

You… okay, you can’t say you didn’t see that coming. Surely you turning up on the meteor, yet again, with absolutely jack shit for an explanation, is not going to help him get over his hate-crush (or whatever the hell it’s turned into). But instead of pushing him away, or anything else you  _ should _ do, you just kind of freeze, and melt into him, and let him kiss you because in that moment you have absolutely no idea what to do.

It’s kind of—no, it’s not kind of nice, it’s incredibly awkward and weird, but at least he’s making sure his sharp teeth don’t accidentally hurt you or anything? For some reason you thought the teeth would be an essentially part of hate-snogging, but maybe—

Then he stops, and pulls back, and looks at you, his arms still around your neck and his hand still in your hair, and you see his eyes go very wide.

“Holy fucking shit,” he says, and pushes you away, taking a couple steps back. “That was the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. Why am I such a fucking horny dumbass. I want to shove my think pan into a pool of lava and let it marinate for ten thousand years. Jegus.”

You don’t really know what to say to that.

“That was really fucking dumb and inconsiderate and I’m sorry. Let’s never talk about this again.”

Sounds like a great idea to you. You nod numbly. Karkat? Apologizing and seeming genuinely concerned about your well-being? You never thought you’d see the day.

“Right.” He straightens up. “If you want to see Dave, he’s all the way down there in the room at the end. Probably.”

Karkat points in the general direction, and absconds immediately afterwards. You can’t really blame him.

As you walk down the hall, your head still spinning, you suddenly realize that that was technically your first kiss. With an alien. Who’s a boy. And you’re not gay. Shit. Well, you’re not going to dwell on that right now. Or ever. Two minutes on the meteor and it’s already gotten awkward.

*

Dave is, in fact, in the room Karkat was pointing towards. There’s a sign on the door—in red marker, on what looks like printer paper. “can town,” it says, in all lowercase, with a couple shittily drawn cans circling it. Yeah, Dave made this.

You open the door, and are surprised to see how huge it is. The ceiling is high, and the floor’s surface area is about the same as that of a school gym. There are cans everywhere, stacked into shapes resembling buildings, with chalk drawings on the floor (that look like the layout of an actual town), the walls, and even the ceiling. Dave is sitting on the far end, his legs criss-crossed, his back to you. Next to him is a small person who you recognize as a carapacian, dressed entirely in beige rags. He drops the chalk he’s holding when he spots you. Not for the first time, you feel nervous.

Dave jumps up and whips around. His mouth is slightly open, and you can’t read his face. (Especially not with his shades on, not that you’d know if he was less expressive without them.)

“Who the fuck are you,” he finally says. That… is not the answer you were expecting.

You come closer, hopping over the can buildings and making sure not to smudge the chalk roads and trees. “Uh, Dave?”

“John…?” Okay, he recognizes your voice at least.

“Yeah!”

“Holy shit,” he says.

“I got weird powers that let me travel places,” you tell him before he can ask. “So I came here for a little bit. It’s nice to meet you!” As if you hadn’t met him before, in the other timeline. But hey, it’s his first time meeting you, and it seems a little more  _ real _ for you as well.

“Oh. Yeah. Wow.” Dave, surprisingly, seems at a loss for words. He scans you up and down, taking in your god tier outfit, your outrageously long hood, and of course your smiling face. “Nice costume.”

“Thanks! Yours is super cool too; I love the cape.”

He walks toward you, gesturing you to a part of the town where no cans are in danger of being knocked over by careless steps. His arms are spread slightly. “Can I, uh….”

“Bro hug??” You’re so ready. (At least he doesn’t want to kiss you too.)

Dave’s mouth turns upwards slightly. “Yeah.”

You rush towards him and envelop him in a crushing hug. He awkwardly folds his arms around you, and you put your chin on his shoulder. You can feel his heart beating in his chest. Behind him, the little carapacian watches with wide eyes.

“Who’s this dude?” You gesture to him, knowing Dave can’t see you.

He straightens up, stepping away from you and looking over his shoulder. “Oh, the Mayor? No idea actually. Just some guy. Turned up on the meteor with a hole through him.”

“Dead??”

“I dunno, John, usually people don’t die when they get a giant hole blasted through their fucking stomach, but who knows, this could be a special case.”

You roll your eyes. “How’d you revive him though?”

“Ghosts with life powers or some shit.”

“Cool.”

The Mayor is pointing and gesturing at you, making little noises in the back of his throat. It looks kind of like sign language?

“What’s he saying?”

Dave shrugs. “Can’t really understand him well yet. Usually I get him to write stuff down for me.”

Sure enough, the Mayor’s run to a different corner of the room, where a plastic box is filled with drawing supplies. He grabs a piece of paper and a green marker and begins to write.

“How’s it been going? On the meteor,” you add, as if it needs clarification. It’s been, what, a couple months?

“It’s okay,” he says in that casual way of his. “Been helping the Mayor with this project a lot.” He gestures toward Can Town. “Karkat helps sometimes.”

“You’ve been hanging out?”

“Yeah, he’s cool.”

You’re about to say something about Karkat—you’re not sure what, definitely not about the thing that just happened between you that you’re trying very hard not to think about—but are interrupted by the Mayor tugging at Dave’s cape. He’s finished writing. Dave takes the paper and give it a long, hard look, his eyebrows rising slowly as he reads.

“Apparently this guy… wait, just look at it yourself.” He hands you the paper.

hello john! you probably don’t remember me, but my name is the wayward vagabond, and i used a text terminal i found on your planet to watch you as you entered your session and to talk to you through your mind. i was sadly quite rude at first, but i think i am growing more accustomed to human culture and communication, and would like to apologize for any distress i may have caused you. i thought you had died when you were stabbed on your oblong stone object, but i’m very happy to see that you’re alive!

“Oh,” is the only thing you say. You look down at the Mayor. He’s beaming at you. So this is the voice in your head that had asked you for a can opener and told you to do the windy thing. You can’t say you were wondering about that all that much. He seems… different, though. More polite, certainly. Also more enthusiastic. “Wow. Okay. Hi.”

“The Mayor’s a fantastic companion,” Dave is saying. “He’s got a great imagination. What else would we do with all these fucking cans, huh?”

You’re not really listening to him. Your mind has wandered to other people on the meteor you’ve been wanting to meet. “Is Vriska here?”

Dave frowns. Or at least you think he does, you can’t really tell. “Very much so. If possible, the spiderbitch seems to be  _ extra _ here. What, you wanna initiate some troll/human sloppy makeouts?”

“Ew! Dave! I never liked her like that!” You’d forgotten about that particular speech of Karkat’s. This probably wasn’t the best time to be reminded of it.

“Good, she’s a pain in the fucking ass. And besides, she’s been hanging out with Terezi the entire time. Can’t catch her away from her girlfriend.”

“Wait, they’re girlfriends??” This is news to you. “Is Vriska gay?”

“Dunno. Don’t really care. They’re pretty damn close though.”

And Terezi tried to kill her. Man, what is it with these trolls? You suppose it makes sense, though; you got the feeling that Vriska was more friends with Terezi than she was with Kanaya or Karkat or any of the humans. Including you? Yeah, including you.

The adrenaline from meeting Karkat and Dave has all but faded, and suddenly you’re feeling exhausted again. The question is, do you have the energy to make another jump? You need to get back to Jade before she—wait, no, it’s designated nighttime on the ship; she’s not gonna be awake anyway. And besides, you could always just zap back to the exact moment you left. But you really don’t feel like travelling in time; that could have consequences later that you can’t foresee. Better just to not mess with it.

“I should go,” you tell Dave.

“What, back to the ship?”

“Yeah. I’m pretty tired.”

“Oh. Okay. I’ll… see you later then?”

“Yeah!” Man, this is awkward. You’re just kinda standing there, a couple feet apart. “Tomorrow maybe?”

“Sure. I’ll tell Rose you’re coming.”

Rose! For a second you’d completely forgotten about her. You’re excited to meet her—normal Rose, non-grimdark Rose who isn’t seeping black smoke and babbling in the language of the horrorterrors.

“Cool,” you say, focus your mind, and zap back to the ship.

Back in your bed, you fall asleep almost immediately.


	3. more friends, wow!

Jade wakes you up the next morning—or, well, whatever counts as “morning” in an extradimensional void. Your head hurts; it feels sluggish in the way that it does when you go to bed too late and sleep in too much. You’ve got no idea what time it is.

“You slept almost twelve hours,” she says. “Are you okay?”

“I was really tired last night,” you tell her.

“How come? We weren’t really doing anything particularly strenuous. Although, come to think of it, we probably should be getting exercise—we want to be in shape when we get to the new session!” She leaves the implied addition to her sentence unsaid— _and fight Lord English._

“Um.” You try to summon the willpower to sit up. It doesn’t happen. “It’s kind of a long story.”

Jade plops down at the foot of your bed. “We’ve got time. Three years, in fact!”

You groan and turn over onto your other side. “Maybe later? It’s kind of important.”

“Important?”

“Yeah. It’s about the doomed timeline stuff I told you about.”

Her eyes widen. “We’re not in danger, are we?”

“Uhh, I don’t think so.”

“Good.” Jade stands. “Tell me when you’re feeling up to it! I’ll go play video games or something.”

You didn’t realize Jade liked video games. You remember she never enjoyed any of the ones you showed her… but maybe that’s just because your tastes are pretty different. You’re about to ask her about it, but she’s already disappeared.

*

An hour later, after you’ve taken a shower and mostly woken up, you seek out Jade. She’s in one of the ship’s more spacious rooms, playing a game you vaguely recognize as Spore. Of course she’d like that one; it’s all about creating your own animals. You sit next to her at the bright yellow table, watching as her creature, which looks a bit like a green dog, mercilessly attacks a group of purple giraffes. Or something like that.

“So,” you begin, clutching your mug of coffee (you hate coffee, but at least it’ll keep you awake), “Turns out that, uh, memories aren’t all I inherited from that doomed timeline.”

Jade’s creature is victorious. She grins, then shuts off her computer, turning her full attention towards you. “Yeah?”

“I also got these weird powers. They let me travel anywhere in time and space.”

“Wow, way to one-up me!” is her response, but she’s grinning. “How did _that_ happen?”

“I stuck my arm in a magic house thing?” Okay, that sounds really stupid if you put it that way. “I’m not really sure.” You don’t mention that your powers can change timelines without dooming them. That’s a bit too much for you to wrap your head around right now. Jade probably could, but… oh well.

“Interesting! And somehow these powers have transferred to you in this timeline.”

“Yeah. Or like…” You pause. You don’t really like phrasing it like this, but it’s seeming more and more accurate. “When I was dumped back into this timeline, I kept my memories and my powers.”

Her eyebrows rise. “You’re from another timeline, then?”

“No! No, that’s not what I… okay, maybe, but that’s not what it feels like. I still… _belong_ in this timeline, you know? I’m not, like, a visitor.” That doesn’t make much sense, now that you think about it, but Jade seems to understand, and she nods along.

“Yes. Of course. I didn’t mean to imply that… you weren’t the same John.”

“The problem is,” you continue, “I’m not that great at controlling my powers. It takes a lot of effort to consciously go anywhere.”

“Ah, so different from my powers, then.”

“Yeah, definitely. But, uh, sometimes I can go where I want.”

“Where’d you go, then?”

“To the meteor.”

Jade’s entire face lights up. “To the meteor!! Wow!”

“Yeah! I saw Dave. And Karkat. It was cool.”

“Wow,” she repeats. She suddenly frowns, licks her lips. “Hey, I know you said it takes a lot of effort, but… do you think you could, like… take multiple people?”

Your heart sinks. You knew she was going to ask this. “Uh… I’m still figuring out how to control it. Maybe someday. I did it in the other timeline, but… I don’t know.”

“All right,” says Jade, and attempts a smile, as if it’s no big deal. “Well, I believe in you!”

“Thanks,” you reply.

*

You’re itching to go back to the meteor. You can’t wait to see Rose and Vriska and everyone else. But now that Jade can’t go, or at least not yet, you feel a bit guilty. And besides, you’re not feeling up for another jump right now, even though you told Dave you’d come back today. Who knew travelling through spacetime could be so draining? Jade made it look so easy. But she’s a god of space. You’re not.

So instead, you plan out what you’re going to do when you get there. Talk to Rose, of course. What will you say to her? Maybe you’ll ask about the whole blowing-up-the-sun thing, even though you already know roughly what happened. It’ll be a conversation topic at least.

Your mind, unwillingly, keeps going to Karkat. Now that you think about it, didn’t he once say something about how he never really hated you, he was just deluding himself? Given recent events, you’re not sure how to interpret that anymore. Or maybe it’s not even a hate-crush; he’s just got a plain old crush on you now. In a way, that’s even weirder, because it’s closer to the kind of romance you actually understand. You kind of feel bad that you can’t reciprocate his feelings, though. He’s a pretty fun guy if you do say so yourself.

Two days and quite a few episodes of Star Trek later, you’re ready to go. This time, you tell Jade in advance, and she writes long notes for Rose and Dave in her signature green pen. You put them in your pocket and zap over.

You’d been visualizing Can Town, as it’s the only real landmark you know on the meteor, and sure enough, that’s where you arrive. Neither Dave nor Karkat is here. You feel a tiny pang of relief.

The Mayor is lying on his stomach at the end of the room, absorbed in a book. You can’t see its cover, since it’s on the ground. He looks up when you appear.

“Hey,” you say. “Do you know where Rose is?”

He jumps up to grab a piece of paper. “in the common room, i believe,” he writes. “would you like me to take you there?”

“Sure,” you tell him, and he closes his book and leads you out of the room.

It’s a bit of a trek. The meteor is much larger than you’d thought, and you assume it’s even bigger than the distance between Can Town and the common room. You pass a couple round platforms with strange symbols on the top. The Mayor eyes them with distrust, and keeps walking.

Soon enough, you hear voices, and the Mayor points you towards an open door. You quickly thank him and rush in.

Rose, and a troll you recognize as Vriska, are in the middle of what sounds like a heated argument.

“It’s not that simple!” Vriska yells. “It’s not unhealthy when you do it right. It can be very fulfilling for both people involved. Just because you don’t have it in human culture doesn’t mean it’s automatically terrible!”

“I never said it was terrible,” replies Rose. Her voice is strained but calm. It has a nice cadence to it; it sounds a lot better when she isn’t speaking horrorterror gobbledegook. “I understand if it’s something that some trolls—no, many trolls—would want to engage in. But in my admittedly limited experience, it’s best for a relationship to be more well-rounded. What if one person upsets the other, or doesn’t respect the boundaries of the relationship? Do they talk about it?”

“That’s why you have a moirail!” cries Vriska.

“Yes, but it seems unfair to put that burden on a third party, rather than expecting the caliginous pair to work it out between themselves.”

“John is here,” interrupts Kanaya, who’s sitting on the couch, a cup of steaming liquid in her hands. Both Rose and Vriska freeze, and turn to you.

“John!” cries Rose, her expression turning from a frustrated frown to a warm smile. “Dave told us you’d be visiting. It was hard to believe at first, but now that you’re here again, I believe a proper welcome is in order.” She walks over and hugs you. You grin and wrap your arms around her as well. It’s way less awkward than your hug with Dave.

“If your happy reunion is over,” comes Vriska’s voice after a couple seconds, and you and Rose break apart, “John. I’ve got a question. Just why the fuck did you knock me out??”

“Didn’t Terezi explain?” you ask as both Rose and Kanaya look on in confusion.

“More or less. But I’d like an explanation from you too.” You can hear the implied 8 in _explanation._

“Uh… timeline stuff. Had to make sure you didn’t die.”

“John, what are you talking about?” There’s a hint of worry in Rose’s voice.

You sigh. “It’s, uh, it’s complicated and it involves time travel.”

“I see. Is it in any way related to the reason you’re able to visit us?”

“Yeah, actually.” You explain the short version—the house juju, everyone dying, the retcon, the ship, your newfound memories and powers. It’s more than you told Jade. But Rose, being a Seer, seems like she would get it.

And she does. By the time you’re finished, she’s watching you with a frown of contemplation.

“Interesting,” she says. “But how are you so certain that visiting us like this won’t cause the timeline to veer off in an unpredictable manner?”

You shrug. “Vriska’s here. Doomed Terezi seemed to think Vriska staying alive was pretty important!” Vriska grins at that. “Can’t you use your Seer powers to tell how my zapping will affect the timeline?”

Rose thinks for a second, then shakes her head. “That’s what worries me. Your powers are impervious to my Light vision.”

“I’ll be careful! I won’t go anywhere other than here and the ship. If I can help it. And I’ve been trying not to travel in time at all.”

She still looks skeptical, but she nods slowly. “All right. I trust you.”

“Thanks.”

Rose clears her throat. “Now that we have the timeline questions out of the way, I’m curious about your life on the ship. How is it?”

You fill her in on what you and Jade have been doing—watching Star Trek, playing games, getting to know each other. “It’s more fun than last time,” you add. “Oh! And she wrote this letter she wanted me to give to you. Since I can’t take her over here with me. Or at least not yet.”

You fish the letter out of your pocket—the one that’s folded and labelled “rose!” in a purple pen with Jade’s swirly handwriting. Rose takes it and skims it, smiling as she reads.

“I’ve got one for Dave too,” you tell her. “Where is he?”

“In the lounge, I believe. I’ll take you there.” She nods to Kanaya, glances at Vriska, and shows you out.

“How’ve you been?” you ask once you’re walking down the hallway.

She shrugs. “Fine, for the most part.”

You feel like that isn’t all there is to the story, but don’t press her.

Instead of ignoring the round pedestals like the Mayor did, Rose goes right up to one, pauses for a second, then steps on it. She disappears in a flash of light. You jump, then cautiously walk forward. The light envelops you, then spits you out on a different platform, right next to Rose. She smiles.

“Transportalizers. Very useful.”

You decide not to ask why they aren’t simply called _transporters_ or _teleporters._

“How was blowing up the sun?” you say instead. Rose’s face hardens. “Er. Creating it.”

“It was quite the experience,” she says quietly. “In retrospect, I had very little idea what I was doing. I was ready to die for a cause I didn’t understand. Needless to say, I am very happy to be alive. God tier, even.”

You nod. “Yeah, that sounds pretty crazy. In the old timeline, the one I retconned—I had to watch you die. It wasn’t fun.”

She nods, as if she understands. You don’t think she could understand, even if she tried.

You’ve come to the room where she was leading you. You can hear a loud voice from inside. As you push open the door, you see that it’s Karkat. He and Dave are sitting on the couch in the dark, watching a movie on what looks like a purple computer with spider legs.

“You can’t tell me their relationship isn’t pale as fuck,” Karkat is saying. Er, yelling. He’s louder than the movie’s audio; no wonder they have subtitles on. “How the tall guy was comforting the other guy when the girl rejected him? Classic pale behavior. If you—”

Dave spots you and waves. Karkat’s eyes go to the door, and he stops mid-sentence, staring at you with a look you can only describe as _horrified._

“What are you watching?”

Dave shrugs. “Some shitty romcom. Want to join?”

Karkat begins to protest, but Dave scoots over, making room for you beside him. Rose gives you one last smile, then leaves, closing the door behind her. You flop down next to Dave. Karkat eyes you, then continues his diatribe where he left off, only slightly quieter this time.

You have to agree, the movie is pretty bad. That just makes it more fun to roast with Dave and Karkat though. It’s kind of awkward when you get to the sex scene, but if your friends are embarrassed, they don’t show it. Dave makes some really gross comments about dicks that lead to Karkat asking stupid questions about human anatomy, and oh man, you are so glad you’re not sitting next to him when Dave answers them. You try to focus on the movie, hiding your bright red face.

Once the movie’s over, you stand up to leave, but Dave grabs your hood and pulls you back. “Where are you going?”

“Back to the ship?”

“You don’t want to watch the sequel?”

“There’s a sequel??”

Karkat groans. “Of course there is. Watch it be even shittier than the first.”

“You didn’t like it, Karkat?” asks Dave with mock offense.

“Did you??”

“It’s the very pinnacle of humor. Absolute perfection. I don’t think we can be friends anymore if you don’t agree.”

“Fine! Be that way!” Karkat hops off the couch and flips off Dave. “At least I still have John.”

Your feelings must show on your face, because Karkat falters, suddenly looking very uncomfortable.

“I think,” he adds quietly.

“No! No, we’re buddies, don’t worry about it.” You give Karkat a smile that you hope looks genuine, and scoot over to make room for him on your side.

He sits, but doesn’t look at you. “Let’s just start the movie.”

Dave opens his mouth, perhaps to question the sudden shift in the energy of the room, then thinks better of it and bends over to fiddle with the DVD and the computer. You watch him, all too aware of Karkat’s eyes on the back of your head. Maybe this was a bad idea.

Predictably, the second film is even worse than the first. Fortunately there are no sex scenes this time, but unfortunately, one of the side characters is clearly gay and his not-so-subtle attraction to the male lead is written off as a joke. It’s kind of funny, but also makes you a bit uncomfortable. Dave, oblivious, just laughs through the whole thing. You suppose it’s nothing to worry about. They were just teasing him, after all…

Also predictably, this particular subplot is the subject of Karkat’s tirade at the end of the film. “The protagonist could’ve filled three whole fucking quadrants in this movie!! He was obviously red/black vacillating with the girl, so he could’ve stayed with black there, been pale with his friend from the first movie, and red with the short guy in the hat who was _clearly_ really fucking flushed for him!! But oh no, in human movies you can’t have a red relationship with two men, can you?? Never mind that his dynamic with the girl was so much better suited to caliginous romance…!”

Dave listens to Karkat’s rant as if he’s heard it all before. You expect him to say something like “chill, dude, it’s just a stupid movie,” but he just nods in agreement.

“I should get going,” you say after Karkat’s quieted down. Your stomach is growling; you haven’t eaten anything since you were on the ship.

“Okay,” says Dave. “Nice having you. We should do this again sometime.”

“Yeah! Oh, and Dave…” You hand him the envelope with his name on it. “From Jade.”

“Sweet.” He pockets it.

You stand, waiting for your mind to focus enough to take you back to the ship.

“Aren’t you going?” asks Karkat, his tone accusatory.

“I am,” is the last thing you say before you disappear.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> disclaimer: i know nothing about romcoms. i don't think i've ever watched a romcom in my entire life (except for shakespearean comedies). the movie they watch in this chapter is entirely made up by me. my taste in movies is limited to 1. scifi and 2. kids' movies. in the next chapter i make them watch fucking star wars because i just haven't seen enough dave-and-karkat movies.
> 
> ...rant aside, thanks for reading!


	4. in which star wars and shaving are good ways to bond

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one was really fun to write!! hope you enjoy
> 
> (also i haven't seen star wars in forever so apologies if i got anything wrong)

Although you’re getting better at zapping from place to place with relative speed, and ending up exactly where you wanted to go, it’s not becoming any less tiring. You resolve to try and visit the meteor every other day. That not only gives you a break from teleporting through paradox space, it also gives you more time to spend with Jade.

The two of you finish the original Star Trek series quickly—it’s only three seasons, after all. You both agree they should’ve made more. But the third season was kind of bad overall, so maybe a fourth season would be even worse. You discuss this for a while, then decide to move on to watching the Next Generation.

Meanwhile, the current drama on the meteor is the fact that Karkat has never seen Star Wars. (Or, well, Troll Star Wars, which is called something along the lines of  _ In Which A Lowly Bronzeblooded Farmer On A Faraway Planet Aids Revolutionary Efforts Against Her Imperious Condescension’s Masked Indigoblood Subordinate And Suffers A Swift And Bloody Defeat In His Attempt To Destroy…  _ etc etc.) At first, Karkat stubbornly refuses to watch it with you and Dave, citing the fact that it’s clearly empirical propaganda, and he wants nothing to do with it. However, he becomes much more receptive to the idea once you explain that Human Star Wars is decidedly  _ anti _ -imperialism. (And also once you mention there’s a romance element.)

Which is how the three of you, one night, end up watching not only the first Star Wars film, but also the second and third. (You’ll save the prequels for another day. You don’t want Karkat to be  _ too _ disappointed.)

Karkat is absolutely enraptured. Dave is less so—he’s seen them all before, and as he says, “they’re good, but not my thing.” Not gloriously terrible enough for his taste, you suppose. You’re more than happy to see them again—you’ve watched them more times than you can count, and haven’t had a good rewatch in a while. Granted, you prefer other classic sci-fi like  _ Contact, _ but you just can’t go wrong with Star Wars.

Around the start of the second movie, Karkat curls up on the couch and rests his head on Dave’s shoulder. Dave doesn’t visibly react, but you can feel him stiffen momentarily before relaxing and letting Karkat lean closer against him. He doesn’t fall asleep, though. When Han Solo gets frozen in carbonite he lets out an indignant yell and sits up, beginning a rant about how this  _ can’t _ be the end of his relationship with Leia, they’re so good together and neither of them deserve this, et cetera.

Unfortunately, the reveal of Darth Vader being Luke’s father is lost on Karkat. He demands to know why it’s such a big deal. You have to pause the movie and explain human familial culture to him for perhaps the fifth time.

Karkat spends most of the third movie on Dave’s shoulder again. He gets quite passionate about Leia’s slavery to Jabba the Hutt (“she’s a goddamn princess and an amazing person, she doesn’t deserve to be treated like this, what’s up with that outfit, it’s fucking awful, were the costume designers just perpetually drooling over their sketches, did the actress get a say in whether she wore that or not”), but quiets down after that. For some reason he hates the Ewoks (“they’re so fucking dumb and obnoxious”—you can’t wait until he sees Jar Jar Binks) but isn’t too vocal about that.

You’re getting pretty tired too. Are you brave enough to put your head on Dave’s other shoulder, or is that too gay? Oh well, fuck it, Karkat’s doing it too. You lean against Dave, watching the aftermath of the final battle at an angle.

What surprises you is when Dave moves his arms, putting one over your shoulder and one over Karkat’s. You get a sudden rush of adrenaline for reasons you can’t really explain. You’re about 80% sure Dave’s gesture is ironic, but it feels nice, so you don’t care all that much about its sincerity.

By the time the final credits roll, Karkat is asleep. You hope he got to see Han and Leia together at the end. If not, you can just tell him about it later.

“That was fun,” you murmur. You think you’re about to fall asleep as well.

“Yup,” says Dave.

You should probably leave. But Jade’s definitely asleep by now, so she won’t be missing you. And Dave doesn’t make any moves to get up or shake you off. So you let yourself drift off to sleep.

When you wake up, Dave and Karkat are asleep still, leaning against each other. You quietly remove Dave’s hand from your shoulder, stand up, and zap yourself back to the ship.

*

A couple days later, Terezi approaches you for the first time. She’s seen—er, smelled—you around, and you’ve said hi to each other, but never really had a legitimate conversation. But today, she pulls you aside in the hallway, eyes narrowed slightly and a determined smile on her face.

“It’s very nice of you to come and visit us, John,” she starts, “but I can’t help but feel like you’re making a huge mistake.”

“What?”

“You’re changing the timeline again,” says Terezi matter-of-factly. “That wasn’t supposed to happen.”

“I—no I’m not? I changed the timeline to un-doom it, I did everything you told me to do, and now I’m just participating in the timeline I helped create.”

Terezi takes a big sniff of your face, then sighs. “I don’t pretend to know as much about timeline shit as my doomed self did. But I feel like this all wasn’t supposed to happen! You being here, on the meteor, still with your space-jumping powers. I don’t know why. I can’t say I understand all the Mind stuff that well yet. I thought you would’ve just hopped into the non-doomed timeline after you changed stuff.”

“I tried! But I guess it didn’t work.”

“Apparently not.”

You wait for her to say something else. She doesn’t.

“Is there….” You think of the way to best phrase the question. “Is there a way you could help me control my powers? So that I don’t accidentally fuck up the timeline?”

“Possibly,” she replies after a second. “The easiest way to ensure nothing gets fucked up: stay on your ship!”

“Not gonna happen,” you say, but Terezi’s laughing.

“Right. Okay, here are my three rules.”

“Yeah?”

“One: only go between the meteor and the ship.”

“Got it.”

“Two: no time travel.”

“Believe me, I don’t even want to do that!”

“Great! And three: when we enter the new session, make sure you and Jade are on the ship, and everyone else is on the meteor.”

You nod. “Sounds good to me.”

“Oh. And one more thing. Don’t fuck too much with the relationships.”

For some reason that sends a chill through you. “What does  _ that _ mean?”

She shrugs. “I dunno! Interpret it however you want. Just don’t make people sad.”

“I… okay, I think I can do that—”

“Hey, John?”

You spin around. Dave is walking up behind you, his hands in his pockets, face blank as usual.

“Yeah?”

“If you’re in the middle of something, that’s cool, but—”

“We were just finishing up,” you tell him, and Terezi nods in agreement.

“Sweet. Could I talk with you for a sec?”

His voice is casual, but for a second you think you detect a hint of anxiety. Your heart speeds up. “Oh, sure!”

Sensing you might want some privacy, Terezi says “Bye, John!” and waltzes off down the hall in the opposite direction. You and Dave are left alone.

“What’s up?” you ask. Surely it can’t be anything super important…?

“Uh.” He’s looking at his shoes. “Your dad is—was—a shaving master, right?”

That… is not what you were expecting at all.

“Uh… yeah?” (The shift from present to past tense makes your breath catch in your throat, but you push down any emotions it may have caused. Not now.)

“I don’t know how to shave,” he admits.

Ah. “What?? Really? Oh man, my dad taught me when I was like ten, even though I definitely didn’t need to—”

“Yeah. Bro never did that. Never thought I’d need it, I guess.”

“He thought you’d teach yourself?”

Dave freezes. He looks legitimately anxious now. “I—uh—that’s not—no, there’s a different reason—fuck.”

“You okay?”

“Fine.”

“We don’t have to talk about this too much if it makes you embarrassed! I can just grab my dad’s books on shaving next time I’m on the ship—”

He puts a hand on your shoulder, and it startles you so much you completely lose your train of thought. “No. Wait, wait. I do want to talk about it. I just don’t know how.”

You stand like that for a second. He looks down at his hand and quickly removes it, then takes a deep, shuddering breath.

“Do you—uh—do you know what it means to be transgender?”

You’re not entirely sure how this is relevant, but okay. “Yeah, that’s when you change genders, right?”

“...Sort of?”

“No, no, wait, that’s a stupid way to put it. It’s when your body is one gender, but you’re actually a different gender.”

“Close enough.”

You wait for Dave to say something else. He doesn’t. You can’t see his eyes, but you’re pretty sure he’s not looking at you.

Something clicks in your brain.

“Wait, Dave, are you transgender?”

No response. He’s shaking a bit. Almost imperceptibly, he nods.

“Oh man! So you like—do you want us to call you a girl now or something? Or—”

That actually makes him laugh, though it’s a watery sound. “No, dude, I’m a trans  _ guy.” _

“Hang on, this is confusing. You’re a boy, right?”

“Yeah.”

“But… you have a girl’s body?”

“That’s one way to put it,” he says. You can hear discomfort in his voice. Shit, maybe you shouldn’t have phrased it that way.

“Uh—sorry, sorry, I don’t know much about this stuff. So. Um. When you were born—oh, no, you weren’t born, were you.” Now that you think about it, all the babies you created were pretty androgynous-looking. “When you were adopted by your Bro. He… thought you were a girl. But you weren’t?”

“Dude. I think you get it.”

“Oh. Cool. But, uh… what does this have to do with shaving?” Wait. You make another connection, and answer your own question. “So you didn’t need to learn how to shave because… no facial hair, right. But why do you now?”

Dave runs a hand through his hair. “Turns out, when you go god tier, not only do your clothes change, but also your body. It like… changes to how you want your body to be? Or how you see yourself?”

“Oh, yeah, like how Vriska lost an eye and an arm but when she went god tier she got them back?”

“I didn’t know that actually, but yeah, like that. That happened to me.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“So… you got a boy’s body.”

“Yeah.”

That’s… that’s actually really cool. “Wow! Do you… like it?”

“I mean, it’s pretty fucking awesome, fits me much better than my old one ever did—it’s not an entirely new body, though, just my old one with some tweaks—but now I have to do boy puberty and I’ve got no fucking clue how to handle that.”

“I have books,” you say.

“Thanks. God, I’m so glad I didn’t have to ask Rose.”

“Does she know?”

“That I’m trans? No, you’re the only one. Other than like… Bro.”

“And Davesprite. Wait, does that mean Davesprite’s trans too?”

Dave starts. “Davesprite! Shit, I forgot about him. Where is he?”

“On the ship.”

“Damn. Okay. And yeah, he’s trans too. But his body changed a bit—no, a lot, a shit ton, he sprouted fucking wings, man—when he turned into a sprite, so we’re in the same boat. I was a bit jealous, honestly.”

“Wow.” You let out a breath. You never thought you’d have such a straight-up, honest conversation with Dave like that. “Well, thanks for telling me! And for like… trusting me enough to tell me. I’ll get you those books as soon as possible.”

“Thanks.” He sticks a finger behind his shades and wipes an eye. Oh shit, is he crying?

“Are you—”

“I’m good.”

“Do you need a hug?”

He makes a small choking noise and nods. Your heart melts, and you throw your arms around him, squeezing him as tight as you can. He does the same. His hands are sweaty and his heart is racing.

“Thanks for like, being accepting and shit,” he whispers in your ear.

“What, you thought I wouldn’t be accepting? Come on, Dave, I might not know jack shit about gender, but if you say you’re a boy, you absolutely are one!”

“Sometimes….” His voice is really quiet now, and hoarse. “Sometimes I don’t know. Like, this body is great and all, but it’s really fucking weird sometimes, and I just feel like….” He trails off, but you catch his implication.

“Dude! That’s fine! Of course it’s gonna be weird. Doesn’t mean you’re not a boy. Puberty is weird for everyone!”

He snorts. “It’s better than girl puberty, at least.”

“That’s good.”

Dave pulls away from you, and now he’s actually smiling. “Thanks again.”

“No problem. Let me know if you ever need more shaving help.”

“Yeah. Cool.” He jabs a thumb in the direction he was coming from “Wanna come help with Can Town for a bit? We could use an extra hand.”

“Sure,” you reply, and let him lead you down the hall. You feel really, really good.


	5. in which zapping through space is hard sometimes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a quick note about updates to this fic! i've written three more chapters than i've posted on here, and i'm writing it pretty fast since it's summer and i'm hyperfixated on this project, so you can expect about a chapter a day until i go back to school next week!

It’s been a week since you zapped onto the meteor for the first time, and you think you’re ready to try taking Jade with you.

It doesn’t work the first time. Or the second, or the third. The attempts exhaust you, and you have to go lie down for an hour or so afterwards, watching cartoons on your laptop in bed so you can’t stew in your own dejection. Jade tells you it’s okay, you’ll get there eventually, you’re doing great so far, but the more you try, and the more you’re overwhelmed with fatigue after every jump, you can’t help thinking that it’s never going to work. You’re never going to get Jade to the meteor.

You wish you could captchalogue her—you’ve had no problem bringing over items stored in your sylladex, such as the shaving books for Dave—but that’s just not possible. Maybe if she shrunk herself? You’re not sure what the rules are about that.

The seventh time you wrap your arms around Jade, close your eyes, and picture the common room, the familiar blue light springs into being around you. It works.

Rose and Kanaya are sitting on opposite ends of the couch, each with a book in her lap. They look up when you arrive. Jade squeals and throws herself at Rose before Rose can even begin to react.

You grin at your success before promptly passing out.

*

Unfortunately you’re not awake while Jade runs around to meet the meteor crew, but she animatedly recounts it afterwards, back on the ship. Apparently she had a  _ very _ long discussion with Kanaya, the topic of which ranged from Space player powers to Alternian horticulture. She spent lots of time with Rose, catching up on things that happened towards the end of those chaotic 24 hours of Sburb, and also helped Dave clean his bedroom, which he’s been using for under two months and has already trashed. Her opinions on the trolls are mixed—she likes Terezi, is not a fan of Vriska, and says that Karkat’s “better than he used to be.” All in all, a great visit.

“You should see a movie with me and Dave and Karkat sometime!” you tell her.

Jade shrugs. “Maybe. I don’t really like romcoms, though.”

“That’s okay, I don’t either, usually. Hey, we’re planning to see the Star Wars prequels soon, if that’d interest you….”

“Sorry, John, but the prequels are shit!”

“Yeah… the Phantom Menace is okay, though….”

“It really isn’t.”

“It doesn’t matter! What’s important is giving Karkat the full Star Wars experience!”

She considers this. “Yeah, I guess that is important.” She pauses, then suddenly smirks. “Speaking of Karkat. He and Dave sure seem to be hanging out a lot!”

“Yeah! I was kinda surprised at first, but they’re becoming pretty good friends!”

Jade waggles her eyebrows. “Dave won’t shut up about him! It’s all Karkat this, and Karkat that—”

You groan, catching her implication. “Jade! It’s not like that! They’re just—”

“—Just really good friends,” she finishes with a laugh. “I know! I’m glad I don’t have a crush on Dave anymore, I might’ve been really jealous—”

“Wait, you had a crush on Dave?” The information surprises you more than it probably should until you remember that Jade dated Davesprite in the alternate timeline. You wonder if that’ll happen this time too.

“Just a little. You have to admit, he’s pretty cool. Not in the fake ‘coolkid’ way he always used to pretend, like actually cool. And he helped me collect frogs.”

You don’t really have any experience with crushes yourself, but these seem like viable reasons to start liking someone. And Dave is pretty likeable. “So… did you like kissing him back to life, then?”

“Ew, no! That was awful!”

Fair enough. “But you don’t like him anymore.”

“Nah, it was just a small thing.”

For some reason, you feel relieved. You attribute this emotion to the fact that you’d feel a little weird if your ecto-sister started dating your best bro. “What about Davesprite?”

“What about him?”

“Do you like him?”

“He’s cool. I dunno, he’s not really the same Dave, is he?”

“You guys dated in the doomed timeline.”

Jade’s eyebrows jump up. “Wow! Weird!”

You can’t exactly trace cause-and-effect at a Terezi-level, but you seem to remember Jade bonding more with Davesprite at the beginning of the trip last time. This time, though, what with your retcon powers, as well as your mutual love of Star Trek, she’s been spending more time with you than with him. So maybe they won’t date this time? And then of course, there’s the fact that Real Dave (no, no, you shouldn’t think of him that way, Non-Sprite Dave rather) is just a hop away, and things could get awkward.

Come to think of it, you haven’t seen Davesprite around much. He’s been hanging out on LOHAC for the most part, doing quests on his planet and moping around his house. Or something like that. He didn’t give you many details. You don’t even think he knows you’ve been visiting the meteor.

Could you bring him over someday? How would Dave react? What would Karkat think of him? Does Karkat even know he exists? You’ll have to remember to ask Davesprite about all this when you next get the chance.

*

Your mind is still on the topic when it comes time for you to pay your visit to the meteor, so you’re not quite as focused as perhaps you should be. Consequently, you end up appearing in Karkat’s bedroom.

Before you can even register where you are, you hear a shriek. Karkat is standing about six feet in front of you, shirtless, caught in the act of drying his hair off with a towel. He jumps back and wraps the towel around his torso before you can see too much of it. Your cheeks go bright red.

“What in the name of  _ fuck _ do you think you’re doing, Egbert, you deplorable perverted fuckwit??” he screeches.

“Shit, sorry! It was an accident—”

“Oh yeah, you just  _ happened _ to teleport right into my block just as I was getting out of the ablution trap—”

“Why would I do that on purpose anyway??”

He looks you in the face and gives you a glare powerful enough to stab your eyeballs out. “To fuck with me.”

Karkat turns around and begins rummaging around in a pile of neatly-folded clothes with one hand, using his other hand to keep the towel in place. All of them, as far as you can tell, are pretty much exactly the same—black or grey shirts with his symbol on them. His room in general is much tidier than you were expecting.

“What, like to pay you back for kissing me or something?”

You regret the words the moment they come out of your mouth. Karkat drops the towel, shouts “fuck!” and scrambles to retrieve it, then whirls around to face you again. “I thought we  _ weren’t _ going to talk about that.”

With that, he continues his search for a shirt. You sit down on his bed. It’s a lot squishier than you would’ve thought. At the other end of the room is a sort of… empty purple tub? You vaguely remember that trolls fill these with slime and then sleep in them. You guess Karkat’s run out of slime.

You contemplate continuing to embarrass him and asking a question that’s been on your mind for a while. It’s not like you particularly  _ want _ to talk about this—just being here is making you nervous—but fuck it, while you’re on the subject….

“About that.”

“No,” says Karkat.

You continue anyway, feeling your face get warmer and warmer. “So, you like talking about quadrants…”

“I don’t like where this is going.”

“What quadrant do you like me in?”

In the blink of an eye, Karkat removes his towel and slips on the shirt he’s been holding. His back is still to you, but you think you see him tense up.

“It’s complicated,” he says finally, “and quite frankly, none of your fucking business.”

“Complicated? Like multiple quadrants or changing quadrants or something? Is that even possible?” You know you shouldn’t be, but now you’re even more curious.

Karkat turns and marches to the door. “Correct. All of those things. Because I’m such a romantically stunted fucker that I can’t sort out any emotion my think pan throws at me.” He pulls open the door and points to it. “Your exit.”

Wow, he’s really not fucking around. You would’ve expected another insult or two, but for once, Karkat’s not even trying to come up with creative ways to verbally eviscerate you. The hand he’s using to gesture at the open door is shaking slightly. Hang on, is he scared? Anxious?

You leave quickly, heart pounding in your throat. The door slams behind you. You should’ve just left the moment you heard him scream—turned into wind or something and slipped under the door before you could open your stupid mouth and ruin everything. Why do you even need to know what quadrant he likes you in? Now Karkat probably hates you even more.

Whoa, where did that come from? You don’t care if he hates you or not; he’s hated you since he first set eyes on you. But now that you’re actually something resembling friends…

You don’t want to think about this anymore. You’re going to go find Dave and laugh about random shit and forget about your romantic woes.

No, not  _ your _ romantic woes. Karkat’s. Which happen to involve you. That’s not the same thing at all.

*

Instead of finding Dave, you bump into Kanaya on the way to Can Town.

“John! A word with you?”

You stop walking. “Yeah?”

“Due to the fact that you and Jade are now able to visit us, Rose has proposed a ‘team bonding activity.’ Do you have any input?”

“Oh! Sweet!” You wrack your brains for something everyone would enjoy. “Uh… we could all watch a movie together?” Of course that’s what you think of first. You just can’t go wrong with a good movie, can you?

Kanaya smiles. “Rose was thinking something more along the lines of an Earth sleepover. Unless you would rather go with Vriska’s proposed team sparring match.”

Hearing the words “Earth sleepover” with her impeccable diction makes you giggle a little. “Yeah, sure! A sleepover sounds good.”

“Excellent. Make sure to alchemize a sleeping bag.”

“When’s it gonna be?”

“In two days’ time, if everyone agrees.”

“Cool!” You nod and smile, then continue on your way to Can Town. You can’t wait to tell Jade about this.


	6. slumber party panic

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one is named "slumber party panic" after the first episode of adventure time!
> 
> also, this particular chapter is inspired by a scene from @Java_Bean's fantastic meteorstuck fic Fortuitous! https://archiveofourown.org/works/9927995/chapters/22244219

The sleepover ends up being postponed until nearly a week later, due to the concentrated presence of dream bubbles near the meteor. You find this out for yourself when you try to zap over with Jade, only to appear in the middle of what looks like a vast system of caverns. At first you panic, assuming you’ve transported to the wrong place, but when a troll who you recognize as Aradia turns up to greet you, you realize what’s going on.

The trolls are preoccupied for a couple days with meeting their dancestors, as they soon come to be known—teenage versions of their ancestors who played a Sgrub session long before they did. You meet a couple of them. The ones you see around most are Meenah and Aranea, who you realize you’ve already met, albeit in the pre-retcon timeline. Unsurprisingly, they don’t remember you. (Why would they?)

The experience kind of rattles the trolls, although you’re not sure in what ways. Terezi and Karkat seem particularly affected. You stay out of it. You have a strange urge to ask Karkat about it, see if he’s okay. You don’t, for obvious reasons.

Finally, the dream bubbles pass, and everyone on the meteor looks like they could use something fun. The sleepover plan is back on.

*

When you arrive with Jade, a sleeping bag and a deck of cards tucked in your sylladex, you’re ready to fall asleep right then and there from the effort. Transporting two people still isn’t fun, but you just can’t let Jade miss out on this experience. You asked Davesprite if he wanted to come too, finally taking the time to explain that you can visit the meteor now. He was quick to say no.

Someone (Kanaya, you suspect) has converted the common room into… well, the perfect place for a sleepover. The tables have been pushed to the side, a couple extra couches have been added, and blankets and pillows are strewn all over the place, giving the room the feel of a multicolored pillow fort without actually being one. There are a couple bowls of snacks, and Karkat’s computer is tucked away in a corner in case you want to bring it out to watch a movie.

Kanaya tells you it starts at 8 PM. (You’re not entirely sure how time is measured on the meteor, given that there are no clocks, but it turns out later that everyone’s method is to just ask Dave.) You turn up a bit early, and hang out in the common room until everyone else shows up. Jade eats an entire bowl of beef jerky while you’re waiting.

Dave and Karkat are the first to arrive. Karkat grabs his computer, and the two of them set up a movie faster than you’ve ever seen anyone do it before. You’re not sure what it is—probably another bad romcom. It plays in the background as people begin to trickle in—Kanaya and Rose, then Vriska, then Terezi.

The first few hours of the sleepover are, admittedly, pretty slow. Jade goes off to talk with Terezi. Dave and Karkat just watch movie after stupid movie, trying to get everyone else to join them. You’d think they’d be sick of movies by now, but apparently not. Vriska watches it for a bit, and complains so much that Karkat pushes her off the couch.

After that, you lend Vriska your deck of cards, and she and Kanaya play a few rounds of some Alternian game that has something to do with quadrants and also murder. Typical. Kanaya wins every time. You watch them, not really invested in what’s going on. Your eyes keep going to Dave and Karkat, who are engrossed their movie, occasionally making quiet comments to each other. You kind of want to join them, but you don’t want to intrude….

“Okay!” yells Vriska in her everyone-give-me-your-attention voice, and you start, losing whatever train of thought was chugging through your mind at that instant. She glares at Karkat, who rolls his eyes and pauses the movie. “I’m going to be honest with you guys; this sleepover is lame as fuck.”

Kanaya’s face falls. Vriska notices, and changes her approach.

“This is supposed to be a bonding experience. We’ve got to do something  _ together. _ Play a game or some shit. I don’t care what it is, anything to get Dave and Karkat to stop canoodling on the couch with their dumb movie like they do every single day.”

Dave and Karkat, who had previously been leaning against each other, spring apart. Vriska grins.

“That’s right! This is not Dave And Karkat Movie Night; this is Everyone Has Fun Together Night.”

“What should we do then?” you ask before Karkat can snap back at her. “Play a party game?”

“Truth or dare?” suggests Jade. Vriska snaps and points at her.

“That one! I don’t know what it is but it sounds fun. We’re doing that one.”

Oh boy. This is going to be interesting.

“Okay then.” Jade moves to the floor, gesturing everyone else to do the same. “I’ll explain the rules, then, I guess? I’ve never actually played it, but basically, we all sit in a circle….”

She goes over the rules. Despite never having played it, she does a pretty good job. She also makes sure to highlight that it’s more fun if you ask for more embarrassing truths or dares, but adds that no violence or harassment should be involved (much to Vriska’s dismay).

“I’ll go first, then, I guess.” Jade scans the circle, her eyes falling on Dave. “Dave. Truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

She thinks for a moment. “Lick the floor.”

“Sure,” says Dave, as everyone else makes noises of disgust. He’s surprisingly cool with it. He crawls around to find a sliver of floor that isn’t covered up by a blanket, and just kind of bends down and licks it. It’s gross.

“How’s it taste?” you ask.

“Bad.” He returns to the circle, sticking out his tongue. “Karkat. Truth or dare.”

“Uh… truth?”

“What’s that one troll movie you said was really good but were too embarrassed to show me?”

Karkat’s cheeks flush a dark grey. “Oh. That.”

“Yeah? What’s it called? No, wait, I don’t want to hear the whole long-ass title. What’s the embarrassing content?”

“It’s about….” Karkat looks uncomfortable. You think you see his eyes flick to you for a millisecond. “It’s, uh, a black romance film.”

“And?”

“So, uh, usually caliginous romance is pretty tame, nothing more than injuries and stuff, but some people just like to take it off the deep end. There’s some really fucked up shit in that movie, and I didn’t want you to get the wrong impression.”

“Of black romance?”

“Yeah. And trolls in general.”

“Too late, dude, I’ve already gotten the impression that trolls are incredibly fucked up.” Dave laughs. “Want to go into detail on the stuff that happens—?”

“No,” says Karkat immediately. “Rose. Truth or dare.”

“Truth.”

“What’s your honest opinion on Vriska as a leader?”

Vriska’s eyebrows shoot up. Rose looks at her, a small smile on her face.

“I appreciate her dedication to keeping us all together as a team, and to planning our entry into the next session, but at times I think she is very overbearing and obnoxious.”

Vriska snorts. “That’s the best you can do?”

“I’m not trying to insult you; I’m being honest. Kanaya. Truth or dare?”

“Truth,” replies Kanaya, continuing the pattern.

“Is it true that you’re exclusively attracted to women?”

Kanaya goes a little green, but she doesn’t look particularly uncomfortable. “Yes. It’s unusual for my species to favor one gender, but I’ve found that I do.”

Right. You remember what Aranea said once about trolls being bisexual. Rose nods.

“Interesting. Thank you, Kanaya.”

Kanaya turns to Terezi next to her. “Truth or dare?”

“Dare!” cries Terezi.

She thinks for a minute, then gets up and begins to rummage through some of the cabinets at the other end of the room. After a second, she calls back to the group, “What’s your least favorite color, Terezi?”

“Red!”

Dave snorts. “It’s orange.”

“Fuck you.”

Kanaya produces an orange marker from a drawer, comes back to the circle, and tosses the pen to Dave. “Let Dave draw a human dick on your face.”

“Oh, hell yeah,” says Dave, uncapping the marker.

“Wait! That’s not a proper dare though!”

Jade shrugs. “Sounds okay to me.”

Terezi grins at Dave. “Fine. Bring it.”

Dave spends the next minute drawing a huge dick over the entirety of Terezi’s face. It’s pretty funny, you have to say. Both of them are laughing a lot. Those are the best sorts of dares—the ones that are embarrassing but also fun.

When Terezi says “John!” you stop laughing. Shit.

“Dare, I guess.”

“Kiss Karkat.”

You freeze, eyes immediately going to Karkat. He’s staring at you in absolute horror.  _ Fuck. _

“I… I don’t really want to do that,” you say, as if you have a choice. You hope your voice isn’t shaking.

“Too bad! You’ve got to! Those are the rules!”

“I, uh—”

She smirks. “I bet Karkat would love it.”

“It doesn’t matter what I want!” Karkat yells. “If it’ll make John uncomfortable, I’m not doing it.”

“He’s got a point,” says Jade. “Maybe make John kiss someone else?”

“Fine.” Terezi takes a sniff, surveying the people in the room. “If kissing a troll is just  _ too _ gross for you… how about Dave!”

Oh. Oh no. You… you’re not  _ averse _ to kissing Dave, you guess. But when everyone’s watching you—

“Are you okay with that?” you ask him.

He shrugs. The corners of his mouth are turned up. “Can’t be worse than licking the ground, can it?” He beckons you over, and Vriska moves to make room for you next to him. Suddenly this is feeling like a really bad idea.

“I… uh… you sure?”

“Yeah, you’re my best bro, I’m down to smooch you.” He scoots closer to you, placing his arms around your waist. You feel a rush of adrenaline course through you. Your cheeks are burning.

“I’m not gay though!”

“Yeah, well, neither am I. Pucker up.”

God, he’s so close…

Well, you can’t delay the inevitable. So you cup his face in your hands, close your eyes, and kiss him.

It’s… not that bad, actually.

Next thing you know, Dave’s gently pushing you away. He’s smiling slightly. “That’s enough, dude.”

“What?”

“I know I’m just that hot, but you only have to do it for like half a second for it to count.”

Oh  _ shit. _ If you were blushing before, your face is practically a red-hot star by now. “I, uh, I didn’t realize—I’m sorry—”

“Caught up in the moment, huh?” Dave gestures you back to your original spot, and you leap over, anxious to get away from him. Now that you think about it, fuck, that was like ten whole seconds of kissing. You decide it’s his fault; he made the situation needlessly romantic. “It’s fine.”

“Vriska!” You want to get off this topic as soon as possible, and she’s the only one who hasn’t gone yet. “Truth or dare!”

“Dare.”

Good. “All right, then, I’m getting back at Terezi for making me do that. Kiss Terezi.”

Vriska frowns. “She’s my moirail. That’s a little weird.”

“Oh, come on, Vriska!” Terezi grins, beckoning her over. “Don’t be like John!”

Sure enough, Vriska sighs, crawls over, and kisses Terezi. And just like that, it’s done. It’s a lot less awkward than yours was, and instead of being smug or satisfied, you just feel even more embarrassed.

You play a couple more rounds. Jade gets you to drink an entire bottle of ketchup. By the time you’re done, you never want to taste the stuff ever again, but it’s not nearly as bad as the whole fiasco with Dave. Kanaya has to wear underwear on her head, and Vriska makes Karkat dance with her for a good thirty seconds before he plops down on the floor and refuses to get up. You learn that Rose would rather make out with Jade than she would with you, which neither surprises nor offends you in the slightest.

The only other notable truth or dare is when Terezi asks Kanaya to list everyone she’s ever had a crush on. “A flush crush,” she adds.

Kanaya blushes a deep green again. “Must I?”

“Yes!”

“I’d rather not.”

“Why is everyone so reluctant to do my dares??” yells Terezi. “Come on, Kanaya! No one will judge you!”

“There are only two people, and they’re both here,” Kanaya says quietly.

Oh. Well, if you rule out all the boys, it’s kind of obvious.

“Aha!” Terezi’s grinning ferociously. “Vriska and Rose!”

“I don’t know if you’re supposed to guess,” whispers Kanaya, “but yes, correct.”

Both Rose and Vriska look a little startled, Rose significantly more so. Her eyebrows rise, and she turns to Vriska, then to Kanaya, her mouth slightly open. You can guess which one is Kanaya’s more recent crush.

“Kanaya,” begins Rose, but Kanaya won’t look at her.

“We’ll discuss it later.”

The room is silent for an uncomfortably long time.

“Maybe we should all go to bed,” says Jade.

Terezi leaps up. “Great idea!”

“Wait, but it’s a sleepover,” Dave protests. “We should play more party games, try to go to sleep as late as possible, maybe bust out some weed if we can figure out how to alchemize it—”

Rose sighs. “Jade’s right. I’m exhausted.”

People slowly begin to move away from the circle, pulling sleeping bags out of sylladexes. Dave claims one of the couches. Terezi claims another, but Vriska makes her share it with her. You’re about to get the third couch when Karkat taps you on the shoulder and gestures to the door. His expression is serious. You jump, and follow him out, heart suddenly beating much too fast. In the chaos of setting up the beds, no one notices you leave—or if they do, they don’t say anything.

The hall outside is dark and cool. You hadn’t noticed how hot the common room had gotten—body heat will do that.

Karkat closes the door behind him, then sighs. Neither of you speaks for a couple seconds. His eyes are on the floor.

“I just wanted to properly apologize,” he says finally. His voice is a lot quieter than you’re used to.

“Wait, for what?”

“You know. I know we said we wouldn’t talk about it, but when Terezi dared you to kiss me, I just—” He runs a hand through his hair. “Fuck. I just saw how—how uncomfortable you were? Uncomfortable enough that you didn’t even want to play along with a stupid game? And I guess I never really realized just how shitty it was for me to do that, like I’m supposed to be your friend, for fuck’s sake, and I  _ knew _ you didn’t like me back, and—goddammit. I’m rambling. Just like Dave.”

“It’s okay,” you say, because what do you say to such a candid apology like that?

“No, it really wasn’t.”

“No—I mean like—I forgive you?” Shit, how do you say this. “Like… it was super awkward, and it totally caught me off guard, but it… it wasn’t such a big deal.” No, that’s a lie. “Okay, maybe it kind of was a big deal? But it’s not like I hate you or don’t want to be your friend or anything just because you kissed me once without asking.”

Karkat nods, and exhales. “Okay. Yeah. Okay. Thanks.”

“You want a hug?” You seem to be giving out a lot of those lately. But it seems like he’s been internally freaking out about this, and hey, everybody needs one now and then.

His eyes snap up to meet yours. “What?? I—I mean, if you’re okay with it—”

You pull him into a hug. He squeezes you, and you stand there for a second, feeling his breath on your neck. Then he pulls away, cheeks flushing.

“Let’s go back in.”

“Yeah. Yeah, good idea.”

In the common room, Dave, Jade, and Terezi/Vriska have claimed the couches. Kanaya and Rose are in the far end of the room, talking softly. You grab your sleeping bag from your sylladex and set it up at the foot of Dave’s couch. Karkat does the same, positioning himself a couple feet away. You almost make a comment about how you should just both pile up on top of Dave to get revenge on him for stealing the couch, but that sounds way too gay. And even though you’ve now kissed two whole boys  _ (shit),  _ you are still definitely heterosexual.

You want to go to sleep quickly, but the events of the evening keep replaying themselves in your head. You keep involuntarily remembering Dave’s lips on yours, his hands on your waist, your chests pressed together.

Yeah. Straight as a fucking arrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was super fun to write! thanks for reading!


	7. denial, the first stage of gay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i caved and added a pesterlog even though they're hell to format... they're fun to write though!

As always, you wake up before everyone else. You’re not sure why that keeps happening—perhaps it’s another consequence of your space travel exhaustion. When you crack open your eyes, the first thing you notice is a long, thin, blobby shape hovering over you. With your glasses on you recognize it as Dave’s arm. He’s still sleeping on the couch above you, twisted into a weird position in which one of his arms is sticking straight in your face, and one of his legs is resting on the top of the couch’s back, his sleeping bag all but forgotten. You’re internally very glad he didn’t roll over and fall on top of you in your sleep. That… would be extremely awkward.

You scoot your sleeping bag away from the couch, sitting up against the wall. Rose, Kanaya, and Vriska are gone. Apparently you weren’t the first to wake up after all. Everyone else is still asleep and snoring.

Your phone buzzes in your pocket, and you start, pulling it out. You haven’t used Pesterchum in a while, it seems, or at least not as frequently as you once did.

 

tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering  ectoBiologist [EB]

TT: When you wake up, I have a question for you. You’re under no obligation to answer; I’m simply curious.  
TT: Why did the prospect of kissing Karkat make you so uncomfortable?  
EB: oh yeah, that...  
TT: To reiterate, if you’d prefer not to tell me, I will respect your privacy.  
EB: no, it’s ok.  
EB: uh...  
EB: you know he has a crush on me, right?  
TT: I’d assumed as much.  
EB: basically, he kissed me once, and it was really awkward, and neither of us wanted to repeat that experience.  
TT: I see.  
TT: When was this?  
EB: right after i first came to the meteor.  
EB: we talked about it though. it’s all good.  
TT: I’m glad to hear that.  
TT: Do you reciprocate his feelings?  
EB: no of course not!  
TT: If you say so.  
EB: what’s THAT supposed to mean??  
TT: Who’s to say it has any hidden meaning? I believe you.  
EB: ok...  
EB: oh actually, i have a question for you about a similar topic.  
EB: what’s up with you and kanaya?  
TT: She and I talked last night. We came to some agreements and understandings.  
EB: that’s pretty vague!  
EB: like, are you dating now?  
EB: hold on a second, are you even gay?  
TT: Yes. Are you?  
EB: what????  
EB: (just to clarify, that ‘what’ was @ your question, not you being gay. i am not surprised that you’re gay.)  
TT: I assume I just emit a powerful lesbian aura.  
EB: yeah, you kind of do!  
EB: that is not a bad thing, btw.  
TT: Of course not.  
TT: You didn’t answer my question.  
EB: you know i’m not gay! i literally said that last night!  
TT: Yes, before you went above and beyond in your party game requisitioned kiss with one Dave Strider.  
EB: i just got really nervous, ok??  
EB: is that the only reason you think i’m gay?  
TT: I never said I thought you were. I’m simply asking you to have a more open mind.  
TT: As for other reasons, although somewhat stereotypical, I would cite your frequent ignorance when it comes to legitimate romantic interest in females, your constant assertions that you are heterosexual, as well as the “ironic” jokes about homosexuality you and Mr. Strider used to make with one another, some of which I would attribute to internalized homophobia, and some to unconscious attraction to your best friend.  
EB: holy shit.  
EB: you’ve thought about this a lot, rose!  
TT: Just doing my job as a pseudo-psychoanalyst.  
TT: I will admit that the subject of your sexuality is usually absent from my mind these days. These are all thoughts I had when I was twelve.  
EB: oh man.  
EB: did you think dave was gay too?  
TT: Absolutely.  
EB: hehehe  
TT: In retrospect, I wonder how much of the analysis I did on my friends’ sexual orientations was simply based on my own desire to know more queer people.  
EB: that makes sense.  
EB: how did you discover you were gay? was it recently?  
TT: No, I’ve known for a long time.  
TT: The fact was finally cemented in my brain one day when I was eleven, after having a particularly vivid dream in which I made out with Jade.  
EB: oh my god  
TT: Before you say it, yes, you could say that Jade was my lesbian awakening.  
EB: did you ever tell her?  
TT: I did come out to her, but never told her about my crush. I’m more than over her by now, but I’d like to keep it that way.  
EB: wow.  
EB: why didn’t you tell me and dave?  
EB: that you’re gay, that is.  
TT: I never had any reason to.  
EB: huh.  
EB: i guess we were also pretty ignorant back then, so i see why you wouldn’t want to tell us.  
EB: oh hang on...  
EB: has dave told you about his gender thing yet?  
TT: Gender thing?  
EB: uh...  
EB: forget i said anything. it isn’t my place to tell you stuff he should tell you himself.  
TT: I’m intrigued, but I agree. I won’t press you.  
EB: cool.  
EB: oh! you never told me more about you and kanaya!  
EB: are you dating?? ;D  
TT: I suppose you could call it that.  
EB: !!!  
TT: We’ve agreed to take things slowly, but since we both have feelings for each other, we see no reason why we shouldn’t try out a relationship.  
EB: oh man, congrats!  
EB: i’m so glad something good came out of kanaya’s embarrassment last night.  
EB: can’t say the same for myself, unfortunately.  
EB: wait a sec i KNOW you’re about to make some sort of smug comment about me getting to kiss dave or something, so just STOP RIGHT THERE.  
TT: Wouldn’t dream of it.  
EB: hmm.  
EB: speaking of dave, he’s waking up. maybe i’ll go talk to him.  
EB: actually, no, i’m way too embarrassed to do that. i hope jade wakes up soon so we can get going.  
EB: also, for the record, i’m not gay.  
TT: Yes, you’ve said. Multiple times, in fact.  
EB: even though i’ve kissed more boys than girls.  
EB: none of those times i even wanted to kiss them though! so none of it counts.  
EB: well, i wanted to kiss you so i could bring you back to life, but not in a romantic way.  
TT: Of course.  
EB: and not that being gay is a bad thing, though. i wouldn’t mind being gay. but i’m not.  
TT: Right.  
EB: you’re right that i have never really been into girls, but i think that’s just because i haven’t met the right girl yet!  
EB: i liked vriska and roxy a lot, but not in a romantic way, i don’t think.  
EB: wait, you don’t know who roxy is.  
TT: John, I’m very happy to support you in your sexuality crisis, but I’m kind of in the middle of something right now.  
EB: oh shit, sorry! i’ll go now.  
EB: btw, i am not having a sexuality crisis.  
TT: Of course you aren’t, because you’re not gay, at all.  
EB: right.  
EB: uh... bye, then, in that case!  
EB: nice talking!

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT]

 

*

Later in the day, after you get back to the ship, you decide to talk with Davesprite. You remember really hating him for a while last time you took the ship journey, but your negative emotions have faded into a kind of indifference about him. Maybe this time he won’t be such a douche.

In the last few days, Davesprite hasn’t been on LOHAC—instead, he’s been hanging around the ship, talking with carapacians and consorts or watching movies. A couple times, he’s joined you and Jade for Star Trek, but hasn’t seemed all that interested. He’s turned down every one of your offers to take him to the meteor, but never elaborated on why.

“Why don’t you want to visit the meteor?” is what you ask him. Short and to the point. He’s out on the deck of the ship, watching the random streaks of light flash across the void that surrounds you.

“Don’t feel like it,” is his somewhat-infuriating answer.

“Why not? You could come see Dave and stuff!”

Davesprite stiffens. Evidently that was the wrong thing to say. “No. You don’t get it. If I turn up on the meteor, there are gonna be two Daves. And guess who’s gonna get to be the Real Dave? Sure as hell isn’t gonna be me.”

“I’m sure no one will think of you as—”

“Really? Do you know that?”

“You’re as much a Dave as he is!”

“Are they gonna share that opinion, though? They barely even know I exist.”

“Maybe…” A thought has formed in your mind, and you’re cautious about putting it into words. “Maybe we’re thinking about this the wrong way.”

“Yeah?”

“Well… you aren’t Dave, are you?”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”

“No! No, I mean, like… you’ve been thinking of yourself as a version of Dave, right? Which is true, in a way, I guess… you’ve got thirteen years of exactly the same memories. But you had all those months in that doomed timeline with Rose—I can’t believe that hasn’t made you a different person. And Dave’s had all the contact with the trolls, and making friends on the meteor.”

“So you’re saying that Dave and I are completely different people.”

“I… I guess? You can’t be Fake Dave if you’re not Dave at all!”

He frowns slightly. “Is there really a noticeable difference between us?”

“Yeah, definitely!”

“Hmm.” His tail swishes, almost absent-mindedly. “I dunno, man. I’m not ready to give up my identity as _Dave_ yet.”

“What?”

“Look. You’re essentially asking me to carve out a whole new identity for myself. To differentiate _me_ from _him._ But why does _he_ get to be Dave? Why does _he_ get to be secure in his identity, prancing around and being himself on the goddamn meteor because he’s the _Alpha_ Dave? Did my existence ever force him to question who he is?”

He looks at you as if you have answers to these questions. You can feel the heat of his eyes behind his shades. You shake your head.

“I have no idea. But… you can still be Davesprite, right?”

“Yeah, Dave _sprite._ Dave, but as a sprite. Even my fucking name identifies me as a splinter of him.”

“Maybe you could use another name?”

“Yeah, but what? Dave’s a great name. I hate that I can’t have it anymore.”

“How’d you choose it?”

Davesprite freezes.

“How did you know I chose my own name?” he says, very quietly. Shit.

“Dave told me. Er. I assumed.”

“So he told you about….”

“Yeah.”

He stays silent. His face is emotionless; you can’t tell if he’s angry or not. You feel more nervous than you should be.

“What was your name before?” you ask after a second.

“My deadname is none of your fucking business.”

“Shit. Sorry. In that case, uh… what other names were you considering before you chose Dave?”

“I dunno. Matt. Ryan. Shit like that. None of them would work for me anyway. Dave was always the best one.”

“Guess this whole ‘you’re a different person than Dave’ thing isn’t really working out, is it?”

Davesprite sighs. His wings (er, wing and a half) have drooped, and he suddenly looks incredibly tired.

“I _want_ to see myself as Not Dave. Like, obviously we’re different people. I’m a fucking bird, for one thing. But we’re still connected, and I can’t get rid of that.”

You nod. You don’t pretend to understand what he’s going through, but man, you’ve never had this much sympathy for Davesprite before. You definitely didn’t have this conversation in the last timeline, but boy are you glad you’re having it now. “Maybe talking with Dave could help you sort this out. And like… meeting people who don’t know you. You can introduce yourself as someone totally different from Dave, and—”

“And what? In case you hadn’t noticed, I not only look like him, I—”

“Now you’re just being pessimistic! I thought you said the meteor crew _wasn’t_ going to see you as Dave. Isn’t that what you want?”

He groans. “I don’t know anymore.”

“Maybe you could just try it out. Tell them you’re Davesprite. Let them make their own assumptions about who you are. They’ll see soon enough that you’re not quite like the Dave they know. You’re like… his twin brother, or something.”

Davesprite opens his mouth to argue, but closes it. “Fine. Maybe at some point.”

He’s about to walk away—er, float away—when you suddenly realize you had one more thing you wanted to ask him. You call out, and he turns around.

“Random thing.”

“Yeah?”

“You know how you used to make all those jokes about me being attractive?” You feel your cheeks getting hot, but it’s safer to ask him than Dave. He doesn’t know what happened last night in truth or dare.

Davesprite quirks an eyebrow. “Uhh, yeah?”

“How much were you kidding when you said that?”

“...Why?”

“Just curious.”

“Uh, I guess I did think you were a little cute? Not in a gay way, just like… objectively good-looking? Like, anyone of any gender could see that. I don’t anymore, though,” he’s quick to add.

“Okay,” you say, and try to pretend your heart hasn’t started positively racing. “Cool. Thanks.”

You abscond before he can ask you anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> john: this isn't a sexuality crisis!!  
> me: *tags the fic with "sexuality crisis"*


	8. dave: have multiple crises (or, haha he’s gay pt. 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dave pov chapter! there are gonna be a couple chapters from the povs of people other than john, and this is the first of them! (though john is still the main character)
> 
> quick warning for mentions of abuse and homo/transphobia (if you don't want to read about that, skip down to the part with the pesterlog)

Your name is Dave Strider, and you thought you’d be used to nightmares by now.

You’ve never had particularly good dreams. Most of the time, you’ve ignored them, though—just the same shit about Cal turning up everywhere or your Bro beating you in a strife or whatever. Nothing worse than real life, you told yourself every time you woke up in a cold sweat, shaking and trying not to scream. That’s just how it is. It’s just part of the training process! You’ll get better, you’ll get used to it, you won’t have nightmares anymore. Real Men don’t cry because a phantom in a dream hurt them.

Problem is, Sburb has given you a whole new arsenal of fucked-up things to dream about, and it’s becoming easier to justify your insomnia. Who wants to sleep knowing that there’s a small chance you’ll have to see yourself die again, a time clone covered in blood because this is the way it goes with time travel. Or your Bro with a sword through his chest. Or a black figure with long wings and the face of a wolf. Or even just a classic strife.

This time, it’s different.

Because this time, Karkat’s there on the rooftop next to you, sickles drawn, mouth set in a snarl. And maybe the two of you can beat him this time. It’s two against two (Cal counts, Cal always counts even though you know that’s stupid) and maybe even a fair fight.

You’ve never beaten him in real life, though. You should’ve known you could never beat him in a dream.

And then Karkat is lying there, motionless, splayed out on the roof before you, with blood as red as yours forming a pool around his body that’s broken in places that are all too familiar to you—and Bro raises his blade and steps over him, toward you, and you’re backing away, your footsteps loud and frenzied compared to his completely silent ones—

Your eyes snap open to the darkness of your room. The covers of your bed press down on you, suffocating, way too hot, and you throw them off, jumping to your feet and ignoring the pain in your head as you stand too quickly. Fuck, your sword’s not in your sylladex.

It was just a dream, you tell yourself, but it was so real, and so horrifying, and  _ oh my god Karkat— _

You throw open the door and start to run. The hallways are too quiet. Your footsteps echo, your bare feet burning against the freezing metal floor, taking strides that wouldn’t be possible if not for your god tier flight powers. You can hear your heart racing in your chest, faster than you’ll ever be able to run.

Karkat’s room isn’t too far away. You find it quickly, but it’s not quick enough, what if you’re too late—

You burst in and dash to the bed. Karkat’s fast asleep, his face buried in the pillow, snoring lightly. You grab his shoulders and shake him until he stirs, rolling over and glaring at you. Relief flows through you, and you take a huge gulp of air, head spinning.

“What the fuck, Dave?” He squints at you, yellow eyes glowing slightly in the darkness. Then they widen as he takes you in—your clammy hands, your bedhead, your absolutely horrified expression. Shit, you forgot to bring your shades. Can’t hide your emotions now.

“What happened?” he whispers, not even bothering with  _ Are you okay? _ because it’s clear you’re not.

“Bad dream,” you manage to choke out. You can feel tears beginning to well up in your eyes. Fuck.

Karkat just nods. “I feel you there.”

You stand there for a moment in silence, one hand still holding Karkat’s shoulder. You lessen your grip, but don’t take your hand away. He doesn’t seem to mind. It’s nice to have a tangible reminder that he’s here, his heart is beating under your fingertips and he’s as alive as ever.

“Do you, uh, do you want to talk about it?” he asks after a minute.

What would you even tell him? How could you do it without him worrying about you? It was just training, it was helpful in the end, in the game, where you had to fight and survive. Maybe he’d understand; you wouldn’t be surprised if similar things happened on Alternia all the time—

“Dave?” Karkat’s voice breaks you out of your spiral. He’s looking you right in the eyes. Even in the darkness, can he see how unnaturally red they are?

“I…” You let your fingers trail down his arm, then fall back at your side. You don’t want to leave. “Can I stay here?”

Without batting an eyelash, Karkat pulls back the covers of his bed and scoots over, offering you a place. Your heart leaps into your throat. Oh god. You didn’t mean that. Well. Maybe you did; maybe you were secretly hoping you could curl up next to him and feel his weight beside you, reminding you that you have a friend who cares about you. But you were never expecting him to actually accept your offer.

You just stare at him for a couple seconds.

“Just get in before I change my mind,” mutters Karkat.

You do, more eagerly than you’d care to admit. The bed is squishier than you’d expected—it’s no substitute for a recuperacoon, you figure, but it’s much better than a couch. Karkat closes his eyes, settling back into a position more suited for sleeping. Your shoulders and thighs are touching; your fingers brush against his under the covers.

You want to grasp his hand and never let him go….

It was just a stupid dream. You  _ know _ your Bro would never try to kill him. They’ve never even met. And he wouldn’t have any reason to—

You remember when Bro had finally accepted you were trans, he gave you a sword and told you that if you were going to be a real boy, you were going to have to be able to fight. And this time, he wasn’t going to go easy on you. If you wanted to be called a man, you had to earn it. You couldn’t be weak. And you most certainly couldn’t be gay, because if you liked boys, that meant you were a girl. You remember when he tore up your posters of male celebrities who you idolized too unironically.

And here you are, sharing a bed with a boy who you think you might be in love with.

Wait, what the fuck, where did that come from? Shit—no—you’re not gay—you can’t be—

But Karkat is just… really amazing. You love to spend time with him and banter and tease each other and watch movies and listen to him rant about quadrants. You love making him smile, and making him fake-angry, and hearing all the creative insults he spews at you, knowing that he doesn’t mean any of them, not anymore. You want to hold his hand and play with his hair and you also kind of want to run your fingers along his horns because you’re really curious about what they feel like. And maybe, while you’re being really honest with yourself (in the morning you know you’re just going to deny all this)—you sorta wish you’d gotten to kiss Karkat instead of John that night. Not that it wasn’t fun to kiss John (and especially to see his face afterwards), but….

Man, okay, these are some really gay thoughts you’re having. If your Bro were here he would kill you.

_ Fuck, _ no, you didn’t mean it like that, he’d never do that, and besides, he’s not alive anymore, so why the hell are you still thinking about him??

You turn over, away from Karkat. You just want to sleep.

*

Your overly-gay thoughts are not gone in the morning, however, when you wake up to find Karkat’s arms around you. He’s fast asleep, and probably entirely unaware of how tightly he’s hugging you, or how his face is pressed into your shoulder in a way that makes your heart skip a beat.

Yeah. Yeah, you like him. Fuck.

You untangle yourself from his embrace and leave the room as quietly as you can, shutting the door behind you then bolting back to your own room. You can feel a blush creeping across your face.

 

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT]

TG: help i think im gay  
TT: Congratulations. How may I support you in coming to terms with this startling realization?  
TG: pfff please rose dont pretend you havent been angling to get me to admit my homosexuality for literal years now  
TG: also im bisexual so jot that down  
TG: fuck its so weird to just say it like that  
TG: like im actually confident its true or something  
TG: ok i hate this id like to go back to being straight and not questioning my sexuality or pining for my best friend please  
TT: Your best friend? John?  
TG: no karkat what did you think  
TG: johns my bro  
TT: So is Karkat.  
TT: Anyway, do you require any assistance? Perhaps a healthy helping of “it’s okay to be bisexual” rhetoric, or maybe some “As your ecto-sister, I support you whatever your sexuality”?  
TG: idk man  
TG: i feel like i should be freaking out more about this  
TG: like on the one hand im all holy shit i like a guy this is fucked up  
TG: but on the other  
TG: im literally lgbt already  
TT: You are?  
TG: uh  
TG: yeah im trans  
TG: trans dude in case that wasnt obvious  
TG: sorry for not telling you before and stuff  
TG: anyway it doesnt even matter anymore because when i went god tier i got a cis dude body which was pretty fuckin sweet  
TG: rose say something  
TT: I’m not sure what I could say that wouldn’t sound incredibly cheesy.  
TT: Obviously I support you, if that wasn’t already a given, and I’m grateful that you told me.  
TT: However I’d be lying if I said this new piece of information didn’t entirely change my perception of you, from a psychoanalytic viewpoint. You always struck me as such a cisgender teenage boy - one who was struggling with his sexuality, sure, but as a lesbian I pride myself in recognizing fellow members of the LGBT+ community, and I’m wondering why I didn’t guess you were trans before.  
TG: oh my fucking god  
TG: im cackling rose youre gonna have to update all your psychiatry notes on me now  
TT: I suppose I will.  
TT: Also I believe I just accidentally outed myself as lesbian. I’m going to hazard a guess that you’re not surprised.  
TG: dude youre literally dating kanaya  
TT: Oh. Right.  
TT: I suppose I am.  
TT: I can’t remember if I outright told you that or not.  
TG: its not a hard conclusion to come to  
TG: youve been flirting with her for months  
TT: Shall we conclude that we are both reasonably good at guessing the sexualities of our ecto-sibling?  
TG: yeah but you didnt guess i was trans  
TG: i think ive one-upped you on that front  
TT: I will give you that one.  
TG: ive never met any other trans people so idk if i act like one or not  
TG: i dont know shit about lgbt stuff i know just enough to like really transparently make fun of it with random cis douches on the internet as an attempt to fit in with them  
TG: also i pass really well and have been out since i was really young  
TG: then theres bro who hammered cis masculinity into my impressionable young skull  
TG: physically hammered haha  
TG: all in all im not surprised if i act like a cis guy whatever that means  
TT: Gender is fake anyway, so it doesn’t particularly matter.  
TG: right  
TG: uh what were we talking about before  
TG: me being bi  
TG: i think im cool with it  
TG: shits cooler than a lukewarm jug of apple juice  
TT: “Lukewarm” isn’t all that cool.  
TG: yeah i know thats why i picked that word for my awesome simile  
TG: its cool but not like icebox cool yknow  
TG: i guess the only reason im having doubts and shit is cuz it feels like liking boys is such a girly thing  
TG: which is really fuckin stupid but i cant get rid of the thought  
TG: but anyway  
TG: what do i do now  
TG: what do i tell karkat  
TT: Ask him out?  
TG: hell just laugh at me  
TT: Will he, though?  
TT: It worked for Kanaya and I.  
TG: yeah but you knew for sure she liked you  
TG: guess ill just wait  
TG: see if an opportunity presents itself  
TG: you dont think he likes me back do you  
TT: I wouldn’t rule out the possibility. Trolls are usually bisexual.  
TG: right  
TG: im just gonna stop thinking about this now  
TG: maybe its just a crush ive got and itll blow over in a week or two  
TG: or maybe not and im just fucked  
TG: anyway thanks for talking with me rose im feelin a lot better now  
TT: No problem. Thank you as well.  
TG: haha np

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT]


	9. john: enjoy a classic alternian film (or, haha he’s gay pt. 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back to john's pov!
> 
> this is the last update i'll post until friday or so—i'm gonna be busy with school stuff for most of the week. enjoy! making up a fictional alternian movie was really fun

Movie night with Dave and Karkat becomes a regular occurance, as if it wasn’t one already. In the week after the sleepover you show Karkat all three Star Wars prequels (on different nights—you decide you’re not going binge them like you did the first trilogy). He doesn’t end up hating them exactly, but he agrees with you that the originals are better. However, he absolutely  _ loathes _ Jar Jar Binks. This does not surprise you in the least, and you and Dave patiently wait out Karkat’s rants on the subject.

A little over a week after the sleepover, Karkat decides it’s time for  _ him _ to pick the movie. He decides on an Alternian romcom called… okay, you can’t remember the title of course, but it involves a goldblood guy and an oliveblood guy and switching between quadrants. According to Karkat, it’s a classic, and he appreciates it not only for its humor, but also for its surprisingly tactful and sympathetic portrayal of lowbloods and midbloods, as well as realistic quadrant vacillation. He also decides that the two of you need to see more romances that involve two men or two women. You think he’s just sick of watching straight couple after straight couple in Earth movies. You have to admit, you kind of are as well.

Ten minutes into the movie and you’re already confused about the main characters’ relationship. It involves a fair amount of kissing, so you’re pretty sure that it’s red, at least at the start. You’re not sure how you feel about watching boys make out on screen while sitting next to Dave, but you just try to ignore the fact that your legs are touching and focus on the movie.

Karkat makes sure to point out every single time the characters do something pale. It’s kind of annoying, but you have to admit, it helps you understand the differences between the quadrants much better. At one point one guy paps the other on the cheek, and Karkat actually pauses the movie, yelling “There! Look at that! This is the point where everything changes. We  _ know _ they’re vacillating now.”

Just when you think you’re getting the hang of it, a third important character is introduced—a tealblood guy who begins a caliginous thing with the goldblood. (You don’t remember their names; at least they all have colored symbols on their shirts so you can tell the difference between them.) To make matters worse, they begin to vacillate too, between black, pale, and red. At this point you just don’t know what’s going on anymore.

And then stuff between the gold and the teal gets really heated—in more ways than one—and oh shit, it becomes pretty clear that they’re gonna have sex.

Karkat pauses it instantly, his face flushing. “Fuck. Sorry, guys, I completely forgot about this scene. We can just skip it… or… no, wait, this is an important part because it shows they’re better off as pale….”

Dave waves the thought away. “It’s fine, dude, we can handle some alien dick.”

You don’t really want to handle any alien dick, in any sense of the term, but you sit through it. On the upside (is it really an upside though?) you learn lots more about troll anatomy. On the downside, you’re uncomfortably aware of Dave next to you, who looks completely unfazed by the whole ordeal. Ignoring how physically close you are is no longer an option. And then there’s Karkat, who’s trying very hard not to look at either of you. Suddenly you’re also very aware of the fact that you’re in a room with two guys, both of whom you’ve kissed, and the movie you’re watching involves, guess what, a romance between three guys. You wonder if this is just a coincidence, or if Karkat is trying to tell you something. You sincerely hope it’s the former.

The movie becomes a lot more enjoyable once the sex is over, not only because it becomes more dramatic, but also because it makes a lot more sense to you. There’s an exciting confrontation scene between the teal guy and the olive one. In a shocking twist, one of them ends up hate-kissing the other. Then the goldblood turns up and… they actually begin to sort some stuff out. By the end, the gold and the olive are in a stronger matespritship than before, and the gold and the teal are moirails.

“What did you think?” asks Karkat when it’s over.

“I liked it!” you say. “Apart from, uh, all the sex. What about you, Dave?”

Dave shrugs. “Pretty good. Surprisingly funny, too, even with all the drama that was going on all the time. Also it was cool to see some gay shit for once.”

You nod—that was pretty cool—but all you can think is  _ Is Dave gay? _ Not that you care if he is. Not that liking a gay movie makes you gay. Just the way he says it makes you curious.

“Great!” Karkat is positively beaming. “Then next time we can see  _ In Which Two Indigoblood Women In A Moirallegiance Get In A Fight And Call Upon A Bronzeblood To Auspiticize Between Them Who Then Becomes Flushed For— _ uh. It’s good and it’s by the same director and it’s about three women.”

“Sounds good!” You stand. You don’t want to go just yet, but since the movie’s finished and you have nothing to explicitly look at, you’ve been staring at Dave, and… that’s just really not ideal. “I’m gonna go find Jade. Bye! That was fun!”

You stay long enough for everyone to say their goodbyes, then get the hell out of there. Your heart is pounding. What the fuck is wrong with you??

“Hey, John?”

You start and turn around. Dave has followed you down the hallway, hovering an inch or two above the ground. Your stomach does a somersault.

“Yeah?”

“Just wondering, would you be up for showing me around the ship sometime?”

“Oh! Yeah, that’d be great,” you say without thinking. Shit, now you’re just gonna be anxious about that.

“Awesome.” He gives you a thumbs up, then turns and floats back to the room, his cape trailing behind him in a way that looks incredibly cool.

You watch him until he’s out of sight, your feet rooted into the floor as if you can do nothing but stare at Dave’s retreating form, and something clicks within your brain.

 

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT]

EB: rose you were right...  
EB: i’m so mad you were absolutely right and i’m so dumb.  
TT: Yes?  
EB: i’m really fucking gay.  
TT: I’m tempted to say “I told you so,” but I feel like you wouldn’t appreciate that.  
EB: i gtg find jade, so i can’t talk much, but i just thought you should know that.  
TT: Jade’s in the common room with me.  
EB: ok, cool.  
EB: uh... yeah! bye

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT]

 

When you come to pick up Jade, she’s playing chess with Kanaya while Rose observes thoughtfully. Rose smirks at you when you walk in. You pointedly ignore her.

*

The next day is a day off from the meteor (and boy do you need it; you sleep eleven hours again), but all you want to do is watch more movies with Dave and Karkat. Instead, you play video games with Jade, which is way more fun than you ever remember it being in the doomed timeline. Especially now that you have a better sense of what sorts of games she likes. She thoroughly enjoys Portal—you’re not sure how much of this is due to the fact that she’s a Space player, and therefore has a feeling for 3D puzzles.

“So, uh… what did you and Davesprite do together when you dated?” you ask randomly. (Not because you’re curious about what Dave’s interested in when it comes to dating; it’s just a random question.) Jade’s back to playing Spore now on her computer that can project images in the air. You’ve played the game a little and never cared for it much, but it is kind of cool to see Jade come up with wild creature designs.

She frowns at you. “That… didn’t happen in this timeline, John.”

“Shit! Sorry.” You usually don’t make that mistake. “Um, never mind, in that case.”

“Now I’m curious. What  _ did _ we do?”

“I don’t know, you guys tended to do stuff without me.” Which makes sense. It’s not like you tagged along on any of their dates. You do kind of wonder, though, how much if it was actually private, and how much of it you just don’t remember. That’s sort of a recurring theme when it comes to your memories of the pre-retcon timeline.

“Huh,” Jade says. In the game, she’s building what looks like a spaceship. Or is it a car? “I still think it’s kinda crazy that we dated in an alternate universe. When did we start?”

“Uh, a year or so into the journey?”

“Weird! Maybe my feelings for Dave will come back by then.”

You laugh, but internally you sincerely hope that doesn’t happen.

*

Later, when you’re getting ready for bed (you’ve brought your bed up to a room in the ship so it’s more easily accessible—this turned out to be a good idea given how much you’ve been sleeping), you suddenly get a strong feeling that  _ you have to tell Jade. _ About your sexuality. And about Dave. She’s your sister; she needs to know.

You find her in the same room where you were playing games earlier, sitting at the table with a book. Most of the lights are off, giving the space a certain feeling, as if you’re on Earth and it’s dark outside. She looks up and closes the book when you enter.

“Hey, Jade.”

Apparently she can see your anxiety on your face, because the first thing she says is, “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, I just—” Fuck, how do you say this? “Uh. So I think I’m gay?”

“Oh my god,” squeals Jade, and suddenly she’s jumped up and is hugging you tightly. That’s not what you were expecting at all, but you wrap your arms around her in return.

“I’m so proud of you!” she cries, resting her chin on your shoulder. “Thank you for telling me! I don’t know what my sexuality is, but you know I’ll love and support you no matter what!!”

“Uh… thanks?” You thought she’d just say something like “Neat!” or “Cool!” and go back to her reading, but apparently not. Is this how people usually react when someone comes out? “It’s not really a big deal? I mean, it kind of is! But like… not  _ that _ big of a deal, you know?”

“Still!” She gives you one last squeeze, then draws back, her hands still on your shoulders. “Wow. This is a change from last week!”

You make a sort of chuckling noise. Yeah, this is way too much fanfare; you literally figured out you liked Dave yesterday (oh god, you like Dave, like really  _ like, _ holy shit) and now Jade’s reaction is just solidifying your new sexual identity before your eyes. There’s a part of you that wants to keep denying it, but if you’re being honest with yourself? Yeah. You’re gay. You’ve pretended to like girls romantically; you’ve fooled yourself into thinking you were into Vriska, or Roxy, or whoever, but at the end of the day that was just all bullshit created by the mind of a guy who didn’t know jack shit about romance. And you still don’t. At least you’ve gone a step in the right direction.

Jade’s still in front of you, and you’re still staring at nothing like an idiot. You snap out of it, and she lets her hands fall back down at her sides. “Oh. Yeah, I guess so.”

She grins. “Was kissing Dave your gay awakening then?”

You feel your face go scarlet. “Maybe? I uh… only put two and two together yesterday when I was watching a movie with him—”

“So you do like him!!”

_ Shit! _ If you say so, you’ll just make it more real. You nod.

“I bet you want to kiss him some more!”

“Jade!!” You squeeze your eyes shut, as if that’ll protect against the memories from the sleepover flooding through your head. Fuck, you really do want to kiss him, but  _ nope, _ you are not going to think about that right now.

Jade laughs again. “Sorry! I’ll stop embarrassing you about it, but… you know I’ve been there too! Dave’s just a really likeable guy.”

“What?” comes Davesprite’s voice as the room’s farther door opens. You think you might actually die on the spot, right then and there.

“Sorry!” yells Jade, trying to contain her giggles as Davesprite takes in her delighted face as well as your bright-red flustered one. “Not you, we were talking about the other Dave. Not that you’re not likeable of course!”

“Okay,” Davesprite says, and promptly turns on his tail and exits. You can only guess how much he deduced about your conversation from that single sentence, as well as your expressions.

“I’m gonna go to bed,” you tell Jade.

“Good idea.” She gives you one final smile. “Night! Thanks for telling me again.”

“No problem.”

You pull open the door and abscond to your room, heart still beating way too fast.


	10. jade: be a good listener

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was kinda hard because i haven't written much for jade before, but it was fun to take a break from the main 3 boys! and the second half of the chapter was really fun and interesting to write.
> 
> a note about updates... since school is starting for me, i have no idea what my update schedule's gonna be like! but i definitely will keep working on this.

John brings Dave and Rose over to the ship a couple days later. Making the jump with two people at once can’t have been easy, and you’re honestly impressed when he doesn’t instantly faint from the effort. Instead, he leans on Dave’s shoulder, and his friend is happy to support him until he can walk upright again. You can’t help but wonder if John’s really that tired, or if he just wants an excuse to be as physically close to Dave as possible. You wink at him a couple times. John rolls his eyes, but you can see a smidgen of pink on his cheeks.

“So! This is the ship!” You make a sweeping gesture, as if it wasn’t already obvious where you were.

“Very yellow,” says Rose.

“That’s what you get from a Prospitian battleship! I know you would’ve preferred purple, but this is what we have.”

“Fitting for the two Prospit dreamers.”

You show them around the ship. It’s fairly large—not as big as the meteor, but there are a bunch of rooms you’re not using, and therefore feel no need to show Dave and Rose. You visit the common room, where your computer is still set up, as well as the kitchen, John’s bedroom, and some of the places that various consorts and carapacians like to stay when they’re not back on their planets. You try to embellish your tour with random stories and fun facts, but the fact of the matter is, most of the ship isn’t all that interesting. Are Rose and Dave getting bored? You try to look for signs of fading interest on their faces, but Dave’s expression is, as always, a blank, and Rose just has that slight smile that you don’t know how to interpret.

What really surprises you is when Dave begins to speak to some of the carapacians. Er, not really  _ speak _ —he raises his hands and makes clumsy motions that look a lot like sign language. The carapacians get excited and respond in the same, and soon enough it looks like they’re having an actual conversation.

“Picked up some stuff from the Mayor,” explains Dave.

Near the end of the tour, Davesprite turns up, wandering aimlessly throughout the ship like he does sometimes. He freezes when he sees Dave. John, who’s been practically hanging from Dave’s neck for much longer than you suspect he actually needed the support, jumps away from him, miraculously able to stand on his own at that exact second.

“Hey,” says Dave.

Davesprite’s expression is usually as emotionless as Dave’s, but right now his face is pure shock. “Hey,” he responds.

“What’s up?”

“Not much.”

“Cool.”

Davesprite nods and forces a smile, then gets the hell out of there. You can’t help but feel a little disappointed—when was the last time the two of them actually talked? But you also know you can’t force anything; they’ll have a longer conversation when they’re ready.

The tour concludes with you fishing LOHAC and LOLAR out of your sylladex and holding them up in front of their respective kids. Rose’s eyes go wide as she identifies the baseball-sized planet hovering above your fingertips.

“I didn’t realize you saved our planets,” she whispers. “May I retrieve something from my house?”

“Of course!”

For the next few minutes, you help the two of them shrink down into their houses and grab whatever they like. Rose takes a lot of books. Dave finds a bunch of DVDs. You notice him stare wistfully at his turntable, but it’s too big to captchalogue. You offer to shrink it, but he shakes his head; that’d be too much of a hassle. He’ll just come visit when he feels like cooking up some sick beats on a machine he’s more familiar with.

“I think Davesprite uses it a lot,” you tell him.

“Huh,” is his response.

John does manage to take the two of them back, but he doesn’t return for a couple hours. You assume he recuperated on the meteor.

*

Getting to know the trolls has been an interesting experience, to say the least. You’ve warmed up to Karkat a lot—he’s much nicer to you than he ever was on Pesterchum, and talking to him face-to-face has made you realize just how shallow his aggressive demeanor really is. Vriska is… fine, you guess. Like Karkat, she pretends to be meaner than she really is, but you don’t know her well enough to make any firm judgements about her actual character. Kanaya is wonderful; you’ve had many great conversations with her, but lately she’s been hanging out just with Rose. Which, if you’re being honest with yourself, makes you a bit sad.

And then there’s Terezi. You don’t remember if you ever spoke with Terezi before coming to the meteor. You know you must’ve—you recall her teal text and all the numbers she substituted for letters—but your memories of that one day blur together in your mind, and if you had any conversations that were actually meaningful, you don’t remember them.

But now, you’re finding yourself enjoying Terezi’s company a lot more than you ever thought you would. You tag along with her and Vriska as they explore new parts of the meteor, taking back any technology or other found objects that might be useful later. You’ve tried to make a map multiple times, but what with all the transportalizers and rooms that look exactly the same, it proves frustrating, even for a Space player like yourself.

(Sometimes, in the dark, in the more remote parts of the meteor, you’ll see a pair of orange eyes and tall horns curving in a way that none of the other trolls’ do. The mysterious fifth troll, who you’ve heard stories about but never spoken to. He scampers away as soon as he sees you coming. You know he’s a murderer, but you can’t help but pity him.)

And sometimes, while John’s at movie night with the boys, you’ll visit Terezi in her room, and the two of you will talk for hours while she coats her walls with layers upon layers of chalk, enough to make you choke on days when the ventilation isn’t working properly. She tells you about Alternia, about her Flarp days with Vriska, how she lost her eyesight, how she became so interested in justice.

Today, she has something a bit different to tell you.

“Between me and you, Jade,” she says, thoughtfully nibbling on a piece of blue chalk, in that high, scratchy voice that’s strange but not annoying, “I am very glad I didn’t kill Vriska.”

You start. She hasn’t talked about this before. “Of course! She’s your moirail!”

“I would have done it, though.” She says it so confidently, so matter-of-factly, that you almost don’t have trouble believing it. “In another universe, I did do it. She had done something horrible, and had to face the punishment.”

“She killed someone, right?”

“Yes. Tavros.”

You remember Tavros, vaguely. He was nice. You feel a pang of sadness before Terezi speaks again.

“I don’t know how I made this journey without her. Or without you. Sometimes….” She falters, and you see her face tighten into a contemplative frown. “Jade, I have to warn you that this is incredibly stupid.”

“Don’t worry, it probably isn’t!”

“I  _ know _ why I—why my alternate universe self—needed Vriska to be alive in this timeline. She’s got some handy powers, like putting people to sleep! And she’s going to be great at strategizing when we get closer to the new session. Logically, I know both of those things. But I also wonder if she did it for me.”

“‘She’ being alt timeline Terezi?”

“Yes. Did she see how much I would need her, emotionally? That we would become moirails? That I would—”

Terezi stops. The chalk lays beside her, forgotten.

“This is stupid,” she declares.

“No, no, it definitely makes sense to me!”

“I just wonder how much of her decision was for the timeline, and how much of it was for—for my well-being.”

“Would one be better than the other?”

“Yes!” Terezi cries. She jumps to her feet and begins to pace. “I am a Mind player, Jade. I do things because they are logical and they are just. It—it bothers me in ways I cannot explain to think that I—that she—would be a key player in a plot to change the alpha timeline itself, and then….”

“And then keep Vriska alive because she knew her alt-self would benefit from it.”

“Yes, yes—for selfish reasons.”

“I guess, but you also said it benefited everyone if Vriska wasn’t dead.”

“I know,” says Terezi. She stops pacing and plops back down on the floor, picking at the chalk with one long fingernail. “And it isn’t a bad thing. To want me to be happier. But I can’t help but think, if she made one emotional decision, does that mean that some of her other changes to the timeline were prompted by similarly selfish reasons?”

“You say  _ selfish _ like it’s a bad thing!”

She sighs. “I know. It isn’t. Not in this context. But when it comes to the survival of the timeline, I hope she wasn’t being… careless.”

“Letting her emotions get in the way of logic?”

“Something like that.”

You laugh. “You sound like a Vulcan!”

“I do not know what that is, but if you say so.” She discards her blue chalk, plucking a bright red piece out of the pile and giving it a long sniff. “I am also wary of her advice regarding Karkat.”

“What?”

“She left me a message.  _ You don’t need him. _ Due to the context in which I saw that message, I assume that it was about Karkat.”

“What does it mean, do you think?”

Terezi shrugs. “I assume it was advising me against pursuing a red relationship with him. I did use to have feelings for him, after all.”

“Wait, you did??” Due to what little you’ve observed of the interactions between the two of them, you would never have guessed it.

“Yes. Not anymore. Anyway, I have made it clear that I am not interested in anything romantic with him, although it saddened me to do so at first. But it’s for the good of the timeline! However, I’m now coming to suspect that piece of advice.”

“Because it was about your emotions?”

“Exactly—while I first thought of it as a call to disregard my feelings for Karkat for the sake of the timeline, I’m now thinking that it could have been meant to save me personally from a potentially disastrous relationship. After all, the wording is  _ ‘you don’t need him,’ _ not  _ ‘don’t fill a quadrant with Karkat.’” _

You nod. “Yeah, I guess I can see that. But it benefited you, right?”

“Well, yes… if I hadn’t let go of Karkat early on, I might never have entered my moirallegiance with Vriska. And it’s probably best for Karkat too—I don’t need him, and he doesn’t need me. Maybe he’s destined to end up with Dave.” She grins.

“Then it’s all working out, isn’t it?”

“I guess,” says Terezi, her brow furrowing. “There is also the problem of John’s current meddling with spacetime, which still worries me… but I won’t go into that. And also….”

She stops, and doesn’t speak for a long time.

“Yeah?” you prompt.

“About Vriska. And our moirallegiance.”

“Is it not working out?”

“What? No! It’s amazing! I just… okay, two things. First, I worry I’m too dependent on her.”

“Well, you have me, right?”

“Right! And that’s great.” She flashes you a smile. “Okay, three things.”

“What’s the second?”

Terezi takes a deep breath, lets it out slowly. “I think I’m flushed for her.”

“Oh.”

“But I don’t want to give up our moirallegiance!” she’s quick to add. “It’s so fucking weird! I love being pale with her, but… I also want to be red?? It’s just a mockery of the quadrant system; I don’t know what Karkat would do if he knew I felt like this about someone….”

“Don’t worry about Karkat! You don’t need him, right?”

“Ha! Right.”

“So what are you going to do? Tell Vriska?”

“What? No!”

“Tell me what?” comes a voice from outside the door.

Terezi starts, running over to the door and opening it. A teal blush is spreading across her cheeks. Vriska stands outside, arms crossed, a devilish grin on her face.

“Having a feelings jam without me, Pyrope?” she asks.

“No!” yells Terezi. “This isn’t a feelings jam! We’re just friends talking about our problems!”

“Oh? So there’s no  _ pale infidelity _ going on here?”

“Shut up, you know that’s bullshit.”

Vriska’s smile slips off her face, and she glances at you before whispering, like she doesn’t want you to hear (but you can—dog ears are useful at times), “You guys have been hanging out a lot.”

“So? I can have more friends than just you!”

“But you’re my moirail.”

“Doesn’t mean I can’t talk with other people. Talking about feelings isn’t a pale-exclusive activity, Vriska!”

“All right,” says Vriska in an infuriatingly noncommittal tone, then raises her voice. “I’ve found an interesting room on the other side of the meteor. I think it might be a library. Want to come explore?”

Terezi grins. “Yeah! Jade?”

“Of course!” You leap to your feet, and follow them outside.


	11. dave: confront your avian alt self

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoa, another update so soon???  
> this one's another dave pov chapter!
> 
> warning for mentions of abuse, though not as detailed as last time

You’re hanging out in Can Town one day, aimlessly stacking cans while the Mayor scribbles expansion plans on the wall behind you, when who should turn up but one bright orange, crow-winged bastard who you’d sorta been wishing you wouldn’t have to talk to.

“Hey,” says Davesprite. He’s trying to keep his face devoid of emotion, but he can’t hide his fear, not from you—you know all his mannerisms because you have them too.

You stand, body relaxing into a hopefully nonchalant posture. “Hey. John took you over?”

“Yeah.”

“Cool,” you respond, and don’t mention that you had been internally hoping that John was the one knocking on the door seconds earlier.

“He said I should talk to you.”

“John?”

“Yeah.”

“About what?”

Davesprite’s tail twitches. “Just stuff about us. Identity and shit.”

Yeah. You anticipated that, kinda. You walk forward and plop down in the center of the room, legs criss-crossed and shoulders slumped like you’re not lowkey freaking out about the prospect of a heart-to-heart with your sprite-self. Davesprite cautiously approaches you.

“Cool. Yeah, let’s chat. Have some serious Strider bro time. Dump your feelings on me, man. I’m so fucking hyped to drown in identity issues that aren’t my own.”

“You’ve got identity issues, then?”

“Well, yeah. Not about sprite shit, though. That’s your area of expertise. But it’s chill. I’ve got it mostly figured out.”

“Right.” His tone is flat, but you detect a hint of jealousy.

“So,” you say, even though you know you’re gonna regret it, “how is the sprite shit, anyway? Do those feathers keep you warm or what? How’s the tail?”

“I miss having legs.”

“Yeah, legs are pretty dope.”

“You don’t get to say shit about legs; you’ve never lost them.”

“Fair. Do the wings make up for it?”

Davesprite jabs a thumb at the feathery stump on his left shoulder. “Wing.”

Shit, right. You can’t pretend that wasn’t the first thing you noticed when you saw him on the ship. Should you ask him about it? You feel like you should know already, but honestly, who expects you to remember every single thing that went down that day?

“How’d you lose it?” you ask because apparently your curiosity outweighs your sensitivity, especially when it comes to alt versions of you. You’ve seen yourself dead too many times to be fazed by a severed wing.

“Fought Jack with Bro. You know how that ended.”

An unwelcome jolt of panic floods your brain for half a second. You do know how that ended, with a sword in Bro’s chest. Just like Jack and Davesprite. But for him it was fatal.

“Yeah,” you say. “Yeah. That was… shitty.” Come on, you can do better than  _ shitty. _ “He didn’t deserve it. Despite, you know. All the stuff he did.”

No, wait, why the fuck did you say that. Davesprite’s just looking at you, and suddenly you have the overwhelming urge to rewind time a couple seconds and make your past self turn the conversation in another direction, any direction, because you don’t want to talk about Bro and you most certainly do not want to talk about Bro with any version of you.

“All the stuff he did,” replies Davesprite slowly.

“Yeah. You know.”

“The training?”

“Sure, you could call it that.”

There’s an uncomfortable silence.

“It was useful in the end,” says Davesprite, and he almost sounds like he believes it. “Fighting all those imps. And fighting Jack.”

“Yeah, and you lost a wing. All the training didn’t help you there, huh. Or help you protect him.”

_ Shit. _ That was absolutely not what you wanted to say; the instant the words tumble from your mouth you want to take them back. Davesprite’s eyebrows shoot up.

“What the fuck, dude?”

“Fuck. Sorry. I’ve just been… thinking about this.”

“About Bro?”

“I—yeah.”

He pauses again, as if considering whether or not to ask, but eventually he does. “What about him?”

You’re too deep into this to stop now. Your heart is pounding. “I know we both thought it was normal. But I don’t think it was. In fact I think it was kind of fucked up.”

Davesprite says nothing. His face is blank.

“The strifes?” he says after a second.

You nod.

“Training…” The word sounds like a statement, but it’s accompanied by an uncertainty that you know all too well.

“Do you dream about it?”

“What?”

“The strifes. Cal. Do you have nightmares?”

He lets out a tiny breath. “Sometimes.”

“That’s not normal, bro.”

“Fuck.”

The word  _ trauma _ hangs in the air. Neither of you says it. It seems like Davesprite has gotten the picture.

After a considerable silence, he whispers, “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“Yeah.”

“Got enough problems as it is.”

“Can’t imagine being a splinter bird sprite is too easy on the mind.”

He sighs. “Nah. Can’t say I love questioning whether or not I’m you on a daily basis.”

That wasn’t the level of honesty you were expecting at all, but you roll with it. “What? No, dude, you’re not me, you’re a fucking bird sprite.”

“Thanks.”

“Like—I guess you’re partially an Alt Dave—or like—shit. You know what? It doesn’t even matter.”

“Does it not?”

“Yeah? Like, whatever, we share some memories and shit, but I’m the cool time god on the meteor and you’re the cool crow slash game construct on the ship, and who fucking cares if we’re ‘actually both facets of the same person’ or some philosophical bullshit like that. We can argue over who has it worse or who’s the ‘real Dave’ or whatever til the sun goes down—and it never goes down out here, does it—but at the end of the day we’ve got different bodies and different lives, and you can’t be a fake-me because you’re literally right here, real as at it comes, talking to me.”

You’re about to open your mouth and spew some more vaguely-encouraging nihilism or whatever the fuck your rant qualifies as, but Davesprite’s looking at you with an expression even you can’t read, and you decide to can it and let him speak.

“I hate how right you are,” is what he says. “You’re so fucking right. I just can’t get over myself. Can’t stop comparing myself to you.”

“Shit. Sorry.” You don’t know what you’re apologizing for, but damn if you didn’t feel the biggest pang of regret and sympathy just then.

“Not your fault. I’m just fucked up.”

“We both are.”

“Ha. Yeah.”

“What are you gonna do about it?” you ask after a second.

“I dunno. Try to feel less shitty, I guess. Like hell that’s gonna work, though.”

“We could hang out. Watch some movies.”

“Not bad John ones?”

“I swear I will not show you a single John movie.”

“Thank god.”

There’s the sound of cans clinking together behind you, and you only just remember that the Mayor is here. He’s pretty absorbed in his work, though—he’s probably just tuning out your conversation.

You pick up a can and toss it to Davesprite. “Wanna help?”

“With what, stacking cans?”

“Yeah, man. Can Town. It’s great for stress relief.”

You usher him over to your tower, and he follows, looking vaguely interested.

“Random thing I’ve been wondering,” you say after you’ve both positioned yourselves around the tower, and the tension evident in Davesprite’s shoulders has lessened somewhat. “I came to a realization a little while ago. Did some soul searching and shit. Wondered if you might relate.”

“About what?”

You try to sound as casual as possible, despite your stomach twisting itself into a knot at the prospect of saying what you’re about to say. “Found out I’m pretty fucking gay. Bi, actually. Wild, huh?”

Davesprite freezes, and then says, “Shit.”

“You too?”

“Well, if you’re bi, I’m probably bi too.”

“Does sexuality even work that way?”

“I don’t fucking know.”

“How’s it feeling? Need some support from a fellow gay?”

“Shut up. I’m not gay.”

“That’s what I thought too, my dude.”

“I hate this,” Davesprite declares. “Fuck you. Now I’m gonna be thinking about this all night. Fuck.”

You grin. “Just doing my job, buddy. Now put down that can before you crush it to death.”

*

 

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  ectoBiologist [EB]

TG: yo thanks for bringing davesprite over  
TG: we had some fun  
TG: bonded over can town and shit  
TG: its amazing how much can town can do for people  
TG: helped me get to know the mayor and also karkat  
TG: made me realize hes not just a shouty douche  
EB: oh! i’m so glad you talked with him!  
EB: did he figure out all his identity issues?  
TG: we made some headway on that  
TG: hes a cool dude  
TG: im glad hes not just like  
TG: dave strider bird edition  
TG: talkin with alt daves is cool and all but hes different somehow and its neat  
EB: yay!  
EB: i’m so happy, he was really nervous about talking to you.  
TG: shit really  
EB: yeah, he has been having some problems.  
EB: what did you talk about?  
TG: idk stuff that happened a while ago  
TG: nothing important  
TG: oh yeah actually  
TG: total topic switcheroo here  
TG: can i like  
TG: get your advice  
TG: about a thing  
EB: whoa, really?  
EB: what kind of thing?  
TG: uh  
EB: is it about dave sprite?  
TG: nah  
TG: its about like  
TG: crushes and shit  
EB: what!!  
EB: holy shit!  
TG: dude  
EB: sorry! that just really surprised me for some reason.  
EB: it’s all fine, haha.  
EB: but you know i am not going to be able to give you any good crush advice!  
TG: lmao yeah cuz youve never had a crush  
EB: well, i wouldn’t say that.  
TG: oh yeah vriska  
EB: um, not really.  
EB: point is... i don’t know how to deal with crushes at all!  
EB: you should probably give ME advice.  
TG: what do you need advice  
EB: no, that was just hypothetical.  
EB: who’s your crush?  
TG: uh  
EB: wait, let me guess.  
EB: is it jade?  
TG: what no  
EB: never mind.  
EB: just a thought.  
EB: oh hang on, is it terezi?  
TG: nah dude terezis my bro  
TG: if there were any feelings between us that was forever ago  
EB: all right! i’ll stop guessing, sorry.  
TG: ok  
TG: yeah so  
TG: first of all  
TG: youve been assuming its a girl  
EB: oh man!  
EB: dave are you gay??  
TG: im  
TG: bi actually  
TG: i like girls too  
TG: but yeah i guess this is me coming out  
TG: super fucking ironic huh  
TG: the cool guy who used to like shit on gay stuff is now one of the gays  
EB: wow!!  
EB: that’s awesome!!!!  
TG: thanks  
EB: but let’s see, your crush.  
EB: hmm  
EB: is it...  
EB: is it me?  
TG: lmao no of course not  
EB: oh.  
TG: yeah dont worry  
TG: im not gonna turn you gay or anything  
TG: god if i did like you thatd be even more ironic huh  
TG: but nah  
TG: its karkat  
TG: tada you know now  
TG: john where did you go  
TG: say something im waiting in suspense for your reply  
EB: sorry, i’m here.  
EB: cool!!!  
EB: karkat is great, and you are great too.  
EB: um, i don’t know what else to say.  
EB: if you like karkat, that’s all right.  
EB: i mean, it’s fine.  
EB: uh...  
EB: i definitely don’t have anything against the idea of you having a crush on karkat. it’s all good.  
EB: sorry, that phrasing was pretty awkward.  
EB: anyway...  
EB: what advice did you want?  
TG: well how do i tell him  
EB: um, maybe just text him and say that you like him?  
EB: or that you’re flushed for him, if you want to be particularly troll-ish.  
TG: wow you really are bad at romantic advice  
EB: i warned you dawg!!  
EB: or maybe...  
EB: you could just not tell him?  
TG: that is definitely a thing that i could do  
EB: like you said, it’s a crush! maybe it will blow over?  
TG: maybe  
TG: but like  
TG: god its gonna drive me insane if i dont do anything  
TG: do you think he likes me back  
EB: um, i don’t know.  
EB: probably not.  
TG: that was very encouraging thanks egbert youre a true pro at making me not feel shitty about this  
EB: sorry!!  
EB: i am not trying to make you feel shitty.  
EB: i’m just trying to look at it realistically?  
EB: i think he likes someone else.  
TG: oh like terezi or something  
EB: maybe not terezi, but something like that.  
TG: fuck dude  
TG: how do you know did he tell you  
EB: uh, it’s kind of hard to explain.  
EB: never mind.  
EB: but, i guess, if you think he likes you back, you should tell him!  
EB: or not.  
EB: at least he’ll still be your friend if he rejects you, right?  
TG: yeah  
TG: fuck why am i so anxious about this  
EB: well, if you don’t tell him, you probably won’t be anxious about it?  
TG: yeah but then ill have to live with like  
TG: sitting next to him while watching a movie or some shit  
TG: and not being able to take his hand  
TG: even though i really want to  
TG: i just wanna hold hands with a boy is that really too much to ask  
EB: you can hold my hand if you like!  
TG: pfff thanks  
TG: i should probably talk to rose about this but i think ive bothered her enough  
EB: if you don’t know what to do, maybe that’s a sign that you should wait it out a little.  
TG: yeah i guess thats a good idea  
EB: sorry i can’t help you more!  
TG: its fine  
TG: ill just try not to think about it  
TG: im very good at repressing my emotions  
TG: hey do you need advice for your crush  
TG: im not gonna be helpful at all but im kinda curious now tbh  
EB: whoa, i never said i had a crush on anyone!  
EB: besides, i wouldn’t tell you if i did.  
TG: what why not  
TG: are we not bros john  
TG: is this not the kind of thing bros tell each other  
EB: yeah, you’re right.  
TG: so is it vriska or no  
EB: dave!!!!  
TG: fine i wont bother you about it  
EB: thanks.  
EB: but for the record, i never liked vriska that way.  
EB: um, maybe we should stop talking about this now.  
TG: sure  
EB: good luck with karkat!

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering  turntechGodhead [TG]


	12. i’m karkalicious (so delicious) no i don’t do kismesis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> decided to do that thing fic writers sometimes do where they name a chapter after an edgy song lyric :) it relates, though probably not in the way you'd think…
> 
> back to john's pov! this chapter was super fun to write and i'd been looking forward to it for a while! (despite the silly title it's actually a fairly serious chapter)

Your name is John Egbert, and you’re beginning to think you might be kind of fucked.

It’s a love triangle. There’s no other word for the current romantic clusterfuck you’ve found yourself in the middle of, and you wonder if any of your friends have figured it out yet. You like Dave, Dave likes Karkat, and Karkat likes you. This kind of bullshit is only possible if one or more of the involved parties is queer. You’re all super gay, and it’s a big mess.

Movie night with Dave and Karkat continues unimpeded. You have to wonder, is this what normal friends do? Sit around and watch movies every time they see each other? The three of you have got to be a special case, though—you’re stuck on a meteor, and it’s not like you can go out to a park or a restaurant like a normal friend group. And the semi-frequent dream bubbles are too weird and disorienting to properly exploit for bro hangouts.

So you just sit on the couch and watch movie after movie on Karkat’s husktop, pretending that there isn’t always a hint of tension in the air, that the question of who sits in the middle isn’t way more important than it seems, that every accidental brush of limbs or clothing isn’t instantly noticed and therefore made ten times more awkward.

Or maybe it’s just you. Dave doesn’t know about what happened between you and Karkat. And he definitely doesn’t know just how hard you’re crushing on him. For better or for worse.

You understand what he was talking about, now. What he said about Karkat. The agony of sitting next to the person you like, and not being able to take his hand, or press your face into his shoulder, or play with his cape, or any of the little things you’d imagine you’d do if you were dating. And now you can’t even lean against him when you’re tired, because it’s not just a bro thing anymore—he’s gay and you’re gay too (even if he doesn’t know that) and that just makes it way too awkward….

Karkat continues to showcase his selection of Alternian romance films. They’re all very different than what you’re used to, and while some are pretty trashy, you have to admit that you’re enjoying them a lot. Karkat makes sure to explain the historical context of each movie’s creation—from tame, mainstream tales of a single flushed pair, to fringe, borderline subversive chronicles of vacillation and polyamory and panquadrantism and all sorts of taboo topics.

One particularly revolutionary one ends with the three main characters all dating each other, red-ways. That’s definitely not a normal troll thing. You can’t help comparing it to your own romantic scenario, even though the movie is about two girls and a genderless person (another thing you’d never see in human cinema, unfortunately)—what if you, Dave, and Karkat had, like, a threesome? Is that just a weird sex thing, or can it be romantic too? How would it even work out? You decide not to think about it; there are probably easier solutions to your problem.

Your Pesterchum conversation with Dave is the last time you talk about crushes. None of you bring it up after that, even though you catch Dave stealing glances at Karkat every so often. It makes your stomach clench in a pang of jealousy.

*

You can’t talk to Dave about it, not without completely fucking everything up. You decide to go for the next best option.

This time, you zap into the hallway right outside Karkat’s bedroom. The days of interrupting him while he’s changing are over—not that you ever intended that, of course. You just want to talk with him. Man to man. The question is, will he want to talk to you?

You knock on the door. By meteor time, it’s fairly late—10 or 11 at night (you’ve calibrated ship time to be roughly equivalent; you don’t want to be asleep while the whole meteor is awake)—but night is the best time for talking about your feelings because you tend to feel them more strongly then. Er, at least  _ you _ do. You expect Karkat does as well.

“Who is it?” comes Karkat’s rough voice from the other side of the door.

“Me,” you say, and trust him to recognize your voice.

There are footsteps, and the door opens. Karkat stares up at you, his posture slumped and eyes tired. He always looks tired.

“What,” is his version of a greeting.

“Hey!”

“I changed an hour ago. You missed your opportunity to walk in on me.”

“Don’t worry, I’ve seen enough naked trolls for a lifetime.” He quirks an eyebrow, and you clarify, “Those Alternian movies.”

“What do you want, Egbert.”

You invite yourself in, and Karkat sighs, closing the door behind you. You sit on the bed; he stays standing, arms crossed but not appearing like he wants you to leave. What should you say first? There are multiple things you want to ask him about, but maybe it’s safer to start with something about you. He deserves to know, anyways.

“Just wanted to let you know, uh….” You pause. You’ve known this for weeks, but it hasn’t gotten any easier to say out loud. “So. I’m gay now.”

Karkat blinks, then connects the dots and suddenly starts to laugh.

“Holy fuck, John!”

“Yeah.”

“Jegus. What happened to John ‘I am not a homosexual’ Egbert?”

“I—well—I did some thinking, and… yeah. I like boys.”

You wait for Karkat to tease you in some way, maybe comment on your previous insistences of exclusive heterosexuality, or mention that one time you kissed Dave, but all he says is “Okay.”

“‘Okay’?”

“Yeah, what do you want, a goddamn acceptance speech? ‘I am flushed for men exclusively; I’m so great’?”

“No! I just wanted to tell you.”

“Well, you’ve told me. Thanks, I guess.”

“And, uh. Ask you something.”

Karkat’s eyes widen, but he does his best to conceal the nervousness suddenly evident on his face. “What?”

“So… on Earth, being into the same gender is considered romantically abnormal. Queer. A good word for it! But on Alternia, where most trolls are bi, what’s the equivalent?”

Karkat shrugs in a way that you think is supposed to be nonchalant, but he’s forcing himself to make the gesture; he’s actually fairly anxious. “I don’t know. If you’re only into pale or ashen romance, that’s pretty damn strange. Also illegal, since conciliatory pairs or trios don’t… uh… provide genetic material.”

“What about quadrant vacillation?”

“No, no, that’s not the same. I mean, I guess there’s  _ some _ stigma around it, but it’s not… it’s not as bad as other things.”

“Like liking someone in multiple quadrants?”

You see Karkat’s shoulders tense. Bullseye.

“What is your point.” He can’t hide the anxiety in his agitated voice.

“Well, we, uh… we have something in common, right?”

“You think I’m queer??”

“Uh. Yeah?”

“I’m male. I like boys. That makes me bisexual or something in your system, right.”

“Yeah, but…” You consider your words carefully. You don’t know jack shit about the LGBT community or how it defines itself, but you’ve got a theory. “You’re Earth-queer, but also Alternia-queer? If you think about queerness as like, some difference in the way you experience romance that makes people hate you. I don’t know if that’s the right definition at all! But I can’t help thinking that quadrants are to trolls as heterosexuality is to humans.”

Wow, holy shit, you never imagined you’d ever contemplate cultural ideals of sexuality in this much depth, but here you are. Maybe Rose has rubbed off on you. Meanwhile, Karkat is just staring at you, a yellow-eyed deer caught in the headlights.

“So,” you say, because you need to drive this point home, “because you like people in multiple quadrants, that makes you queer. Ish. And that means we have something in common.”

He blinks, uneasy. “How did you know I like people in multiple quadrants?” he asks quietly.

“You told me.”

“When?”

“Uh… a while ago? That one time I accidentally appeared in here and… yeah.”

Karkat grimaces. “I’d blocked that particular event out of my memory.”

“But you were telling the truth, then, right?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I was.” Karkat exhales, dropping onto the bed beside you, leaning back until he’s lying next to you, feet just barely touching the floor. You can’t help but feel a tiny rush of excitement. Is this Karkat finally opening up to you?

Turns out, it is. Karkat squeezes his eyes shut, and begins to speak.

“I finally began to suspect it… oh, fuck, it must’ve been a sweep or two ago? With Sollux. Jegus, I miss him so fucking much. I could never tell what quadrant I wanted with him. Somedays I listened to him whine about his problems, and I just wanted to shooshpap him into oblivion. Some days I loathed him. Some days I wished someone would auspisticize between us. And some days I even wanted to kiss him. It was bad.”

“Did you deny it to yourself?”

“Yeah. Definitely. It’s so painfully obvious now, though, that that’s what was going on. Then I had little pale crushes on… oh, I don’t know. Eridan. Kanaya. And those felt normal enough, so I just pretended that whatever the fuck was happening with Sollux was some sort of stupid exception. Hell, I even had a perfectly regular moirallegiance with Gamzee before he dumped me. Then there was Terezi.”

“Oh, yeah, you liked her, right?”

Karkat lets out a kind of strangled laugh. “If  _ liked _ means  _ flushed for, _ yeah, very much so. But I was also so fucking pitch for her. We vacillated a shit ton, then I finally accepted that yeah, I wanted her in every quadrant like a desperate fool. Then she rejected me, and now she and Vriska are the palest of pals. Honestly, I deserve it, and so does she.”

“Why do you say that?”

“Come on, you know it’d never work between us.”

“Do you still… like her? In any quadrant?”

There’s a pause. Karkat sighs. “Not really. I think I’m over her, thank god. I’ve got too much other shit to worry about.”

You wait for him to elaborate, but he doesn’t. It’s clear what he’s thinking about. After a second, you ask quietly, “Like me?”

He groans, and rolls over so he isn’t facing you anymore. “Yeah.”

“Do you… do you still think I’m destined to be your kismesis?”

“Of course not, I’m not an idiot. You’ve made it very clear you don’t feel anything resembling black romance for me, or anyone. And you know, I don’t think I ever truly believed you’d be my perfect caliginous partner.”

“Quadrant vacillation?”

“It’s not even vacillation this time! It’s just straight-up pan-quadrant bullshit, that’s what it is. I’m such a fucking moron to think I could ever have a proper kismesis; I couldn’t even hate you without simultaneously….”

He trails off, but you know what he means. You nod.

“And that’s not even counting my smorgasbord of emotions when it comes to Dave fucking Strider!”

Oh,  _ shit. _ Does Karkat like Dave back in some capacity?? You try to conceal the sudden panic in your voice as you ask, “What  _ are _ your feelings about Dave?”

“I don’t fucking know,” says Karkat, and mercifully doesn’t say more.

“Is there anything I can do to help you?”

He turns back towards you. “Yeah. Stop being so goddamn attractive.”

You snort, but you feel your heart flutter in your chest. “Sorry, dude, no can do!”

Karkat shuts his eyes again and runs his hands down his face. He doesn’t speak for a good thirty seconds.

“I hate how pale I am for you,” he finally mutters.

“Wait, what? I thought you were—”

“Yeah, yeah, all the pan-quadrant shit. But right now? Talking to you is just… feeling really fucking nice. Vacillation, at it again.”

“So this is a feelings jam?”

He shrugs. “Sure. More or less.”

“It is nice.”

“Really?”

“Yeah! Just being so… open and honest with each other, I guess.”

Karkat doesn’t say anything, but he scoots a little closer to you on the bed. You have the sudden urge to like… pat him on the head or something unambiguously platonic like that. You meant what you said; spending this time with him alone is making you feel really good.

“Hey Karkat?”

“Hmm?”

“Do… do you want to be moirails?”

Karkat sits up so fast he almost bangs his head against the wall. The two of you are sitting next to each other now; you’re less than a foot apart.

“You want to be my moirail??”

“I mean… I guess I do, yeah.”

“Do humans even feel pale attraction?”

You shrug. “Maybe? But from what I understand, it’s sort of like… like when you care about someone, and want to help them, and talk with them, and push them them to be the best that they can be. I might not call it  _ pale _ if I didn’t know about quadrants, but I think that’d be the best word for how I feel about you.”

He doesn’t speak for a moment, just stares at you with wide, unblinking eyes like he doesn’t quite comprehend the proposal you’re making. “It’s… more complicated than that.”

“But do I have the gist of it?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”

“So what do you say?”

Karkat leans back against the wall, avoiding your eyes. “I don’t know if I’d be able to commit to one quadrant like that.”

“It doesn’t have to be perfect! Since I’m a human, I’m bound to fuck some things up. We can experiment with it. See what works for us.”

“What if it doesn’t work at all, though??”

“Then we go back to being regular friends!”

“John. Moirallegiance isn’t some sort of  _ friendship plus. _ It’s a type of romance.”

“I….” Shit, does that mean you’d be dating Karkat? But not in a regular way at all. And you can’t back out now; the more you think about the idea, the more it excites you. “Yeah. That’s cool with me. I’m up for it. Are you?”

He sighs. “Believe me, I would fucking love to be your moirail. I just… I don’t know. I’m worried.”

“About what?”

“About screwing something up. About my feelings flipping back to black or red and staying there. About… accidentally hurting you, or making you feel uncomfortable, or pulling some stupid shit like… what happened when you first zapped over here.”

“Wait, you’re still embarrassed about kissing me that one time?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Let’s just let that go. We talked about it! It’s all good! No hard feelings.”

You reach out a hand and pap his cheek like a proper moirail. Karkat visibly relaxes, his shoulders losing their tension. He leans into you, and you put an arm around him as he rests his head on your shoulder. Oh man, you’re actually making physical contact now, and it should be awkward, but… somehow, it’s not. It’s nice to feel his rapid pulse beneath your fingertips, and his hair against your neck.

“I still want to kiss you,” he murmurs, and okay, now it’s a little awkward.

“That’s okay,” you say before you can stop yourself. “Maybe we can do that sometime.”

Wait, what the fuck? Why would you say that?? But Karkat just laughs.

“No way, I am not forcing you into kissing me again.”

“What if it wasn’t forced?”

“John. Stop it.”

You shut up. You have no idea where you were going with that, anyway.

“So, moirails?” you ask after a moment.

“I… yeah. Let’s do it.”

You move your other arm and wrap it around his torso. He settles into a more comfortable position, closing his eyes.

“Can we… not tell anyone about this?” whispers Karkat.

“Yeah, of course.”

Minutes pass. Karkat puts his arms around your waist, pulling you tightly to his chest. You know you have to leave sooner or later—Jade’s going to come looking for you, and no way in hell are you letting her find you like this—but Karkat’s embrace is so warm, and so insistent, like he’s never going to let you go…

Finally, Karkat moves away from you, letting his hand linger for a second on your knee. The moment’s over.

“Do moirails do a lot of cuddling?” you ask.

“Kind of? Usually in piles of stuff.”

“Wait, what?”

“Uh. I’ll explain some other time.”

“Okay. Cool.”

You force yourself to stand up, and stretch. Karkat stays on the bed, watching you with a soft gaze that makes your heart ache. What if being his moirail isn’t enough for him? He has so many feelings, and you can’t possibly satisfy all of them…

“John?”

You realize you’ve just been watching him, thoughts circling around in your head. You make up your mind. You bend down, put a gentle hand at the back of his neck, and give him a quick kiss. Before he can fully react (freeze, pull you closer, anything like that), you step away, open the door, and abscond. Your heart is beating way too fast.

“John!” comes Karkat’s voice from behind you. You turn. His face is flushed dark grey.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks. For everything.”

You just kind of nod, head buzzing. This is the sort of thing you’re going to regret later. But Karkat deserves it.

As you run off to go find Jade, the last couple minutes (hours?) play on repeat through your head. You have a moirail! Who you may or may not be subconsciously attracted to! But you put that second idea out of your thoughts; you don’t need to worry about that right now. Two gay crushes would be a lot more confusing than just one.


	13. jade: have your own meteor movie night

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  gardenGnostic [GG]

TG: yo jade  
TG: youre with vriska and terezi right  
TG: lmk when you check your phone ive got something to ask you  
GG: oh sorry! im here!!  
GG: whats up?  
TG: you wanna hang out sometime  
GG: ooh yes!! <3  
GG: what sort of hangout are you proposing?  
TG: movies are always good  
TG: i just thought we should spend some time together  
TG: since we havent done that since the whole frog thing  
GG: youre right, we should definitely do that  
GG: i have been watching so many movies lately though....  
TG: cool you can show me one you like  
GG: hmm i feel like wed have really different tastes :/  
TG: im good with anything  
TG: actually ive watched too many romcoms lately lets not see a romcom  
GG: hehe ok!  
GG: i wasnt going to suggest one  
GG: do you like superhero movies?  
TG: sometimes  
TG: i like really shitty ones  
GG: of course you do :p  
GG: i was going to suggest the incredibles, but that one isnt shitty at all!  
TG: oh yeah ive seen that  
GG: its good!  
GG: but maybe we should see something less mainstream  
GG: what about really old obscure scifi movies?  
TG: sounds promising  
TG: as long as its not contact  
TG: thats a john movie and i refuse to see a john movie  
GG: oh yes, ive seen too many john movies  
GG: i was thinking of something called forbidden planet!  
GG: it is very weird but i kind of like it for some reason!!  
GG: there are bad special effects, im sure youll have fun with those  
TG: im ready  
GG: are you sure? its really a very odd movie!  
TG: come on now ive gotta see it  
TG: bad special effects are my jam  
GG: when should we do it? tonight?  
TG: nah ive got a movie date with davesprite  
TG: fuck no i didnt mean it like that  
TG: not a romantic date  
GG: hehehe i know what you meant dave!  
GG: thats so great though :0 im glad the two of you are bonding!  
TG: yeah more or less  
GG: hmm... its hard to schedule these sorts of things because you never know when john will be too tired to take us over  
GG: tomorrow night?  
TG: nah thats when im gonna binge watch disney princess movies with karkat  
GG: omg  
TG: theyre romances hell love them  
TG: how bout we just schedule our movie night for sometime in the next week  
TG: whenever you feel like it  
TG: ha whats john gonna do while were hanging out  
TG: he follows me around 24/7 when hes over here  
TG: maybe he can hang with rose  
TG: then theyll fall in love and karkats shipping chart will come true  
TG: no wait rose is a raging lesbian scratch that  
GG: hehe, maybe john can tag along on one of her dates with kanaya!  
TG: god can you imagine that though  
TG: hed get so flustered  
TG: nah hell probably just chill with karkat  
TG: hes been doin that a lot recently and idk why but i gotta say its nice to be free of the constant egbertian presence  
TG: that was a joke i love john  
GG: oh???  
TG: yeah im super fuckin gay for him im on my way to a makeout sesh right now  
GG: wait really??  
TG: no  
GG: oh :p  
TG: cant say id be opposed to making out with him though  
TG: between me and you jade hes pretty kissable  
GG: ...  
GG: dave you have not succeeded in persuading me youre not secretly in love with john...  
TG: what  
TG: no i  
TG: jade this is peak irony i am being 100 percent ironic rn  
TG: just cuz i liked kissing him that one time doesnt mean i wanna kiss him again sheesh  
GG: ok.....  
TG: that was a big jump to conclusions you just made  
TG: what were we talking about anyway  
TG: movie night  
TG: come whenever youre free  
GG: ok! maybe in a few days then  
TG: also for the record i am gay but not for john

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering  gardenGnostic [GG]

GG: wait what????

 

*

Your name is Jade Harley, and you are a little bit confused about the romantic dilemmas of your friends.

First, there’s Terezi, who spends a good amount of your time together blatantly flirting with Vriska. Somehow, this just registers in Vriska’s mind as normal moirail talk, so she jokingly flirts back, and Terezi gets nothing out of it but some momentary fun and long-term disappointment.

Then there’s John, who even you can tell is head over heels for Dave. And Dave, who is… apparently gay?? You’re starting to think that might’ve just been another ironic joke—of all your friends, Dave seems the straightest, despite all the stuff he’s said about John (a lot of which you’re tempted to believe is true, in some way, shape, or form). And besides, if Dave were gay, then Davesprite would probably be gay too, and he wouldn’t have dated you in the alternate universe if he weren’t into girls, would he??

And if Dave and John and Rose are all gay, does that mean you’re the only straight person in your friend group? That’s a pretty weird thought, actually. And you’re technically questioning (you know you like boys, you’ve definitely liked boys before, but god  _ damn _ is Terezi attractive), so does that mean that there are  _ no _ straight people in your friend group?? What a coincidence that’d be, huh!

You’re still thinking about this as you head towards the lounge. 8:30, that’s when you’re meeting Dave. It’s only around 8, so you still have time, but you were thinking you could chill out with him for a little—maybe get some of your questions answered.

Your plans abruptly change when your phone buzzes in your pocket.

 

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling  gardenGnostic [GG]

GC: H3Y J4D3  
GC: 1 4M 1N 4 B1T OF 4 T1GHT SPOT  
GC: VR1SK4 WONT R3SPOND, 4ND 1M G3TT1NG 4 L1TTL3 N3RVOUS >:/  
GG: oh no!!  
GG: whats going on??  
GC: 1TS G4MZ33  
GC: H3 K33PS FOLLOW1NG M3 4ROUND WH3N3V3R 1M 4LON3  
GC: H3 4PPRO4CH3D M3 ONC3 4BOUT H1S C4L1G1NOUS F33L1NGS FOR M3, BUT FORTUN4T3LY VR1SK4 GOT H1M TO B4CK OFF  
GG: thats black romance right?  
GC: Y3S  
GC: UND3R OTH3R C1RCUMST4NC3S 1T M1GHT B3 FL4TT3R1NG  
GC: BUT TH3 F4CT OF TH3 M4TT3R 1S TH4T H3 CR33PS M3 TH3 FUCK OUT  
GC: H3S NOT TH3 G4MZ33 TH4T 1 US3D TO KNOW 4ND 1 DONT W4NT TO F1LL 4 QU4DR4NT W1TH H1M B3C4US3 1 KNOW 1T WOULD B3 UNH34LTHY FOR BOTH OF US  
GC: 1V3 TR13D TO T3LL H1M TH4T BUT H3 K33PS PUSH1NG  
GC: 4ND SP3W1NG SH1T 4BOUT D3ST1NY 4ND TH3 M1RTHFUL M3SS14HS 4ND 4LL TH4T  
GG: yikes, that does not sound good at all!  
GG: how can i help you??  
GC: 1M 1N TH3 TH1RD L4BOR4TORY  
GC: TH3 F4RTH3ST ON3 FROM TH3 M41N BU1LD1NG  
GC: 1F YOU COULD F1ND M3 4ND T4K3 M3 B4CK TO TH3 COMMON ROOM 1D R34LLY 4PPR3C14T3 1T  
GC: 1 KNOW 1T SOUNDS STUP1D, BUT 1 WOULD R4TH3R NOT M4K3 TH4T TR1P 4LON3  
GG: ill be right there!!  
GG: hold tight terezi im coming <333

gardenGnostic [GG] ceased trolling  gallowsCalibrator [GC]

 

*

You find Terezi in the middle of the laboratory, her knees bent and feet angled in a defensive position, cane at the ready for some clown-whacking. She sniffs the air when you enter, then lowers her cane and sighs.

“Thanks,” is all she says.

Your journey back to the common room is completely silent. Terezi stares straight ahead. You know she can tell where she’s going, but you have the strangest urge to take her hand and guide her.

It’s after 8:30 when you get back, so you leave Terezi in the common room and abscond without a proper goodbye. That would just involve staring more at her (beautiful) face, and you think you’ve done enough of that today.

*

“Sorry,” you tell Dave when you get to the lounge, retrieving the Forbidden Planet DVD from your sylladex and tossing it to him. “Something came up. Hope you weren’t waiting for too long!”

“It’s cool.” He pops open the DVD and inserts the disk into a spider-like computer on the floor that you think is Karkat’s.

“Where’s Karkat?”

“Hanging out with John, I think. He said I could use his computer.”

You sit down next to him, close enough to be friendly but far enough away that none of your limbs are touching. Being alone with him is bringing back memories of frog breeding and your former crush, and while you’re certain you don’t like him like that anymore, there’s still a potential for awkwardness there.

You find out pretty quickly that Forbidden Planet just isn’t a Dave Movie. It’s not bad enough to laugh at and make fun of, but it’s not genuinely good enough for him to actually enjoy it. There are definitely some parts he likes, but unlike you, his movie taste doesn’t include sci-fi films from the 50s that are loosely based off of Shakespeare plays. Do you like space movies because you’re a Space player? Perhaps.

So it doesn’t really surprise you when around the middle of the film, Dave starts to focus more on chatting than actually watching.

“You ever feel like you’re in a sci-fi movie?” he asks suddenly.

“What do you mean?”

“I can time travel… that seems pretty fucking sci-fi to me. And you can… shrink shit? Like Ant-Man?”

“And make it bigger, too!”

“Yeah. Wild. Guess we’re just superheroes. But instead of being Ant-Man, you’re Dog-Woman.”

You giggle. “That doesn’t tell people what my powers are, though! Shouldn’t my name be something more like… Space Witch?”

“Nah, you’ve gotta be more creative than that. Time Knight? Boring.”

“Classpects are kinda like superhero titles, though!”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“What about Green Witch?”

He considers this. “Green because of your text color? The Green Sun?”

“Yeah! Also a reference to Scarlet Witch.”

“Who?”

“I thought you knew stuff about superheroes!”

“What, just because of the Ant-Man thing? I literally just know the name.”

“What would  _ your _ superhero name be, then?”

“Clockstopper,” he answers immediately. “And John would be Windbreaker.”

That was surprisingly fast. “Isn’t a windbreaker a type of jacket or something?”

“Yes? That’s the point. It’s ironic.”

“You’ve definitely put a lot of thought into this.”

Dave shrugs. “Some. One time when I was bored I just imagined what it’d be like if me and John were a superhero duo. I guess Clockstopper doesn’t really work for me because I can’t actually stop time, but the two of them go together, which is cool.”

You decide not to mention that this particular anecdote—the fact that Dave has not only come up with matching superhero names for him and John, but he’s also imagined them as a  _ duo _ —is only adding evidence to your case that John’s crush secretly likes him back.

“Couldn’t figure out one for Karkat, though,” Dave is saying. It’s looking like this might become a Dave Rant. “Blood’s hard, especially if you’re trying to find a name that doesn’t sound super violent or whatever. Karkat says Blood’s about, like, bonds and leadership and shit. I thought Bloodseeker, but that just sounds stupid. Maybe something to do with Pulse, like his planet. Pulser. Pulsar. Hey, I bet we could come up with superhero names for everyone. Rose could be Lightbringer. Sounds kinda badass. Then you’d be… shit. Space… no, we could work with your land. Frost? Frost… freezer? Frostmelter. Frogcatcher. No. Hey, John could be Breathcatcher. Cause like, catching your breath and shit? No, Breathtaker. Cause he’s fucking breathtaking, huh? Nah, that sounds like he’s a Thief of Breath, like taking breath. What’d that even be like? You just fucking steal people’s air? Or you’re so goddamn gorgeous you take their breath away. Then what does Heir even mean? Heir of Breath? Inherit breath? Oh fuck, it’s a pun.  _ Air. _ Heir of Air, huh.”

You just kinda nod along.

“Then a Knight is a fighter, right. A soldier. So Knight of Time… I fight for time? I fight time? Fuck, I hate fighting. Sometimes feels like I’m fighting time, though. So fucking glad I don’t have to time travel anymore.”

That actually piques your interest. “How come?”

“We don’t need any time loops, do we. No magic frogs to catch?”

“No, why don’t you like time travel?”

Dave sighs, and he’s actually quiet for a second before he responds. “It just fucks you up, seeing yourself die so many times. It’s an inherent part of the way I can time travel, I guess… all those Doomed Daves that can’t live and be paradoxes. You know it’s gonna happen, and how it’s gonna happen; you’re gonna die again, and there’s nothing you can do to prevent it.”

That was a lot heavier than you expected. “I’m sorry,” you say.

“Wait, for what?”

“For making you catch frogs with me! I knew it would be hard on you, but—”

“No—Jade—what?” His brows are furrowed now; neither of you are paying the slightest attention to the movie. “It’s not like we couldn’t have done that. We had to. Gotta make the universe frog. And you couldn’t do that without me. You didn’t  _ make _ me do anything.”

You sigh. “Yeah. I guess it’s the game that made you do that.”

“The game just loves to fuck with people,” mutters Dave.

“We did it though!” You try to sound hopeful. “We made the Genesis Frog!”

“Yeah,” he says, but he still sounds dejected. You can almost hear him say,  _ but at what cost? _

You swallow, and it’s a moment before you speak again. “I… can’t imagine what that must’ve been like. To exist on borrowed time… time that you—that we—weren’t supposed to have in the first place. For days? Weeks?”

“I don’t know.” He sighs. “And then you had to fucking watch me die. It’s just not fair. You can’t win with time travel.”

“You’re going to have to do it again,” you say, and the look that Dave gives you makes you wish you could take it back.

“What, to fight Lord English?”

“Yeah?”

“Fuck Lord English.”

“I know it’ll be hard, but it’s—”

“Another inevitability? Cause I’m supposed to be the one who defeats him or some shit?” He runs an agitated hand through his hair. “I’ve spent so much of my life being forced to fight. And now I’d like to think I have a choice about fighting this time.”

“I… guess you do, but….” You pause. Man, you know exactly what you want to say, but you know Dave’s not going to like it. You decide to be honest. “We all have to contribute something. You’ve done a lot already! But there’s more to do, and you can’t just give up now.”

“I’m not giving up—”

“It kind of sounds like you are!”

“I just don’t want to fight. Is that so hard to understand?”

“I don’t want to either! But it’s not fair to the team if we don’t!”

You can feel the weight of his gaze on you through his shades. “What do you know about violence? And  _ actually _ fighting for your life? I don’t give a fuck about being a hero; I just never want to have to do that again.”

You feel like he isn’t talking about time travel this time. You want to tell him he’s being selfish; he has abilities that you need to exploit… but frankly, this isn’t the time for that. That would just be mean. And besides, you get the feeling there’s something going on here that you don’t understand—that only Dave can understand, and he isn’t about to explain it to you.

“Okay,” you say. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to push you. It’s not important right now, anyway.”

Dave sighs, and some of the tension drains out of him. He leans back against the couch, watching the computer screen for a second with unseeing eyes.

“Just my luck, to be stuck with the most destructive aspect,” he murmurs.

“And I have the most creative one! So we balance each other out.”

“Is Space as hard as Time?”

“What?”

“We both know Time is a fucky aspect. Is Space that bad?”

That’s… not a question you’d thought of before. “I don’t know. Space is big. It’s kinda scary. But I haven’t had many chances to use my Space powers, except when I got us out of our old session.”

“Shrinking shit isn’t too bad.”

“Yeah. But… I also got powers from Bec, right? And he’s a First Guardian! Space stuff I have pretty much under control, but I have no idea what the limits are now that I’ve got all the energy of the Green Sun at my beck.” You giggle a little at your pun. “It’s overwhelming.”

“You can travel anywhere, right? Once we’re back near the Sun?”

“Yeah.”

“I guess that is pretty powerful.”

“And I got them all at once, too, when I went god tier! You and John and everyone else… your powers were emerging even before you ascended, but for me, it was all pretty sudden!”

“But you know how to use them, more or less? That’s a step in the right direction.”

“Yeah.”

It’s silent for a minute or two. The movie keeps playing. You’re not all that interested in it anymore, but you use it to distract yourself from all the thoughts flowing around in your head—about you, about Dave, about god tier powers, about the inevitable final battle. You have a feeling you’re going to be instrumental in that, and you’re not really looking forward to it.

“Can I change the subject?” you ask Dave.

“Go ahead.”

“Are you really gay?”

The entire atmosphere of the room changes. The corners of Dave’s mouth turn up.

“Bi. Been using  _ gay _ and  _ bi _ interchangeably, but… yeah, I’m bisexual.”

“Oh!” That makes surprising sense. “So you do like girls.”

“Yeah, why?”

“I just….” Oh boy, how do you explain this? You train your eyes on the movie, not willing to look at him. “Apparently I dated Davesprite in John’s alternate timeline.”

“Holy shit,” says Dave.

“Yeah, I was pretty surprised too!”

“Wild.”

“I know! But don’t worry, I don’t like you like that anymore.” Dave’s eyebrows rise, and you realize what you just said. Dammit.

“You liked me before?”

“Uh… a little!”

“No wonder we dated. Er. You dated him. I kinda liked you too.”

You giggle nervously. “Wow!”

“Too bad nothing happened with that. We could’ve been a great couple. Spacetime, you know. Fabric of the universe.”

You get a feeling he’s kidding, but you still feel your cheeks get a little red. “According to John, it didn’t go well with me and Davesprite.”

“That’s cause he’s Davesprite. He’s got issues.”

“You’ve got issues too!”

“Fair.”

“You said you like someone else, though, right?”

There’s a pause. Dave’s beginning to blush too. “Uh. Yeah. Karkat.”

Oh. Yeah, you can see that. They hang out a ton, and these days Karkat’s a lot more likeable (hell, you’ve even had a lot of fun discussing quadrants and playing Skyrim with him), so… Dave’s crush doesn’t surprise you all that much.  But you do feel a pang of disappointment on John’s behalf.

“What about John?”

“What about him?”

“He’s… he’s cool!”

Dave laughs. “You still think I’m into John?”

“It’s not an unreasonable assumption!”

“Fine. I mean, maybe I had a thing for him a while ago. I dunno. But he’s literally the straightest person I know.”

You stay pointedly silent.

The rest of the movie goes by without much commentary. Dave’s obviously not paying a lot of attention. It’s fine, you figure, that Dave wasn’t all that into Forbidden Planet. At least you got to spend some quality time with him.

Shortly after the end, there’s a knock at the door. It’s John, with Karkat in tow. Karkat looks surprisingly calm—for once his perpetual grimace has melted into something more neutral, and he’s smiling a bit.

“Ready to go?” asks John. His eyes go to Dave for a second, but quickly focus back on you. “How was the movie?”

“Good,” you say automatically.

“Kinda boring,” is Dave’s answer. He glances at you, then adds, “Uh, but it was cool to hang out with Jade.”

“You can come to one of our movie nights!” cries John.

You have no intention of doing so, but you just shrug and say, “Maybe.”

Then John’s hand is in yours, and the two of you are engulfed in bright blue light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is the longest chapter so far, i think!
> 
> part of it is inspired by this conversation: https://www.homestuck.com/story/6385
> 
> edit: i just realized john would say windbreaker like wind breaker and that just makes the whole thing even more funny


	14. even egbert wants a piece of me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yet another important chapter named after a lyric from karkalicious. it probably won't be the last tbh :/
> 
> this one was hard to write but i'm pretty proud of it!!
> 
> note about updates: i'm going on yet another trip this weekend, so the next chapter's going to be on monday or so.

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

EB: hey karkat!  
EB: i’m feeling REALLY happy right now. i just wanted to share that :D  
CG: OKAY?  
CG: I’M GLAD YOU’RE FEELING GOOD, BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO SHARE WITH ME EVERY SINGLE EMOTION THAT CROSSES YOUR THINK PAN.  
EB: hehe ok!  
CG: WHAT ARE YOU SO HAPPY ABOUT?  
EB: i was looking through my house for movies we could watch...  
EB: and it turns out i own BOTH madagascar films!!  
EB: i am so happy, dave is going to flip his shit when i tell him.  
EB: i wonder if he’s seen the second one...  
CG: I’M GUESSING THEY AREN’T ROMCOMS.  
EB: no, they are animated kids’ movies about animals who escape from a zoo and then go to africa.  
EB: ben stiller voices the main character! dave LOVES ben stiller.  
CG: GOTTA BE HONEST WITH YOU JOHN, THAT’S A FUCKING WEIRD PLOT.  
CG: NOT TO MENTION THAT HUMAN “ZOOS” BEAR AN UNCOMFORTABLE RESEMBLANCE TO LUSUS JAILS.  
EB: yeah, but it’s good! i can’t wait to show it to you.  
EB: the first one is better than the second, but both are good in my opinion.  
EB: hey, we should also watch night at the museum. that has ben stiller AND paleontology... if dave hasn’t seen that movie at least five times, i will eat my entire hood.  
EB: it’s very funny and has lots of iconic characters!  
EB: i love movies so much, karkat.  
CG: I HAD NO IDEA.  
CG: I JUST ASKED DAVE HOW MANY TIMES HE’S SEEN THAT PALEONTOLOGY MOVIE. HE SAYS ABOUT FOUR TIMES.  
CG: GUESS YOU HAVE TO EAT YOUR HOOD NOW, JOHN.  
EB: oh nooooo  
CG: FUCK, NOW HE’S GOING ON ABOUT NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM.  
EB: hehe, we should totally see that after madagascar!  
EB: tonight? or maybe tomorrow?  
CG: WHY NOT TONIGHT? YOU’RE HERE.  
EB: awww, you just want to see me again as soon as possible!  
CG: SHUT UP.  
EB: i’m hanging out with rose, but i will come find you later!  
EB: <> !!  
CG: OH  
CG: <>  
EB: <>>>>  
EB: wait, no, that looks weird.  
EB: how about a totally platonic <3  
CG: JOHN WE ARE LITERALLY DATING.  
EB: skdjhfgsdjhs???  
EB: oh, uh...  
EB: i guess we are!  
EB: man, that feels so weird to say.  
CG: NOTHING YOU SAY TO ME WILL EVER BE PLATONIC AGAIN. I HOPE YOU REALIZE THAT.  
EB: haha, i guess so...  
EB: um...  
EB: what do you want to do later?  
CG: MAYBE TALK SOME MORE?  
CG: YOU CAN EXPLAIN THE WHOLE DAVESPRITE THING, MAYBE. I STILL DON’T COMPLETELY GET WHO HE IS.  
EB: ok, sounds good to me! 

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

 

*

Your name is John Egbert, and you have to admit, having a moirail is pretty sweet. It’s nice to have someone who’ll patiently sit through all your venting (and you thought Karkat wasn’t a patient person!), even if it’s late at night, and offer sympathy and solutions. It’s still blowing your mind that Karkat _does_ care; he cares deeper than he shows, and sometimes you can even see your own pain reflected on his face. It’s weird, because it feels like a friendship, an especially strong one—but there’s still that element of something _else._ You have a bond with Karkat that you don’t have with someone like Rose, and you’d consider her an even closer friend. Neither relationship is better than the other. They’re just different.

You tell the story behind Davesprite, and also use your time together to explain some of the alternate timeline stuff that you never really had a chance to go over with Karkat. He’s intrigued. You wish you knew more about what happened on the meteor then, but alas, you didn’t get that much time to talk with any of your meteor friends before everything went to shit. Nevertheless, Karkat listens to your entire explanation, with minimal interruptions. It’s kind of amazing, actually. You suppose this is what he means when he says moirails _pacify_ each other.

This time, you don’t do any cuddling; you stay out of each others’ space for the most part. That’s fine with you, but at the same time, you have the urge to reach out and take his hand, and feel its warm, leathery texture against your palm.

*

That night, you bring over the Madagascar movies and wait in the lounge for your friends to show up.

Karkat arrives minutes after you text him; he must’ve been ready. He sits on your right, leaving space for Dave next to him. He fidgets a bit, glancing at you, then the floor, then his computer, and so on and so forth.

“When’s he gonna get here?” you ask after a minute or two of waiting in silence.

“Any day now.” Karkat pulls out his phone—you recognize the signature red text covering the screen immediately. “Says he’s running late. Five minutes.”

“Should we set it up?”

“Sure.”

You pass the first DVD to Karkat. His eyebrows shoot up when he sees the image on the front, but offers no commentary as he boots up his computer and slides the disk in. Once the menu screen has loaded, he makes a face.

“Is this a furry movie or some shit?”

“What?? No, no, it’s like… don’t you have movies about talking animals on Alternia?”

“Nothing this mainstream.”

You suppose it has something to do with the fact that trolls are literally raised by huge white animals. Maybe that gives animals the same entertainment appeal as like, parents? You have no idea.

“So,” you begin after a moment, (because the silence isn’t exactly uncomfortable, you’d just rather fill it), “what were you saying about piles the other day?”

“Piles?”

“Yeah, piles.”

“John. You can’t just say that. Do you expect me to remember every single thing I’ve ever said to you? I hope the fuck not. Piles? What about piles? A pile of clothes? Books? Pillows? ...Oh.”

You grin at him. “You got there eventually!”

“Yeah, well, fuck you. So. Moirail piles.”

“Moirail piles,” you agree.

“It’s just… a thing. No idea why. Moirails just like to curl up in piles of shit and have feelings jams.”

“Not literal shit—?”

“What do you think, assface!”

“Could we try it sometime? With pillows or something,” you add, before Karkat can make a snide comment about cuddling in a heap of crap.

“Yeah, yeah, of course.”

Karkat’s phone pings. He checks the messages, and his brow furrows.

“Dave’s gonna be later than expected. There’s a… load gaper? And a leak? And—oh, gross, no, you don’t want to hear about this, never mind. Unless you want to make an actual, legitimate shit pile to bathe your filthy ass in. He’ll be like ten minutes. Maybe twenty. He says don’t start the movie without him.”

“Oh. Okay.”

“What do you want to do in the meantime?”

“Can I hold your hand?”

You don’t realize you just said that aloud until you notice Karkat looking at you with a strange expression. “Uh… sure?”

He offers you his hand, fingers spread like he’s not sure what you’re going to do with it, and you take it, suddenly aware of how sweaty your palm is. His is dry and warm, and you squeeze it gently.

“It’s a human thing,” you tell him.

“Oh. Neat.” Pause. “I like it.”

“Yeah, me too.”

Karkat scoots closer to you, leaning against your side, and there’s your heart quickening again in a way that it really shouldn’t be doing.

“And cuddling is a moirail thing too?”

“More or less.”

You put your head on his shoulder. “I like that too.”

The two of you stay like that for a minute, fingers interlaced, watching the menu screen of Madagascar but not really seeing it. You can hear Karkat’s heartbeat as well, rapid but steady. It’s surprisingly intimate. You haven’t gotten used to it at all—being this close to someone. Or the itching feeling that you want to get closer—press up against him until you’ve melted into each other.

Oh fuck, you want to kiss him. There is absolutely nothing you would rather do right now, and you kind of hate yourself for it. You tell yourself it’s just because you owe him a proper kiss—one that isn’t too quick, or too forced—but that would only be part of it. Right now you feel about Karkat exactly how you feel about Dave, only in this moment it’s overwhelmingly strong.

“Hey,” you whisper.

“Yeah?”

“We were thinking of, uh… testing the boundaries of pale romance, right?”

“That… is something we discussed.”

“Would you be okay with that?”

He shifts a little beside you. “I… okay, on the one hand, there are ways moirallegiance is supposed to be done. It’s got rules. It’s complicated. But on the other, you’re literally an alien, and I’m a pan-quadrant freak, so I say fuck the rules. It’s our relationship, and we’re the only ones who get to define it.”

Man, _relationship_ is such a strong word. The butterflies in your stomach flap their wings harder. You swallow, lifting your head off his shoulder. “Cool. Yeah, I agree, that sounds good.”

Karkat looks at you, and his intensely yellow eyes draw you in; you can’t look away. “What do you want to do?”

You’re not ready to say it yet, so you skirt around the actual answer. “Um… I think we should just have a conversation about limits and stuff. Like, what’s okay, and what’s out of bounds, and that sort of stuff.”

“Yeah. Good.”

You wait for him to say more, but he doesn’t, so you start, throat dry. “So, uh, cuddling and hand-holding. Those are cool.”

“Yeah.” He holds up your interlaced fingers. “And shooshpapping, of course.”

“What?”

“Troll thing. Like, uh….” Karkat lifts his other hand and presses it firmly against your cheek. It doesn’t relax you as much as it seems to do for him, but the contact still sends a rush though you. You nod.

“And shooshing is like, helping you calm down.”

“Yeah.”

“What about sleeping together? Not sex,” you clarify hurriedly before Karkat can raise an eyebrow. “I definitely don’t want to have sex with you! But just sharing a bed. I think that’s a human romance thing.”

“Is it??” Karkat seems a little more shocked about this than you’d expect.

“I think?”

“Wow.”

“So, is that something you’d like to do? It could be nice.”

He smiles, and your heart leaps. “Yeah, definitely.”

“And. Uh.” You force yourself to not stare at his lips while you say this. “What about kissing?”

Karkat’s eyes widen. “What about it?”

“I… kinda want to kiss you.” _Really_ want to kiss you.

He opens his mouth, closes it. You suddenly notice he has one arm around your shoulders. When did that get there?

“...Really?” breathes Karkat finally.

“Yeah. Crazy, right?” You attempt a nervous giggle.

“Are you sure?”

“Do you _not_ want to?”

“No—I—but last time—”

“Dude! Last time was ages ago! And this time, I’m asking you! Consent is important, right?”

“Yeah. Yeah. But—”

“Karkat, I’m one hundred percent serious about this. Do you want to kiss me or not?”

He blinks, then his face splits into a small grin. “Yes. I absolutely do.”

“Like, right now?”

“Sure.” He blushes. “I mean, fuck yes. If that’s what you want to do.”

Oh man. You’re actually doing this, aren’t you. You’re making this happen. You drop Karkat’s hand and put your arms around his neck, pulling him closer but not quite bridging the distance between you. You hesitate.

“John?”

“Sorry, sorry.”

“No, take your time.”

You take a deep breath, close your eyes, and press your lips against his. You feel his arms tighten around you, protective, as if this is your entire world—just you and Karkat on the couch with the lights dimmed. And it’s really, really nice. It’s short and sweet and gentle and more than a little awkward, but that’s to be expected from a proper first kiss.

You pull away because your head is starting to spin.

“Holy fuck,” says Karkat, putting into words your exact sentiments.

A million thoughts rush through your head. The only one you act on is _I want to do that again._ This time it’s way more passionate. You kiss him and kiss him like you never want to stop. Are you going to regret this later? Probably. But it feels really fucking good right now, and who gives a damn about the follow-up sexuality crisis you’re likely going to have tomorrow. You lean back against the arm of the couch, and Karkat follows you—you can feel the entire length of his body against yours. You can no longer tell which of the heartbeats is yours. He’s so close, and so warm—your fingers tangled in his soft hair, his hands clutching your shirt, your legs intertwined—his Breath on your face and your Blood pumping rapidly through your chest—

It’s whatever-the-fuck o’clock at night, and you, John Egbert, a raging homosexual, are making out on the couch with Karkat Vantas, who is not only an alien but also a boy. If not for every single one of your senses telling you otherwise, you wouldn’t believe it was actually happening.

You’re so caught up with it that you don’t even hear the footsteps outside, or the door sliding open. But you do hear Dave’s cry of _“What the fuck??”_

Oh, _shit._

Before you can even begin to react, Karkat springs off you, but only succeeds in pulling both of you onto the floor. You quickly give up struggling against the tangle of limbs and simply lay there, face red as Dave’s cape, waiting for your death. Yes, you are absolutely going to die, right now, on the spot. And your death is going to be just, because your best friend (and highkey crush), who you had momentarily forgotten about, just caught you kissing _his_ crush while you were supposed to be waiting for him, and if that’s not a just death then you don’t know what is.

Karkat scrambles to his feet. His face is scarlet—no, not dark grey, bright fucking red, because apparently his current embarrassment outweighs his uncanny ability to conceal his blood color. Dave looks at you, still on the floor, then up at him, then back to you. His mouth is slightly open.

“Sorry,” you whisper. What else can you say?

For once, Dave is actually speechless. He just stares at you and Karkat. You stagger to your feet.

“So, uh,” he says, after a good ten seconds of supreme awkwardness, “are we still watching Madagascar?”

You try to exchange a glance with Karkat, but he won’t look at you. His eyes are trained on his shoes. You have the sudden overwhelming urge to get the hell out of there. If either one of them says anything at all, you’re probably going to burst into tears, and that would be an instant exponential increase in the already infinite embarrassment you were feeling.

“Be right back,” you cry, duck past Dave, and abscond, with no intention of returning. Wind picks up around you, almost unconsciously.

“John!” yells Karkat, but you’ve already dissolved into the air.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the cliffhanger lmao... see yall monday!


	15. john: deal with the consequences (pt 1)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, remember when i said chapter 13 was the longest chapter so far?? this one was so long i had to split it into 2 parts (part 2 is way shorter), and part 1 by itself is already way longer than any other chapter skjfhsdgh
> 
> anyway, hope this makes up for the long wait! this chapter was super fun to write; i'd actually been looking forward to it for a while. (emotional conversations are my favorite)

You return to your tangible form just outside a room you think is Terezi’s. Jade spends a lot of time in here, right? Maybe this is where you’ll find her? Your head is swimming, and you can’t tell if it’s from staying in your wind-form too long, or, more likely, from the jumble of emotions clawing at your brain. You haven’t yet come down from the high of making out with Karkat, but that feeling is tangled with a multitude of others, including terror, embarrassment, shame, and just sheer panic.

You throw open the door to Terezi’s room—and freeze.

Jade is not there. Vriska  _ is _ there, however, and she currently has her hands wrapped around Terezi’s waist and is in the middle of passionately kissing her. They’re sitting on the bed, their backs to you, but they jump away from each other and whip around when they hear you enter. You’re reminded of when you dared Vriska to kiss Terezi during Truth or Dare at the sleepover.

“Sorry!!” you scream, and slam the door shut. Holy shit! You thought they were moirails?? But then again, that’s what you thought about yourself and Karkat as well. And you’ve just seen how well  _ that _ went.

Oh, fuck. Karkat’s probably going to dump you, isn’t he. You can’t still be palemates after this. You’re just going to go back to avoiding each other’s eyes and tensing up whenever you’re in the same room, like you did the first time he kissed you. You were hoping not to repeat that experience—you thought your relationship had grown since then—but—but—

You arrive at the common room, the spring in your step provided by your wind powers. Jade likes to hang out here, especially when she’s with Rose… maybe this is where she is? _ Go go go,  _ whispers your panic-addled brain. Quickly!

You burst in and yell “Jade!!”

Jade, Rose, and Kanaya look up from their card game to stare at you. Rose frowns.

“John? Are you okay?”

“I’m—fine. I just need to take Jade back. Sorry for the short notice! But party time’s over now. Gotta go!”

“You’re bleeding,” says Rose.

“What??”

“Your lip.”

You swipe the back of your hand across your mouth. Sure enough, a streak of red comes with it. Haha, shit. That’s what you get when your makeout partner has sharp teeth. Accidents happen.

Jade stands, brow furrowed. “Seriously, John, what’s up?”

“Some… stuff. Happened. And now I’d like to leave!”

“I thought your movie night started a few minutes ago?”

“Let’s just go,” you plead, and your expression must look as frazzled as you feel, because Jade sighs and walks over to you, sticking out her hand.

“All right,” she says.

You grab her hand and close your eyes, trying to focus. Your palm is still sweaty as hell. The ship, you want to go back to the ship, right now, please. But your mind keeps replaying the sensation of Karkat’s lips, his hands, his soft, thick hair, his chest pressing down against yours, and that’s absolutely not something you should be thinking about when you’re trying to zap back—

There’s a flash of light beyond your tight eyelids, and when you open them, you are most certainly not on the ship. You’re on an island of pure black, craggly rock, surrounded by similar rocks in a churning, scarlet sea. It looks like an ocean of blood. The sky is a deep red, and the few clouds are an unnatural purple.

“What the hell??” cries Jade.

You turn around. On one of the islands behind you is a huge structure that you might have called a house if it looked like any house you’d ever seen. It’s dark grey and extraordinarily shaped, with cubes and spires jutting out at angles that the framework of the building shouldn’t be able to support. It is covered, top to bottom, in what you think are splashes of multicolored paint. A crude drawing adorns the outside of one of the higher rooms, which is labelled, in green text, “K4RK4T.”

Oh! You know where you are. Karkat told you about his planet in the Medium, the Land of Pulse and Haze. And this must be his house—er, hive. You know exactly why your powers brought you here, and you don’t like it at all.

“Sorry!” you tell Jade, who’s still ogling the house. “Um… this happens sometimes. I’ll just take us back, one second…”

You try to clear your thoughts. Breathe in, breathe out. Don’t think about Karkat. Or about Dave, for that matter. What’s he even going to do? He’s going to be mad, isn’t he. There’s no way he isn’t going to be really fucking pissed. Yeah, after pulling shit like this, there’s no way you’re ever gonna have a chance with him.

“John?”

“I’m trying, hold on…”

Back to the ship. The big yellow one where you live with Jade and a bunch of consorts and carapacians. Oh, and Davesprite, of course.

Another flash, and you can feel the energy draining out of you as the light fades. You drop Jade’s hand and stagger over to a table, yellow and familiar. Two multi-person zaps in the span of a minute has not been kind on your body; you’re basically running on adrenaline exclusively at this point. Your vision blurs.

Jade helps you to your room. You’re spiralling; you can’t form a single coherent thought. She asks you if you’re okay, what happened, did something go wrong with Dave and Karkat, but you don’t really hear her as you stumble through the hallways of the ship.

When you get to your room, you don’t even bother to take off your shoes or glasses; you just collapse face-first onto your bed. You’re asleep before Jade can wish you goodnight.

*

As you wake up, you have a good ten seconds of ignorant bliss before the events of last night come crashing down to suffocate you once more. After that, you’re awake enough to notice a gentle hand on your shoulder.

“Jade?” you croak.

“Hey,” she whispers, and you roll over to peer up at her. Your glasses are askew. “You slept twelve hours again!”

“And I thought I was getting used to the jumps,” you mutter.

“Um.” Jade’s mouth is a flat line; she looks a little apologetic. “When you’re ready… do you think you could take me back to the meteor?”

“What?”

“I… really want to finish up my conversation with Rose and Kanaya.”

“Can’t you do that tomorrow?”

“Why not today?”

“Because I can’t do it today!” you cry.

“It’s okay! You can sleep for a little more, no need to rush—”

“No! You don’t get it! I can’t take over more than one person right now.”

“Maybe you’ll feel up to it later?”

You run your hands down your face, rubbing your sleep-encrusted eyes. “Why does everyone take my powers for granted?? I just can’t do it, okay? Not today!”

Jade’s face falls, but she nods. “Okay. I’m sorry. I won’t bother you about it.”

*

At first you think the uncomfortable feeling in your stomach is just some weird side effect of excessive coffee consumption, but you pretty quickly realize it’s leftover anxiety from yesterday. You’ve tried not to think about Karkat or Dave since you woke up, but that’s impossible, of course. What are they doing now? Did they watch your movie? Did Karkat explain everything? Shit, does Dave hate you now? Do they both? Do they blame you from getting out of there as fast as possible and refusing to face the consequences of getting too red with your palemate?

The feeling claws at your chest for a good three hours before you decide you need to go back to the meteor. Just you. You need to sort this shit out, in some way, shape, or form, and that’s not gonna happen if you’re recuperating on the ship.

You don’t tell Jade, but you leave a note for her just before you zap over.

You appear in an empty corridor that you’re pretty sure will stay that way—it isn’t near anyone’s room, or Can Town, or anywhere else there might be people.

Immediately, your phone buzzes. Texts from last night. Your heart begins to hammer when you see the wall of red text.

 

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  ectoBiologist [EB]

TG: john egbert i am fucking pissed  
TG: id add some karkat style insults but thatd just make me look stupid and insincere  
TG: this shits dead fuckin serious dawg  
TG: wish i could whip up some of those creative burns of his on command but nah  
TG: all i can do is spit sick fires  
TG: wish i could fuse with him like steven goddamn universe  
TG: turn into one guy who could both rap and rant and insult people  
TG: can you imagine that though  
TG: maybe karkats anger and my legendary chillness would cancel out  
TG: hot and chill like lukewarm apple juice  
TG: wow that was such a shitty simile forget i said that  
TG: what was i talking about anyway  
TG: oh yeah speaking of karkat  
TG: what the fuck dude  
TG: first of all i cannot believe youre gay like this shit is literally not computing for me  
TG: youve taken my brain circuits and grilled them over a fire of pure gay energy  
TG: how long have you known  
TG: god i guess it makes sense though  
TG: you were only ever gonna be extremely straight or outrageously homosexual theres no in between there  
TG: second of all you had so many opportunities to tell me you liked karkat  
TG: like is it so goddamn hard to just shoot me a text  
TG: hey dave yknow that boy you like well i like him too  
TG: coulda figured it out then but no  
TG: any of the times ive told you about my crush on karkat you couldve said  
TG: (no wait that was one time)  
TG: instead of being like  
TG: maybe you should just wait it out  
TG: like that isnt so transparent now  
TG: guess you always had the edge though since karkat liked you back  
TG: i probably wouldve let you have him tbh hes liked you for awhile right and only known me well for what three or four months  
TG: actually he only got to know you over that one day right  
TG: but you guys talked so much  
TG: you gotta admit its just gross  
TG: like knowing ive got a big fuckin crush on someone and then going haha while were waiting for dave lets have a full on makeout sesh on the couch  
TG: if i may repeat myself what the genuine fuck  
TG: im gonna talk about it with karkat but that doesnt mean youre off the hook mister  
TG: youre practically married to that hook  
TG: youre probably on the ship so youll see these in a day or two lets talk more then

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

TG: right i talked with karkat  
TG: i dont like to think of myself as an angry person but john i am here to tell you that you fucked up  
TG: how do i even start  
TG: palemance is serious shit dude  
TG: i kind of want to tell you that entering a moirallegiance with karkat is a stupid idea because you know how seriously he takes his quadrants and besides its a troll thing and youre an alien who cant possibly understand but  
TG: thats so hypocritical of me  
TG: ive been doing pale shit with karkat sometimes we just never called it that  
TG: ok looking back on what i just typed that was really dumb and also kind of insulting  
TG: like if you and karkat want to be moirails i trust your judgement and karkats ability to guide you through it and help you be the best moirail you can be  
TG: two questions though  
TG: one is that pale is not a kissing quadrant  
TG: pales not pails my dude  
TG: karkat said you were just experimenting and messing with the boundaries of quadrants but  
TG: wait scratch that  
TG: scratch that shit hard enough to reset the universe  
TG: god im just being a fuckin hypocrite today  
TG: if i was in a relationship with karkat id want to test the boundaries too  
TG: quadrants wouldnt apply so much because im human  
TG: and so are you  
TG: so i shouldnt shit on you for this  
TG: really i dont have any good arguments for why you apparently fucked up so hard  
TG: i guess what im sayin is  
TG: im just really fuckin jealous  
TG: thats it thats the problem and its a me problem not a you problem  
TG: none of these things are flaws in your relationship im just  
TG: man  
TG: look heres the thing  
TG: and imma keep coming back to this  
TG: you couldve told me  
TG: like didnt you ever think hey daves our great bro maybe we should tell him were in a palemance  
TG: i know i shouldnt really but im feeling pretty betrayed  
TG: youre supposed to be my friend john egbert couldnt you just think about my feelings too  
TG: oh fuck that sounded so douchey  
TG: fuck  
TG: of course youre my friend youre my best fuckin friend in the entire universe  
TG: which isnt saying much is it because were not in a universe right now are we  
TG: were on a rock floating in paradox space  
TG: how did this happen  
TG: how bout this  
TG: youre the best friend ive ever had  
TG: god that sounds cheesy  
TG: youre my friend but sometimes you make mistakes and were gonna have to fix this mess  
TG: i dont even know what i want from you i guess i just want you to acknowledge that you made me feel bad  
TG: man yet again that sounds so shitty but i hope you get what i mean  
TG: like my feelings are there im stating my feelings as a fact  
TG: but were gonna work out this shit me and you and karkat and were gonna make it so that everyone feels better idk how but were gonna do this man where gonna make this happen  
TG: wow  
TG: im actually laughing now this is such a wild situation  
TG: shits so wild it broke out of the zoo and yeeted down to an island off the coast of africa to join its brethren  
TG: just wanna clarify that yeeted is the proper past tense of yeet  
TG: shit you probably dont even know what that means  
TG: anyway the point is its wild  
TG: best friend makes out with my crush its like something straight outta reality tv  
TG: love you john but sometimes you are such a dumbass  
TG: no homo  
TG: actually yes homo im pretty sure i used to have a big gay crush on you lmao  
TG: dont worry i dont anymore  
TG: all that gay energys bein spent on karkat  
TG: wait but now i cant have karkat can i  
TG: unless you wanna do that dating people in different quadrants thing where youre pale with him and im red with him but with two humans i feel like thatd just be a mess  
TG: haha look at me talking to myself  
TG: just like old times  
TG: ranting into pesterchum and filling someones screen with walls of red text  
TG: hope you respond this time though  
TG: yeah um im done i think seeya man

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

 

You skim Dave’s rant once as fast as you can, not really reading it fully. The negative phrases jump out at you and fix themselves in your brain— _ i am fucking pissed, you fucked up, youre supposed to be my friend, you made me feel bad. _ Then you read it through again, slower this time. By the time you’ve read it a third time, your sheer panic has cooled to simple anxiety, and you actually understand what Dave is trying to tell you.

What the hell do you say in response to all that?? Pesterchum tells you it was about a hundred messages. It’s certainly not the longest rant he’s ever sent you, but it’s the most emotionally charged. You need to say something, but your hands are shaking.

 

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

EB: oh man.  
EB: dave  
EB: i  
EB: i’m so sorry.  
EB: i feel absolutely awful about this, i’m sorry for hurting your feelings. you’re right, i should have told you about it sooner.  
EB: well...  
EB: i don’t think i could have told you sooner about my crush on karkat, because i didn’t think it was a crush until yesterday, actually.  
EB: we were going to tell you about us being moirails though!  
EB: but it’s a pretty recent development, and karkat didn’t want to tell anyone yet, which i think is fair.  
EB: i am so sorry you had to find out like this, that is not what we intended at all.  
EB: i know how you must feel! it really sucks when your crush likes someone else. i wish he could like you as well, but i don’t think that troll romance works that way.  
EB: also...  
EB: i should definitely have told you sooner that i’m gay. i’ve known that for a while, actually, and i’ve had so many opportunities to tell you. i have no idea why i never did, i guess i was just nervous about how you might react? even though i know that you are gay too.  
EB: oh yeah, you’re bi. well, they’re similar enough.  
EB: um... i know that you are probably still asleep, but please text me when you get these. i want to talk to you!

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

 

You close your chat with Dave, only to realize you have a whole bunch of messages from Karkat as well. Shit.

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

CG: JOHN, WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK ARE WE DOING.  
CG: I’M SURE YOU’VE ALREADY FIGURED THIS OUT BY NOW, BUT IN CASE YOUR THINK PAN IS EVEN MORE INCAPACITATED BY BLIND PANIC THAN MINE IS, WE FUCKED UP BIG TIME.  
CG: THIS IS WHY THE PANQUADRANT TROLLS ARE ALWAYS THE JOKE CHARACTERS IN ROMCOMS. THEY’RE TOO FUCKING GREEDY.  
CG: YOU CAN’T HAVE YOUR GRUBLOAF AND EAT IT TOO WHEN IT COMES TO QUADRANTS, AND I SHOULD’VE KNOWN THAT, BUT I GOT WAY TOO CARRIED AWAY BECAUSE I AM AN UTTER IMBECILE WITH A BULGE FOR A PAN.  
CG: I’M SORRY, JOHN.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling ectoBiologist [EB]

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

EB: karkat what’s going on?? are you ok??  
EB: i’m here now buddy, it’s gonna be okay. i hope you wake up and see this soon.  
EB: (heheh, look at my pale instincts kicking in)  
CG: OH MY GOD, THERE YOU ARE.  
EB: karkat!!!  
EB: i am so sorry for running off like that.  
CG: I DON’T BLAME YOU IN THE SLIGHTEST, THAT WAS AN ABSCOND-WORTHY SITUATION IF I’VE EVER SEEN ONE.  
EB: yeah...  
EB: um, anyway, how are you?  
CG: STILL FREAKING THE FUCK OUT, BUT LESS SO THAN LAST NIGHT.  
EB: that’s good.  
EB: what does this mean though? what’s going to happen now?  
EB: oh no, are you going to break up with me???  
EB: i mean... i wouldn’t blame you if you did, but it would make me really sad :(  
CG: I  
CG: FUCK.  
CG: I KNOW WHAT THE RIGHT DECISION IS, BUT I DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO DO THAT.  
EB: what’s the right decision?  
CG: OBVIOUSLY OUR MOIRALLEGIANCE ISN’T MEANT TO BE. EVIDENCE: HOW RED WE WERE GETTING LAST NIGHT. ALL MY QUADRANT KNOWLEDGE TELLS ME THAT WE’RE NOT GOING TO WORK AS A PALE PAIR.  
CG: UNDER DIFFERENT CIRCUMSTANCES, I WOULD SUGGEST WE FLIP TO RED EXCLUSIVELY.  
CG: THAT WOULDN’T WORK EITHER, THOUGH, NOT JUST BECAUSE I DON’T WANT TO FORGO OUR FEELINGS JAMS, BUT ALSO BECAUSE IT SEEMS DAVE HAS A SERIOUS PROBLEM WITH US BEING FLUSHED, AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY.  
CG: HE MIGHT’VE JUST BEEN SHOCKED, BUT I THINK IT’S SOMETHING DEEPER THAN THAT.  
CG: MY GUESS IS THAT HE WANTS THE THREE OF US TO STAY FRIENDS, AND IF I’M IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU, THAT’LL MAKE US CLOSER WITH EACH OTHER THAN HE IS WITH US?  
CG: WITH THAT IN MIND, THE “RIGHT DECISION” IS TO, WELL. TO PUT IT IN MORE HUMAN TERMS, BREAK UP COMPLETELY.  
EB: but you don’t want to do that do you??  
CG: YOU BET YOUR PAJAMA-CLAD ASS I DON’T.  
CG: ASIDE FROM THE PART WHERE DAVE WALKED IN ON US, LAST NIGHT WAS... REALLY GREAT.  
CG: AND I DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO CHOOSE PALE OR RED. I WANT YOU IN EVERY GODDAMN QUADRANT LIKE THE QUEER FREAK I AM.  
CG: THANKS FOR THE WORD, BY THE WAY.  
CG: JEGUS. WHY CAN’T I BE NORMAL.  
EB: well...  
EB: when i was coming to terms with being gay, something that kind of helped me was realizing that all my internalized homophobia came from a society that no longer exsits.  
EB: for better or for worse, alternia is gone! and when we make our own universe, we can make sure to teach everyone that being gay and panquadrant and all that is okay!  
CG: THANKS FOR THE REASSURANCE, BUT I DON’T KNOW HOW MUCH THAT’LL HELP MY SHITTY SELF-LOATHING PAN.  
CG: FUCK, SORRY FOR DUMPING ALL THIS ON YOU.  
EB: but that’s what moirails are for!  
EB: oh wait, are we not moirails anymore?  
EB: i am not an expert, but i thought we were doing pretty well with all the feelings jams stuff.  
CG: YEAH, WE WERE.  
EB: but what are we now?  
CG: I DON’T KNOW.  
CG: I GUESS WE’RE STILL MOIRAILS? IF IT’S THE KISSING THAT FREAKED DAVE OUT, WE CAN JUST NOT DO THAT.  
EB: yeah  
EB: well...  
EB: okay, i have a potentially controversial opinion.  
EB: why do we have to tailor OUR relationship to what dave wants?  
EB: he’s our friend! why wouldn’t he be fine with it?  
EB: this is kind of embarrassing to admit, but i’ve gotta be honest, karkat... i loved kissing you last night, and i really want to do it again.  
CG: YEAH. ME TOO.  
EB: although, um...  
EB: next time - if there is a next time - can you, uh, be a little more careful with your teeth?  
EB: i got scraped a bit.  
CG: ASKLHGJSDFLKS  
CG: SORRY  
EB: it’s ok! it was worth it :)  
CG: (:B  
CG: WOW, I HAVEN’T USED THAT EMOTE IN A WHILE.  
EB: wait, why is there a b?  
CG: IT’S MY HORNS, DUNKASS.  
EB: ohhhhh  
EB: hehe, i like it! very cute.  
EB: just like you!  
CG: YOU THINK I’M CUTE??  
EB: yeah!  
EB: that is a good thing, btw.  
CG: YEAH I KNOW, I’M JUST REALLY SURPRISED FOR SOME REASON?  
CG: I GUESS I NEVER CONSIDERED THE IDEA THAT SOMEONE COULD FIND ME ATTRACTIVE.  
CG: SEEMS LIKE A GOOD TIME TO TELL YOU YOU’RE REALLY FUCKING CUTE TOO.  
CG: LIKE, YOUR HAIR? HOW IT SWOOPS UP LIKE THAT? I REALLY LIKE THAT.  
CG: AND I LOVE THE WAY YOU SMILE.  
CG: GOD, THAT WAS SO CLICHE, PLEASE FORGET I SAID ANYTHING.  
EB: awwww karkat you’re making me blush!  
EB: you just love me so much.  
CG: YEAH, I DO.  
EB: wait, really??  
EB: that was kind of a joke, i was not expecting you take it at face value.  
EB: uh...  
EB: thanks?  
CG: ADKSJHSFHSDFSGFLSDJH JOHN YOU ABSOLUTE IGNORAMUS.  
EB: sorry, i am just feeling really awkward right now.  
CG: ME TOO.  
EB: it just seems to me that “love” is a pretty strong word? i am not doubting the sincerity of your feelings at all, but you haven’t even known me for a year yet. it seems a little early to call it true love.  
CG: FUCK, FORGET I SAID THAT TOO.  
EB: no, it’s okay!  
EB: now that i think about it, love can apply to all sorts of different kinds of relationships!  
EB: i love you too karkat :D  
CG: ...  
CG: CAN WE TURN THE CONVERSATION TO A LESS MUSHY TOPIC BEFORE I START TEARING UP.  
EB: oh my god, are you really going to cry over that?  
CG: YES, BECAUSE I AM UNUSED TO SINCERE AFFECTION AND I AM ALSO VERY SENSITIVE.  
EB: awww  
EB: i want to go over to wherever you are and give you a hug!  
EB: but that might just devolve into another makeout session, which i believe we’re trying to avoid.  
CG: YEAH  
CG: WAIT, WE NEVER FIGURED OUT IF WE’RE STILL MOIRAILS.  
EB: um...  
EB: i have no idea.  
EB: we will have to talk more and also talk with dave.  
EB: but for now, maybe we should try to be a little more pale with each other.  
CG: SURE.  
EB: ok, glad we have that sorted out.  
EB: hey, i have a question on a different topic.  
EB: what happened with you and dave after i left last night?  
CG: OH  
CG: GONNA BE HONEST, IT WAS A FUCKING DISASTER.  
EB: oh no!  
CG: WE WATCHED THE MOVIE FOR ABOUT FIVE MINUTES IN DEAD SILENCE.  
CG: THEN DAVE TOOK OUT HIS PHONE AND STARTED TEXTING SOMEONE. I THINK IT MIGHT’VE BEEN YOU?  
EB: oh yeah, i got his messages.  
CG: THEN HE ASKED ME SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF “JUST WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH YOU AND JOHN”  
CG: SO I BRIEFLY EXPLAINED OUR MOIRALLEGIANCE AND THAT WE WANTED TO TEST THE BOUNDARIES  
CG: AND HE WAS LIKE “OKAY” AND GOT OUT HIS PHONE AGAIN AND KEPT TEXTING FOR LIKE TEN WHOLE MINUTES  
CG: THAT’S WHEN I TEXTED YOU.  
CG: AND AFTER HE WAS DONE, WE WATCHED THE MOVIE FOR LIKE FIVE MORE MINUTES IN THE SAME EXCRUCIATINGLY AWKWARD SILENCE.  
CG: THEN I ASKED IF HE WANTED TO FINISH IT SOME OTHER TIME, AND HE SAID SURE, AND THAT’S WHEN I GOT THE FUCK OUT OF THERE.  
CG: I DON’T REMEMBER JACK SHIT ABOUT THE MOVIE, I WASN’T REALLY PAYING ATTENTION.  
EB: well, i’m glad you decided to save it for another time!  
EB: i was worried i was missing out.  
CG: TRUST ME, YOU DID NOT MISS OUT ON ANYTHING.  
CG: MAN. I HOPE DAVE’S OK.  
CG: WE HAVEN’T TALKED AT ALL SINCE LAST NIGHT.  
CG: WHAT DID HE SAY TO YOU?  
EB: um, a lot of stuff. he sent me over a hundred messages!  
CG: OH SHIT.  
EB: basically, he was mad at me, and he rambled a lot.  
EB: he thought it was kind of weird that we were moirails, but then he concluded that it was ok for us to do what we wanted.  
EB: um... he also said some stuff about us still being friends, and i kind of got from it that he wasn’t REALLY mad at me. just annoyed.  
CG: DID HE SAY WHY HE WAS MAD?  
EB: uh, not really.  
CG: WEIRD.  
EB: well, he did say that he didn’t think i could handle a moirallegiance, but then he decided that was stupid and that i definitely could.  
CG: IS HE MAD AT ME TOO?  
EB: i don’t know, probably not as much.  
CG: WEIRD.  
CG: FUCK. EITHER WAY, THIS KILLS ANY CHANCE I MIGHT’VE HAD WITH HIM.  
EB: wait what??  
CG: YOU KNOW I LIKE HIM TOO, RIGHT?  
EB: um, i’d forgotten.  
CG: IT DOESN’T EVEN MATTER, THOUGH. I WAS ALWAYS GOING TO HAVE TO CHOOSE BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU, AND I GUESS I CHOSE YOU.  
EB: do you regret it?  
CG: ...  
CG: NO, OF COURSE NOT. YOU’RE GREAT.  
CG: I MEAN, I REALLY LIKE YOU, AND I LIKE BEING YOUR MOIRAIL OR BOYFRIEND OR WHATEVER THE FUCK WE ARE.  
CG: I JUST HAVE FUCKY PANQUADRANT FEELINGS FOR DAVE TOO.  
CG: I WOULD SAY I HOPE THAT’S OK WITH YOU, BUT IT’S NOT SOMETHING I CAN CHANGE.  
CG: BESIDES, DAVE’S STRAIGHT. IT’S NOT LIKE HE’S GOING TO LIKE ME BACK.  
EB: uh, right.  
EB: it’s totally ok that you like dave too! he is a very likeable person.  
EB: man, this whole thing is really complicated!  
EB: oh shit, speaking of dave, he just responded to me!!  
EB: sorry, gtg!  
CG: OH, BYE JOHN  
CG: GOOD LUCK.

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a couple Fun Facts about dave’s rant:  
> \- it’s approximately 1000 words long  
> \- i handwrote the first draft of it in my notebook at about 1 am two weeks ago (at that point i wasn’t even up to chapter 10… i just had a really strong idea of what was going to happen! also, late at night is the best time to write pesterlogs and especially long stream-of-consciousness rants)


	16. john: deal with the consequences (pt 2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a short chapter, since the last one was so long!
> 
> also, this has 100 kudos now??? wild!! thank you all for reading!

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  ectoBiologist [EB]

TG: yo  
EB: dave!!!  
TG: i literally just woke up  
TG: wow i sure spewed a bunch of shit at you last night  
TG: thanks for the apology but come to think of it its pretty fucked up that id expect an apology for something like that  
TG: its none of my business what you do with your bf or whatever he is  
EB: yeah, but i didn’t take your feelings into consideration!  
TG: i suppose not but like  
TG: im not mad about it anymore  
TG: i wasnt even mad in the first place just sorta mildly pissed  
TG: hella surprised though  
EB: ok, i’m glad about that.  
TG: yeah glad we got that out of the way  
TG: were still friends i dont hate you etc etc  
TG: now for the important question  
TG: howd you like kissing karkat  
EB: ...  
EB: it was good.  
TG: it was good huh  
TG: is that it  
TG: cmon john i need the juicy details  
TG: gimme the deets  
EB: juicy???  
TG: yeah man thats what you say  
TG: now spill the beans  
EB: um, i don’t know what i should be telling you.  
TG: well first of all what does he taste like  
EB: that’s a really weird question dave!!  
TG: no it isnt  
TG: like does he have some sort of weird alien flavor  
TG: is his mouth really sweet or something  
EB: no??  
EB: it’s just kind of normal.  
EB: ok, his tongue and stuff are a little more... tough? firm? than i would expect. i think it’s so that he doesn’t cut himself on his sharp teeth all the time.  
TG: so you know what his tongue feels like huh  
EB: dave stop it!!!!  
TG: ok ok sorry  
TG: just tell me is he good at kissing  
EB: i think??  
EB: i don’t know what the criteria are for being good at kissing, since i have only really kissed one person.  
EB: it was nice though, i liked it.  
TG: youve kissed me  
EB: yeah, but that doesn’t count.  
TG: really  
TG: im insulted  
TG: i put my all into that kiss john egbert i made it as romantic and as awkward as possible and now youre saying it doesnt count  
EB: wait really?  
TG: no  
TG: wait now i need to know  
TG: is karkat better at kissing than i am  
EB: i don’t know!  
EB: with you it was awkward and neither of us were really into it so i don’t think i can judge you on your kissing ability from that one time.  
EB: it wasn’t bad though.  
TG: would you do it again  
EB: yes  
EB: um!  
EB: i mean,  
EB: hm.  
EB: like, if we played truth or dare again, i wouldn’t be opposed to it?  
TG: really cuz i was about to invite you over for some makeouts so you can tell me if im better than karkat  
EB: whoa what????  
TG: dude im kidding  
TG: i dont care that much  
TG: i mean i literally dont care at all i was just tryin to make you flustered  
EB: well, you’ve certainly succeeded there!  
TG: i can tell  
TG: actually do you want to come over to my room anyway  
EB: for makeouts??  
TG: no jeez  
TG: are you really that eager to kiss me john  
TG: i know im just drop dead gorgeous but id rather make out with your bf  
TG: wow that sounds hella weird  
EB: maybe we should stop talking about this.  
EB: uh...  
EB: i can come over if you like!  
TG: yeah i just kinda wanted to talk in person  
EB: cool, you’re in your room?  
TG: yep  
TG: seeya in five minutes egbert

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering  ectoBiologist [EB]

 

*

You’ve been in Dave’s room once or twice, and it’s exactly as messy as you remembered. Dave’s sitting on his couch with his phone, still fully clad in his god tier outfit, amidst the piles of clothes and various electronics. Unsurprisingly, there are no puppets. Your breath catches in your throat when you see him. You wish he hadn’t made all those jokes about you wanting to make out with him; now you’re just going to feel self-conscious for the rest of the time you’re here.

“Hey,” says Dave when you walk in. He clears a space for you on the couch beside him. You pause, remembering the last time you saw him in person—but push that thought out of your mind and sit next to him, forcing a smile.

“So,” he says. “Karkat, huh.”

“Karkat,” you agree.

“How’d you get together?”

That was… not what you were expecting him to ask. “Uh… it’s kind of a long story.”

“We’ve got time. Hell, with me around, we’ve always got time.”

“Well, uh… it started way back when I first came to the—no, actually, it started way before that.”

“He had that hate-crush on you, right?”

“Yeah, but then it turned into a normal crush. So when I first turned up on the meteor, I accidentally appeared right in front of him, and we talked a bit, and he, uh. He kissed me.”

“Wild. So I guess I wasn’t your first kiss.”

You try and fail to keep yourself from blushing. You’re glad Dave couldn’t see you during your previous conversation; you were red all over. “Yeah, I guess not.”

“Too bad.”

“Did you… want to be my first kiss?”

“I mean, it was mine. If Truth or Dare kisses count for anything. Just gonna say that kissing someone back to life doesn’t count.”

“So it only counts if both parties are alive.” Man, were you really Dave’s first kiss? That’s… kind of amazing. Was he as nervous about it as you were? You didn’t think so, but maybe you were wrong.

“Yeah. Anyway, yeah, I guess I kinda hoped it’d be as new of an experience for you as it was for me.”

“Don’t worry, it was just as awkward for me!”

“Yeah,” he says, and thankfully doesn’t elaborate. You’ve been doing an awful lot of talking about kissing, and that’s something you’d rather not do with Dave. Talking about it, that is. You would absolutely like to kiss him. But you’re not going to tell him that. Er, imply it more than you already have.

You continue your story as if there’d been no embarrassing tangent. “Then it was super awkward between us for a while. You might’ve noticed that?”

“Kinda, yeah.”

“And then we talked about it one time, and then it got less awkward. Oh, yeah, and then one time I accidentally zapped into his room while he was changing.”

Dave starts, and makes a sort of laughing-choking sound. “Holy shit.”

“Yeah, it was really embarrassing! That was before we talked, though. And then, just recently, we talked about it some more, because I wanted to tell Karkat I was gay, and also ask him what his feelings were about me, because he never really clarified that.”

“So you came out to Karkat before you came out to me.”

“Uh, yeah. Sorry.”

“It’s cool.”

“Then, uh… we had a feelings jam and became moirails. That’s pretty much the story!”

“Are you still moirails?”

“...Sorta? Is that okay with you?”

“Dude, you don’t need my permission to fill a quadrant with Karkat.”

“Yeah. Okay. But, uh… we’ll try to be more pale this time.”

“If that’s what you wanna do,” Dave says, and his tone is infuriatingly neutral.

“What are you gonna do now, though?”

“About Karkat? Try to get over him, I guess. Take your advice.” He smirks. “So that’s why you told me to wait before confessing to him.”

“Yeah,” you lie.

“Do you think I should wait some more?”

“Probably.”

“Should I even tell him? It doesn’t really matter either way, since he’s with you now.” Dave sighs, and even though he’s trying to hide it, he still sounds dejected.

You stay silent. One part of you wants to tell Dave that even though Karkat’s dating you, he likes him back. But what would happen then? Would Dave and Karkat get together? Then what would happen to your pseudo-moirallegiance? Would Karkat want to be panquadrant with him, or what? Probably—and where would that leave you?

“I don’t know,” you say finally.

“I’ll just like… try not to think about it. Maybe if Karkat dumps you he’ll hit me up.” He smiles like it’s a joke, but you feel a jolt of anxiety in your stomach as you recall your earlier conversation with Karkat.

“Maybe,” you tell him, as if it isn’t a distinct possibility.

The two of you sit in silence for a couple minutes. Thankfully, it doesn’t feel too awkward. You really want to put an arm around Dave, just to be closer to him, letting actions speak instead of words, but like hell you’re going to do that.

“Where’s Jade?” Dave asks suddenly.

“Shit! I left her on the ship.”

“Did you tell her you were coming over here?”

“Sort of? Maybe I should get back to her.” You stand too quickly. A perfect excuse to leave, even though you still want to stay and spend more time with Dave. “Nice talking to you, though.”

“Yeah,” he says, and gives you a smile that makes your heart jump.


	17. jade: consult rose, the Alpha Lesbian, for advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chapter today folks - this is the first in a long series of chapters that aren't from john's pov! though he's still important, of course. enjoy!

gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT]

GG: hey rose!!  
GG: i was wondering if you could help me, but im a little too nervous to talk in person.....  
TT: Yes?  
GG: um...  
GG: hmm  
GG: there is.. a distinct possibility that i may not be straight?  
TT: Oh my.  
TT: May I ask how you came to this conclusion?  
GG: ummmmm  
GG: ill tell you later  
GG: how did you find out you were lesbian??  
TT: If you don’t mind, I’d rather not share that - in which case, it seems we are stuck at an impasse, in which neither one of us wants to answer the question.  
TT: Perhaps one of us will feel more comfortable later in the conversation.  
TT: For now, is there any other way I could aid you in coming to terms with this aspect of your identity?  
TT: You are the third person who’s consulted me about this, and I’d like to think I’m something of an expert by now.  
GG: oh, john and dave??  
TT: Yes.  
GG: hehehe ok  
GG: oh boy, does this mean all four of us are lgbt???  
TT: I suppose it does.  
TT: I can’t say I’m surprised. The gays seem to subconsciously flock together.  
TT: Although I can’t say I was expecting you to be queer as well.  
GG: yeah me neither tbh  
GG: wow!  
GG: but, um....  
GG: i still need your help!  
GG: what is the difference between bisexual and pansexual?  
GG: i know that bi means two and pan means all, but it seems to me that would basically mean the same thing...  
TT: You do realize that there are more than two genders?  
GG: oh!!!  
GG: right, im sorry, i forgot about that for a second  
GG: does that mean that bi people arent attracted to genderless people?  
TT: Not necessarily.  
TT: Also, not all non-binary people are genderless.  
TT: Are you trying to choose between bisexual and pansexual?  
GG: yep  
TT: One aspect to consider is that pansexual people often see themselves as attracted to others regardless of gender, whereas for bisexual people, gender plays more of a factor.  
TT: Also, bisexual is a more common term.  
GG: oh! the attraction regardless of gender sounds interesting  
GG: maybe im pan then??  
TT: I should warn you that as a lesbian, I am not the best person to ask about attraction to multiple genders. Perhaps you should discuss it with Dave, who actually is bisexual.  
GG: maybe!  
GG: wait, terezi is texting me  
GG: one sec <3

gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling  gardenGnostic [GG]

GC: GOOD N3WS!  
GC: VR1SK4 1S NOW MY M4T3SPR1T >:]  
GG: omg congrats!!!!  
GG: im so happy for you terezi!!! <3333  
GC: TH4NK YOU  
GC: 1 TOOK YOUR 4DV1C3 4ND T4LK3D TO H3R 4BOUT MY F33L1NGS  
GC: 1T TURNS OUT SH3 W4S F33L1NG TH3 S4M3 W4Y!  
GC: W3 K1SS3D 4 COUPL3 N1GHTS 4GO  
GG: yay!!  
GC: BUT TH3R3S ON3 PROBL3M  
GC: 1 ST1LL H4V3 P4L3 F33L1NGS FOR H3R  
GC: 1 D1DNT T3LL H3R TH4T THOUGH >:/  
GG: well, you can be matesprits and still have feelings jams right??  
GG: were just friends and we have feelings jams all the time!  
GC: 1 WOULDNT C4LL THOS3 F33L1NGS J4MS  
GC: 4 F33L1NGS J4M 1S D1FF3R3NT TH4N JUST FR13NDS T4LK1NG 4BOUT PROBL3MS B3C4US3 1T 1MPL13S MO1R4LL3G14NC3  
GG: thats weird, it isnt like that for humans  
GG: maybe you should ask vriska if she still wants to do that?  
GC: Y3S BUT WH4T 1F SH3 DO3SNT B3C4US3 1TS 4 P4L3 TH1NG?  
GG: i still dont understand why you cant just be pale and red at the same time!  
GC: 1T DO3SNT WORK L1K3 TH4T!  
GC: TH3R3 4R3 V3RY STR1CT RUL3S 4BOUT QU4DR4NTS J4D3  
GC: FOR B3TT3R OR FOR WORS3 >:|  
GG: ughhhh ok if you say so!  
GG: but maybe you should just do what makes you happy!  
GC: M4YB3  
GC: FORTUN4T3LY VR1SK4 ST1LL L1K3S GO1NG 3XPLOR1NG W1TH M3 SO 1 4M GO1NG TO DO TH4T  
GC: BY3 J4D3  
GG: bye!!

gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased trolling  gardenGnostic [GG]

GG: sorry about that, im back!  
TT: No problem.  
TT: How is Terezi?  
GG: good!  
GG: she is vriskas girlfriend now!!  
TT: Oh really!  
TT: In the flushed quadrant, I presume.  
GG: yep!  
TT: Congratulations to her.  
TT: It seems you and Dave are the only single residents of the meteor, if I may be so bold as to count you as a resident.  
TT: Discluding that clown troll who we all try our very hardest to keep from our minds.  
GG: wait, what about john?  
TT: What about him?  
GG: hes single too isnt he??  
GG: oh wait and karkat?  
GG: im not sure if you meant to imply that john and karkat are dating but thats what i got from it!  
TT: I did indeed mean to imply that John and Karkat are dating, or at least have some sort of relationship that they aren’t telling us about.  
GG: where did you get that from????  
GG: john likes dave, not karkat!  
GG: oh whoops, idk if im supposed to tell you that...  
TT: It’s okay. I had figured.  
TT: First of all, I have always noticed tension between John and Karkat whenever they’re together. At first I attributed this to Karkat’s former caliginous solicitations; however, in the last week or so, their dynamic has felt different.  
TT: Second, do you remember when John burst into the common room with a cut lip the other day?  
TT: Trolls have sharp teeth. I know this from experience.  
GG: i dont like where youre going with this...  
TT: I know there isn’t much evidence, but I’ve found I’m fairly good at analyzing relationship dynamics. For better or for worse.  
TT: However, I believe we were talking about your romance life, not John’s.  
GG: i dont have a romance life!  
TT: Fair enough.  
TT: Do you wish you did?  
GG: ...  
GG: not really tbh  
GG: i like the idea of romance, but i dont really want to date anyone yet  
TT: A valid decision. We are still quite young, after all.  
TT: If I may ask again - if you don’t have a crush on anyone, what caused you to question your sexuality?  
GG: ummmm i never said i dont have a crush on anyone!!  
GG: you can have a crush and not want to date them  
GG: also, i find people of all genders equally attractive, so even before we all met each other i was considering the idea of not being straight, although i didnt think about it that much  
TT: That makes sense.  
GG: also, um...  
GG: i think i like terezi.....  
TT: Ah.  
GG: but i dont want to date her because she is very happy with vriska!  
GG: and i think its just a small crush  
GG: but shes very pretty and i like hanging out with her a lot!  
TT: If she weren’t taken, do you think you would ask her out?  
GG: hm, i dont think so  
GG: i dont want to date anyone remember?  
TT: Sorry, yes, I understand.  
TT: I’m glad you have it sorted out.  
GG: :)  
TT: Hm.  
TT: Despite the unavoidable awkwardness such a statement will unequivocally cause, I believe it now behooves me to let you know that I formerly fostered some romantic inclinations towards you.  
GG: umm, what?  
TT: Sorry, I tend to get verbose when I’m nervous.  
TT: I used to like you.  
GG: ohhh  
GG: um  
GG: cool! :)  
GG: and thats how you discovered you were gay?  
TT: Yes.  
GG: neat  
GG: ok, yeah, this is a little awkward!  
GG: but its ok! im glad you told me  
TT: I’m glad you received it so well.  
TT: Anyway, I believe we have now both answered the questions we posed at the beginning of the conversation.  
TT: Do you require any additional advice?  
GG: i think im good for now!  
GG: thank you rose <33  
GG: (those are platonic, i know you are dating kanaya hehe)  
TT: I’d assumed as much.  
TT: <3  
GG: :D

gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact - originally jade wasn't going to play as big of a role in this story, but she's actually turned into a pretty important character! i think that's neat; she's great and i'm glad i'm getting the chance to write for her.


	18. davesprite: offer an outside perspective

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> davesprite pov chapter hell yeah... this one was really fun to write
> 
> school is in full swing now so there will probably be less frequent updates... sorry about that! i'm still working on it though—my rough estimate is that there'll be 25 chapters, but let's see!

turntechAvian [TA] began pestering  ectoBiologist [EB]

TA: hey john  
EB: !!!  
EB: is that dave sprite??  
TA: uh  
TA: davesprite  
TA: yeah  
EB: wow!!  
EB: you made a new pester chum account!  
TA: yep that sure is the thing i did wasnt obvious at all  
TA: also  
TA: theres a reason compound words are called that  
EB: what?  
TA: dave sprite  
TA: pester chum  
TA: see anything wrong  
EB: ...  
TA: why do i even bother  
TA: anyway i wanted to ask you  
TA: whens your next movie night with dave  
EB: um, i don’t know.  
EB: we haven’t had one in a while.  
TA: well its time to start having them again because i want in  
TA: or rather like itd be cool if i could come to one  
TA: if yall want me  
EB: oh man, that would be great!  
TA: cool  
TA: lmk when

turntechAvian [TA] ceased pestering  ectoBiologist [EB]

 

*

Your name is Davesprite (not Dave, not anymore, and most certainly not Dave Sprite), and the closer it gets to the proposed date of your movie night with John and his friends, the more anxious you are. It just feels like this is your chance to be accepted by the meteor crew—or some portion of it—and you really don’t want to fuck it up.

So you’re kind of relieved when John tells you that the movie you’re going to watch is Night at the Museum, which you like a lot, but haven’t seen in awhile. A safe choice. At least you’re not watching something you’re going to hate.

You teleport over with John at 8 pm. He always puts his hand on your shoulder, never taking your hand or putting an arm around you like he does with Jade. You guess they’re siblings (more or less), so they’re closer, but it makes you feel a little weird. It’d probably feel weirder if he  _ did _ take your hand, though. You’re still denying that you’re bisexual like Dave, and you feel like holding hands with a boy wouldn’t help that particular crisis.

When you turn up in the lounge, Dave is already there, setting up the movie. You can’t help but panic a little when you see him—the two of you have still only had one proper conversation recently, and it wasn’t the most comfortable for either of you.

John plops down next to Dave, then looks up at you. “Do you want to sit on the couch?”

You shrug. “I don’t care. I can just float here.” You lean your forearms against the back of the couch.

“Where’s Karkat gonna sit?” asks Dave quietly, despite there being a very clearly open spot next to John.

John looks at the empty area next to him, then back at Dave, considering the question for a longer time than it deserves. His eyes go to you for a split second. “Maybe next to you would be best?”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I… yeah.” Both of them scoot to the right to make an empty spot next to Dave.

Karkat arrives minutes later, and that’s when you start to notice there’s something wrong. Dave pointedly doesn’t turn around to look at him. John does, and waves at him in a manner that looks a little forced. A smile flashes across Karkat’s face, but it’s gone so fast you think you might’ve just imagined it.

“Davesprite, right?” Karkat asks you, and you nod.

Karkat walks around to the front of the couch, and stops. He stares at the seat left for him for way too long. You can feel the tension in the room now.

He looks up at you. “You wanna sit?”

You open your mouth to say no, but there’s something in his eyes that’s almost pleading. Guess you’re sitting on the couch then. You move around him, and perch next to Dave, maneuvering your wing and tail into a hopefully comfortable position. Dave doesn’t look at you either.

“Where are you gonna go?” John asks Karkat.

He sits down on the floor beneath you. “Here.”

“You can have the couch—” you start to say, but Karkat cuts you off.

“No, you’re the guest. You take it.”

You get the feeling this is not what most of their movie nights are like.

The feeling only intensifies when the movie actually starts. You’d imagined the room would have more energy, but instead it’s the opposite. Dave spouts some half-hearted commentary, but other than that, it’s completely silent, save for occasional laughter. You feel like there should be more—it’s a genuinely fun movie, but you’re not sure how much of it your companions are watching. Karkat’s eyes seem permanently glued to the screen, but that could just be because he doesn’t want to look anywhere else, least of all at Dave and John. John’s gaze keeps wandering elsewhere, mostly to Dave and Karkat, but he periodically refocuses himself back on the movie.

Halfway through, John stands suddenly, announces he’s going to make popcorn, and practically sprints out of the room without even bothering to pause the film. Five minutes later he’s back, and the crunching of popcorn lends an illusion of a normal movie night with friends.

Dave is the first to leave after it ends. He says something along the lines of “cool, it was nice to see that again,” pushes himself to his feet, and walks out the door. He doesn’t come back. A minute later, John follows him. Which leaves you alone in the room with Karkat.

“Are your movie nights usually like this?” you ask him quietly.

Karkat groans, the most sincere noise you’ve heard all evening. He jumps onto the couch beside you, burying his face in his hands.

“Was it me?”

He turns to you. “No, of course not. We’re just a bunch of fucking idiots who can’t put aside our problems for one goddamn second. Would’ve been the same if you weren’t here. Why do you think we haven’t had a movie night in so long?”

“Problems?” You’re… kind of surprised, actually. Yeah, you could tell something was wrong, but you guess you’d just attributed it to the presence of a stranger in their domain.

He eyes you. “Don’t tell me you didn’t feel the tension in the room. It was practically thick enough to choke on.”

“Yeah, but… what kinds of problems?”

“It’s really fucking complicated,” is all he says.

“Is it something I should know?”

“You don’t want to get involved.”

“If it involves Dave, it kinda involves me too.” Yeah, that’s not true at all, and you don’t like to pull the Alt Dave card, but now you’re incredibly curious. Karkat sighs.

“I kinda pissed him off the other day, and we’ve barely spoken since.”

Wow. Okay, that is pretty serious. “Are you sure he’s pissed? He didn’t look pissed.” Uncomfortable, yes, but not pissed. You’d like to think you’re fairly good at reading Dave’s emotions, given that he’s you, more or less (preferably less).

“Fine, he’s not pissed. But things aren’t so swell between us, for reasons I can’t describe, party because I don’t understand them fully myself, and partly because it’s none of your fucking business.”

“Okay, jeez, you don’t have to tell me.”

Karkat stays silent for a minute, watching the end credits of Night at the Museum. Then he turns to you.

“Who are you, anyway?”

“I’m Davesprite.”

“I know that, smartass. Let me get this straight. You’re Dave, but a sprite. And a bird.”

“And a fucking sword. Let’s not forget the sword.”

“So Dave just got cloned or some shit?”

“What, you weren’t watching us during that particular very important part of our timeline?”

“Yeah, I remember every single thing that happened to you in your doomed session on that one day.”

“I’m from a doomed timeline,” you explain. “Came back to prevent John from dying. Then a whole bunch of other shit happened, and now I’m here.”

Karkat actually looks intrigued. “Oh, shit, yeah, John did explain that to me. So you have a bunch of the same memories as Dave.”

“Yeah.”

“But you’re not him.”

“Not really.”

“Huh.”

He doesn’t get the chance to say more, because just then, John re-enters. He looks tired.

“Ready to go?” he asks.

“Yeah.”

“Did you have fun?”

“Kinda.” It’s not a lie; you liked the movie, even if the company wasn’t the best. But John looks pleased, at least.

*

“What happened between Dave and Karkat?” you ask John later when you’re back on the ship. He instantly blushes.

“What??”

“You know what I’m talking about. There was a helluva lot of tension between them.”

“It’s complicated,” he says finally.

“So I’ve heard.”

“Did someone tell you??”

“Karkat. He refused to tell me anything, actually.”

John breathes a sigh of relief. You figure he was also involved in whatever happened.

“You wanna tell me?” you ask after a second, and John’s eyes widen.

“Um… I’d rather not?”

“Why not?”

“I told you, it’s complicated! And I’m not just saying that because I don’t want to tell you; it’s actually a pretty complex conundrum that I have trouble wrapping my head around myself! Also, it’s embarrassing.”

“Embarrassing?”

“Yeah. It, uh.” John squirms. “It involves crush drama. That’s all I’m gonna say.”

Oh dear god. What else were you expecting from a group of teenage boys? You wonder briefly if they’re fighting over Jade or Terezi or something, and then decide that you no longer want to know.

*

But when you revisit your memories of the movie night later, when John and Jade and most of the consorts and carapacians are asleep (or at least you think they are—sprites don’t need to sleep, but sometimes you join them, because the ship gets even more lonely at night), you deduce from the looks they were all giving each other that this is not a fight about a girl. You’d be surprised if it involves a girl at all.

You remember snippets of conversation you’ve overheard from John and Jade.  _ I’ve been there too! Dave’s just a really likeable guy. _ The way John was leaning on Dave for support during the tour of the ship. How he’d asked you how sincere you’d been when you used to joke-flirt with him. How he’d run out to follow Dave after he left the movie. How deeply he blushed when you asked him about what you now know was  _ crush drama. _

Suddenly it’s so fucking obvious.

 

 

turntechAvian [TA] began pestering  ectoBiologist [EB]

TA: yo john are you awake  
TA: youd better be awake its only like midnight  
EB: bluh yes i am awake  
EB: what do you want dave sprite! i am trying to sleep.  
TA: ok lets just cut the bullshit for approximately 3 seconds and actually have a real life honest conversation with each other  
EB: ok, i’m sorry.  
EB: what did you want to talk about?  
TA: do you like dave  
EB: what!!!  
EB: that is not at all what i expected.  
EB: of course i like dave, dave is great.  
TA: hey i thought we said no bullshit  
EB: that’s not bullshit!! dave IS great.  
TA: fuck you john you know what im asking  
EB: well maybe i’d want to talk to you about it if you weren’t such a dick!!  
TA: shit  
TA: sorry  
TA: lets start over  
TA: do you have a crush on dave strider  
EB: .......  
EB: how did you know?  
TA: its kind of obvious  
EB: is it???  
TA: i mean  
TA: im usually pretty oblivious when it comes to stuff like this and dave is probably worse  
TA: especially cause hes the target of your affection  
TA: but when id connected all the dots  
TA: yeah  
TA: im not gonna say it was obvious but it wasnt a hard conclusion to come to  
EB: are you... mad at me or something?  
TA: what no  
TA: why would i be mad at you  
EB: for not telling you i liked dave? or that i’m gay?  
TA: oh my god you are gay  
TA: holy shit dude  
EB: ...yep.  
EB: um, people have recently been mad at me for not telling them stuff like that, so i was just wondering.  
TA: yeah no youre good  
TA: im kinda shocked ngl but its not like i wouldve expected you to tell me  
TA: that you like dave that is  
TA: telling me is one step removed from telling dave and like hell youre gonna do that  
EB: do you think he’s already figured it out??  
TA: no clue  
TA: if he has though its not too bad  
TA: just means you dont have to tell him yourself  
EB: yeah... i guess.  
TA: hey uh  
TA: i dont suppose you like me too do you  
EB: no, i don’t.  
EB: sorry!  
TA: its fine i dont like you either  
TA: i mean in a romantic way of course  
EB: oh.  
TA: what were you hoping i would  
EB: um  
EB: a little?  
EB: because if you did, that could be a sign that dave did too.  
EB: which is kinda silly, i know!  
EB: you and dave have had pretty different experiences with me! recently, that is.  
EB: also, the fact that i have a crush on dave and not on you could be another piece of evidence that you’re different people!  
TA: yeah i guess  
TA: so uh  
TA: im curious now  
TA: howd you fall for dave  
EB: lots of movie night bonding, and also the fact that i had to kiss him during truth or dare one time.  
TA: wait what  
TA: thats so fucking wild  
TA: guess we really have had different experiences huh  
EB: yeah!  
EB: hmm.  
EB: now i am thinking about what it would be like to kiss a sprite.  
TA: john  
TA: from the bottom of my heart  
TA: what the fuck  
EB: heheh, sorry!  
EB: i do not actually want to kiss you, don’t worry.  
TA: thanks for the reassurance  
TA: man  
TA: ok while were doing our honest feelings talk  
TA: this is gonna sound a bit weird but hear me out  
EB: yeah?  
TA: i almost wish you did like me too  
TA: cuz  
TA: this is so stupid but like  
TA: i know dave and i are different people but were also similar right  
TA: i just thought  
TA: if you like him and not me  
EB: then there’s something about you that makes you unloveable?  
TA: fuck  
TA: yeah thats it  
EB: oh man  
EB: davesprite...  
TA: holy shit  
EB: ??  
TA: you got my name right  
EB: ohhh!  
EB: that’s what you meant! about compound words!  
EB: hehe, sorry.  
EB: anyway...  
EB: you are not unloveable! you are very cool, and i like having these talks with you.  
EB: i didn’t like you very much last time, but this time i do!  
TA: last time  
EB: oh yeah, in the alternate timeline.  
EB: did i tell you that you dated jade in that timeline?  
TA: what  
TA: no  
EB: yeah!  
EB: and if she wanted to date you, that means you weren’t unloveable.  
EB: you did break up, but that was your fault, not that she stopped liking you.  
TA: wait why did we break up  
EB: i don’t think you ever told me?  
EB: you were just really depressed all the time.  
TA: well im like that in this timeline too  
EB: oh no :(  
EB: well, maybe one day you will find someone who makes you happy! who isn’t me or jade.  
EB: or, you will learn how to get better yourself!  
EB: uh, sorry. i don’t know a lot about depression or how to help people with it.  
EB: but tell me if there is anything i can do to help!  
TA: thanks  
TA: i mean that sincerely thank you john  
EB: no problem!  
EB: you are my friend dave sprite.  
EB: hehe, i mean davesprite.  
EB: um... now can i go to sleep?  
TA: oh yeah go ahead  
EB: sweet.  
EB: actually... one more question.  
TA: neat cause i have one more question for you  
EB: oh no, guess i’m not sleeping yet!  
EB: uhh...  
EB: how do i tell dave i like him?  
TA: why would i know  
EB: well, how would YOU like to be told if someone had a crush on you?  
TA: hm  
TA: probably over text tbh  
TA: so i could freak out without the other person seeing  
EB: lol ok!  
EB: i’ll keep that in mind.  
TA: are you actually gonna tell him  
EB: i probably should, at some point...  
EB: i should tell karkat first though.  
TA: wait why  
TA: hey that might have something to do with my question  
TA: which is  
TA: what the hell is going on with you and dave and karkat  
EB: oh man...  
EB: it is so crazy.  
EB: but the gist of it is, dave is annoyed because he walked in on me making out with karkat.  
TA: excuse me what the fuck  
TA: i dont even know how to begin addressing that behemoth of a sentence you just threw at me  
TA: youre shitting me you didnt actually make out with karkat did you  
EB: yep, i sure did!  
TA: was it like  
TA: fun  
EB: yeah, it was great.  
TA: i literally cannot comprehend that  
TA: im trying to picture you kissing karkat and its just not happening its too out there  
TA: i thought you liked dave  
EB: i do...  
EB: but i like karkat too :P  
TA: i have a feeling we havent even scratched the surface of this situation so im just gonna drop it here  
EB: you’re right, and good idea.  
EB: you aren’t going to tell anyone else about this right?  
TA: of course not  
EB: ok, thank you  
EB: hey, this was a good talk!  
TA: yeah it was  
EB: okay, now i will actually go to sleep.  
EB: good night davesprite!  
EB: hehe, that rhymes.  
TA: night john

turntechAvian [TA] ceased pestering  ectoBiologist [EB]


	19. karkat: confront your urge to be a conformist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow, i think this is the first karkat pov chapter!
> 
> this is probably gonna be the last update for a while... usually i can get chapters done pretty quickly because i have an outline, but i recently decided to scrap a bunch of my outline and try something different, so i have about 3 separate chapters in the works right now. and then i also have lots of school work so... yeah. i'm feeling kinda stuck, but hopefully i can figure stuff out! (and hopefully all this commentary on the writing process is interesting haha)

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: DAVE, ARE YOU MAD AT ME?  
TG: well thats certainly a way to start a conversation  
TG: no im not mad at you why would you think that  
CG: REALLY? YOU CAN THINK OF NO REASON WHY I MIGHT MAKE THAT ASSUMPTION?  
CG: WE’VE BARELY TALKED IN THE LAST FEW DAYS. IF I DIDN’T KNOW BETTER I’D SAY YOU WERE AVOIDING ME.  
TG: ok i guess i cant refute that  
TG: but im not mad at you ok  
TG: not even about the john thing  
TG: well  
CG: LOOK, IF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ME AND JOHN BEING MOIRAILS, JUST TELL ME.  
TG: dude ive told you im cool with it  
TG: its not like you need my blessing to go be palemates  
CG: SURE, BUT OBVIOUSLY THE IDEA UPSETS YOU.  
TG: what  
TG: i  
TG: no it doesnt upset me  
TG: anyway my feelings dont matter its your relationship  
CG: YOUR FEELINGS ABSOLUTELY MATTER, ASSHAT. EVEN IF THEY DON’T CHANGE ANYTHING ABOUT MY RELATIONSHIP WITH JOHN, I WANT TO KNOW WHAT THEY ARE.  
TG: no like  
TG: im jealous thats literally all there is  
TG: its stupid and its my problem not your problem  
CG: JEALOUS?  
CG: OH WAIT, FUCK.  
CG: DO YOU LIKE JOHN?  
TG: dude  
TG: i  
TG: no  
TG: i dont like john why does everyone think i like john  
TG: youre like the fourth person to ask me this wtf  
TG: is there something about me that just exudes john loving energy  
CG: IT WAS A REASONABLE ASSUMPTION, OK?  
CG: YOU SAID YOU WERE JEALOUS OF ME SO I TOOK THE NATURAL NEXT STEP AND CONCLUDED YOU WANTED A RELATIONSHIP WITH JOHN.  
CG: BUT MAYBE YOU’RE MORE JEALOUS OF THE RELATIONSHIP ITSELF?  
CG: LIKE, YOU WANT A MOIRAIL?  
TG: something like that  
TG: nevermind  
TG: so youre moirails then  
CG: YEAH.  
TG: ok  
TG: like just moirails not matesprits too  
CG: CORRECT.  
CG: I DON’T HAVE A MATESPRIT.  
TG: ok good to know  
CG: I WAS ACTUALLY JUST ABOUT TO DISCUSS THAT WITH JOHN.  
TG: right well i wont intrude on your john time

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

  
  


Your name is Karkat Vantas, and you feel like you have majorly fucked up in a way that you can’t quite make sense of. Sure, Dave says he’s not mad, and you can believe that—but there’s a divide between you that you don’t know how to fill, and the more time you spend with John and not with him, the wider that divide becomes.

John arrives in your respiteblock right on time, appearing with a flash of blue light and a grin. Your heart flutters at the sight of him in a tone that’s not quite pale, but you push that feeling down. Now is not the time for vacillation.

You gesture to the stack of pillows you’ve carefully arranged on the floor in the middle of the block. You had to alchemize a few more for this purpose, and it took much longer than you would’ve liked, but the look John gives you is worth it.

“Is that a moirail pile??”

“Yeah. Figured you’d prefer pillows.” You do too—definitely beats the hours you spent with Gamzee, horns jabbing into your ass in every direction.

“Cool!” He sits in the middle, leaning back against the multitude of pillows.

You join him. It’s really quite comfortable—your hard work paid off. Then John scoots over and puts his head on your lap. Whoa, okay, that’s more physical contact than you were expecting right off the bat. But it’s nice, and still falls into pale territory, so you give in and run a tentative hand through his hair. It’s thick and very soft. He giggles.

“Okay,” you say. “Feelings jam time. Got anything you need to get off your chest?”

John’s laughter fades, and he grows still and contemplative. “Um… maybe you should go first?”

“Right. Let’s start with something meta, then. About, you know. This.” You gesture vaguely at yourself and John.

“Our relationship?”

“Yeah. I think we should keep being moirails.”

John’s shoulders sag in relief. “Great!”

“ _ Only _ moirails,” you clarify, your relatively calm tone hopefully disguising your nerves.

“So—wait.” He sits up to look at you properly, brow furrowed. “Regular moirails? So, no kissing and stuff?”

“Yeah.”

John opens his mouth to protest, then closes it. “Do… you not want to do that anymore?”

“No, I just—fuck. I think we need to pick a quadrant and stick with it.”

“But you’re panquadrant—”

“I know. But doing that just causes more problems than it solves. Like, with Dave.”

“Dave said we could do whatever we wanted!”

“I know what Dave said!” You sigh. “Look. We’re already moirails. It’s not like much is changing. I just… I’m asking you to do this for me. For the sake of my sanity, if nothing else.”

You look John in the eyes. They’re so bright, and so impossibly blue—a deep cobalt you’d never find on Alternia. Not for the first time, you’re tempted to pull him towards you and kiss him into oblivion. It would be so easy, and you know he’d probably love to do the same. But you’ve got to honor the agreement you’re making. No more panquadrant shenanigans.

It’s a couple seconds before he speaks. You expect him to yell at you, or try to argue, but he just nods, and says quietly, “Okay.”

“Okay,” you echo, and take his hand, intertwining your fingers. Totally pale gesture. Not awkward at all. “Your turn.”

John shifts, and breaks eye contact. “Um. About Dave.”

“Great, my other thing involved Dave as well. What about him?”

“I just thought you should know that, well. He likes you back.”

It takes you a second to comprehend the full gravity of what he’s saying, then a million thoughts race through your think pan. “What the fuck? How do you know that??”

“He told me.”

“When?”

“A while ago.”

“And you didn’t tell me??”

John stumbles over his words. “I—we weren’t moirails at the time—I’d forgotten you liked him—”

“But the morning after we—” Shit, what do you call it. “—After the incident. You could’ve told me then, at the very least!”

“I didn’t want to complicate the situation!”

“It’s already really fucking complicated!” Oh. Wait, no. You know why John didn’t tell you. You force your voice to a lower volume. “Did you think I was going to dump you and run off with Dave?”

John’s eyes are on his shoes. “Sorta,” he replies.

“Oh, fuck. No way, I wouldn’t do that, okay?” You put an arm around his shoulder, and he leans into you.

“Thanks.”

There’s a minute of silence. You try to focus on John in your arms, breathing in and out, but you can’t stop thinking about Dave. Holy  _ shit, _ he likes you back. You wouldn’t have guessed it, and you certainly don’t believe it fully now. How long have you reciprocated each other’s feelings and never noticed it? In your defence, even though you and Dave are on the same meteor 24/7, the only alone time you’ve spent with him recently has been to watch movies when John isn’t available. And you’ve certainly spent a lot of non-movie time with John. You honestly can’t imagine what it would be like if he couldn’t visit you—your journey must’ve looked pretty different in the alternate timeline.

“Damn,” you say when the silence has become too long to be comfortable. (You still don’t love silences, but somehow, they aren’t too awkward when you’re with John.) “So Dave isn’t so straight, is he.”

John laughs. “Nope! He’s bi.”

“You could’ve at least told me that part.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Whatever. At least I know now.” You sit up straighter, and look at him again. “Right. I’ve got a plan.”

“What kind of plan?”

“It’s a quadrant plan. And now that I know for sure Dave likes me, maybe I can try to put it into motion.”

You wait for John to respond. He doesn’t. You think you see a bit of apprehension on his face.

“Basically… if you’re my moirail, Dave can be my matesprit.”

John freezes, and his eyes go very wide. Shit, that was not the response you were expecting at all.

“So that’s why you just want to be moirails,” he whispers, and he can’t keep the accusatory tone from his voice. You feel your heart go cold. No, no, this isn’t what you want, he was supposed to be okay with it—

“It’s not  _ just _ moirails! The red quadrant isn’t any better or worse than the pale one! I’ve just thought a lot about my feelings for the two of you, and decided we’d be better off as pale.”

“What about my feelings?”

“What about them?”

He groans, running a hand down his face. “Yeah, I love having feelings jams, and I love cuddling in piles, but I also want to kiss you and hold your hand and call you my boyfriend! Why are quadrants more important than feelings??”

“Quadrants represent feelings—”

“Yeah, but apparently they don’t do a very good job, because my feelings don’t fit into a quadrant, and I know yours don’t either!”

“Wow, way to be culturally sensitive,” you mutter, but fuck, he’s so right.

“Karkat.” John sighs, and the look he gives you is almost pleading. “I know how important quadrants are to you! I’m not saying they’re bad. They work for a lot of people! But you’ve told me very clearly that they don’t work for you, and trying to conform to them is hurting you more than it’s helping you.”

You don’t speak. There go all your efforts to be normal, out the fucking window. But honestly, it never would’ve worked, trying to put each of your human friends into a box. John’s voiced his feelings very clearly, but Dave? You have a feeling that, as much as he may like you, he doesn’t want to spend all his time alone with you making out. He may not be as emotionally open as John, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to have feelings jams.

“Yeah,” you say finally. “Fuck. You’re right.”

“I… thought I might be.”

“No, no, you’re absolutely right, and I’m a fucking idiot.”

“You’re not!”

“Sure. But at the very least I’m terrified of… of this. Of not conforming. Of feeling like a hypocrite for not following the quadrants that interest me so goddamn much.”

He nods, sympathetic. “Fear left over from Alternia?”

A jolt of terror rushes through you. John notices, and tightens his grip around you. Fuck, you were trying not to think about that, but what you’re doing with John? That could absolutely get you culled. If it wasn’t for your blood color, it was going to be for your fucky feelings and deviant relationships.

And what about John? You don’t know a lot about gay people on Earth, but you’re pretty sure that wherever he lived, he wouldn’t have gotten killed for his sexuality. But in other places? Yeah, maybe. You wonder if he’s ever thought about that.

“I’m not on Alternia anymore,” you tell him, but you’re also reassuring yourself.

You sit together in silence again, and the comfort of John’s embrace makes you feel safe.

“So…” John sits up and licks his lips, suddenly nervous. “What are we now?”

“A panquadrant relationship?”

“I guess?”

“Yeah. No. Boyfriends. Same thing, I think.”

John grins, raising a hand up to your face. “Awesome. So, I can kiss you, then?”

Your heart skips a beat. “Absolutely. Please do.”

He does, quickly and tenderly, warm hands gliding across your cheeks. It’s nicer than it should be. No, scratch that—it should be this nice; it’s  _ allowed _ to be this nice. You push him back onto the pile and kiss him again, and again, and he gives you that wonderful lovestruck smile that shows all his teeth. He pulls your chest against his, but instead of kissing you, he wraps his arms around you and presses his face into your shoulder. You’re honestly kind of glad—making out in a moirail pile might be a bit too much for you.

You stay there for at least five minutes, arms around each other, eyes closed, curled up together amidst a preposterous amount of pillows. You could fall asleep like this, if you didn’t keep sneaking glances at John. He looks so peaceful. You wish he would open his eyes so you could lose yourself in their extraordinary blue.

“Do you mind if I make another confession?” he whispers suddenly, eyes cracking open.

“This is still a feelings jam, right?”

He giggles, like he’s about to share a particularly ridiculous secret. “I’ve got a huge crush on Dave.”

You start to laugh for no reason but your instant surprise. John joins you, and soon enough you’re cackling your asses off. It’s so stupid, but you’re both high off the adrenaline from all the physical contact, and the fact that your whole situation is complicated even more by this one piece of knowledge is, quite frankly, fucking hysterical.

“I’ve liked him ever since I had to kiss him in Truth or Dare,” John tells you once you’ve both calmed down and are sitting upright again, holding hands.

“Holy shit, that’s a long time.”

“I know! Longer than I’ve liked you.”

“Is that how you discovered you were gay?”

“Yep!”

“Wow.”

He gives you a peck on the cheek, which makes you blush. “Don’t worry, I still like you.”

“And why you didn’t want me to get together with Dave?”

“Yeah, kinda!”

“Jegus. We’re such a mess.”

“We really are.”

“What do we do now?”

John’s face grows solemn. “I have no clue. You… don’t suppose we could all date each other, could we?”

“Panquadrant polyamory? That would be really fucking weird.”

“Too weird for you?”

“I don’t know. Does Dave like you too?”

He sighs. “No, I don’t think so.”

“That’s a problem.”

“Yeah.”

There’s a pause. John squeezes your hand, then removes his hand from yours and folds his arms across his lap.

“You don’t suppose we should go about this in a different way?”

“Go about what?”

“Our relationship. No, no, not like… be moirails exclusively or something; I stand by what I said before. But we do want to include Dave, right?”

“Yeah, if he wants to do that.”

“Maybe we should try harder to like… build individual relationships with him before trying something with the three of us. You know he likes you back now! Maybe you could ask him on a date or something.”

The idea excites you, but you don’t want to get ahead of yourself. “But he knows I’m with you—”

“That’s okay! He knows that dating multiple people is a troll thing. You just need to make sure to let him know I’m okay with it.”

You nod. “Okay. Yeah.”

“And we shouldn’t do any PDA around him or anything. Make sure to let him know we like him as much as we like each other.”

“Sounds good.” You stand and stretch. “Is that the end of our feelings jam?”

John jumps up as well. “Yeah, I think! I’d say that was pretty productive!”

You grin. “Me too.”

*

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling grimAuxiliatrix [GA]

CG: HEY KANAYA  
CG: WOULD YOU MIND ENTERTAINING AN ENTIRELY HYPOTHETICAL SCENARIO WITH ME FOR A SEC?  
GA: I Wouldnt Mind  
CG: RIGHT.  
CG: OK, IMAGINE THERE’S A TROLL WHOSE ROMANTIC LEANINGS ARE SO FUCKED UP THAT HE FEELS ATTRACTION TO MULTIPLE PEOPLE IN MULTIPLE QUADRANTS.  
GA: I Assume This Hypothetical Troll Bears No Resemblance To You And His Romantic Interests Are Nothing Like Your Current Movie Watching Companions  
CG: OF COURSE NOT.  
GA: I See  
GA: Go On  
CG: HOW OUTLANDISH AND TABOO WOULD IT BE FOR HIM TO INITIATE A PANQUADRANT, POLYAMOROUS TRIAD WITH THESE TWO ROMANTIC INTERESTS?  
GA: Very Much So  
GA: But  
GA: You Should Do It Anyway

grimAuxiliatrix [GA] ceased trolling  carcinoGeneticist [CG]


	20. dave: realize that your friends have some emotions (what a shock!!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for your patience everyone!! have a long chapter today.
> 
> there hasn't been a lot of davekat in this fic so far, but fear not... it's coming ;)
> 
> (also, i think i haven't made it that davekat centered so that i can focus on the other pairings, which i haven't written as much!)

The second time you try to watch Madagascar, it actually isn’t as much of a fucking disaster. In fact, compared to your most recent movie nights, it’s pretty chill. You decide not to invite Davesprite—he just made your previous one even more awkward, although to be fair, it would’ve been like that even if he hadn’t been there. Maybe if he’d been absent, though, you would have talked more openly.

Yet again, John organizes the movie night, which is completely fine by you. You’d hate to admit it, but… you still feel weird around Karkat, for reasons you can’t quite articulate. Eventually you attribute the pit that forms in your stomach whenever you see him to just another sign of your crush, which you’re not doing a very good job of pushing down into the dark abysses of your mind where it belongs.

But when you’re alone in the lounge with Karkat, watching him set up the movie as you wait for John to arrive, burying your feelings is no longer an option. Although his fingers are a bit stubbier than yours, he’s got a fair amount of dexterity, and they dance across his keyboard faster than you might’ve expected. You’ve gotta admit, it’s a little mesmerizing.

“Why are your nails shorter than Terezi’s?” you ask, because the best way to fill the silence is always with a stupid comment.

Karkat instantly looks at his nails. They’re the same yellow as the tips of his horns, and almost as short as yours. By contrast, Terezi’s are long and filed to a point. “Uh, because I don’t want to accidentally stab myself every time I have an itch? No, that was not an innuendo, stop grinning, you dumb fuck.”

You weren’t aware that you were grinning—you’d describe it more as a  _ slight smile _ —but then again, Karkat’s always had an uncanny ability to read your toned-down facial expressions. “Why does Terezi have sharp nails, then?”

“I don’t fucking know? I think it’s a highblood thing. Like either some sort of fashion choice or just a part of their biology. If you think Terezi’s nails are sharp, you should see Vriska.”

“I try my best not to see Vriska, but sometimes it’s unavoidable.”

Karkat snorts and continues typing.

When John turns up, he plops down right in between the two of you. Guess the seating arrangement is fixed now. You feel a pang of disappointment—you were beginning to wish you could sit next to Karkat for the rest of the movie. Oh well, John is cool too.

Thankfully, this time, the three of you settle into your normal movie-watching vibe. You laugh and talk and make commentary about this silly, stupid kids’ movie you’re watching instead of one of Karkat’s high-brow Alternian films that are actually objectively good (though you’d never admit it to his face—most of his movie taste is as trashy as yours). The hour and a half goes by quickly, and somehow all the previous tension dissipates.

Karkat doesn’t love Madagascar, but he tolerates it enough to agree to watch the second one with you, which you haven’t actually seen yet. It isn’t as good as the first (and is also kinda problematic, you come to realize), but hey, it’s fun to watch with friends for a bit of nostalgia, and also to poke fun at its depictions of heterosexuality.

Predictably, towards the middle of the movie, the three of you are getting pretty tired, John and Karkat especially. Karkat snuggles up against John and puts his head on his shoulder, the first not-quite-platonic contact they’ve had all evening. At least they’re not making out in front of you, but you can’t help but feel your jealousy resurface again for a second at the back of your mind. Are they still moirails? Or something else? You decide not to ask, for obvious reasons.

Some time later, Karkat shifts, leaning against the back of the couch instead of against John. You’re pretty sure he falls asleep like that—five minutes later, you hear him snoring lightly. The sound is almost like a kitten purring, and suddenly you’re very glad you’re not sitting next to him, because you don’t know if you’d be able to resist the urge to run a hand through his hair or some stupid gay shit like that.

You refocus your attention on the movie, and manage keep it there for an impressively long time—that is, until John, who’s becoming increasingly out of touch with the waking world, lies down and puts his head in your lap.

Okay, fuck Madagascar 2, suddenly your priority is to figure out what the hell you’re supposed to do with your sleepy gay friend who’s currently using your thighs as a pillow. You want to think he’s just doing it to fuck with you, but John’s not like that. This is a 100% sincere gesture, probably originating from the fact that he’s tired, and he doesn’t want to wake Karkat, so he’s chosen this direction to lean instead of that one. Or…

Oh,  _ shit. _

You are actually paradox space’s biggest idiot.

Without disturbing John, who you’re pretty sure is half-asleep at this point, you pull out your phone and send a quick text.

 

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT]

TG: help  
TG: o master of the gays i require your guidance  
TG: aid me in my most pressing inquiry  
TT: Yes?  
TG: right first of all this isnt about me  
TG: you know how sometimes you say shit like  
TG: oh hypothetically what if this that and the other happened what would you do this is totally hypothetical btw  
TG: but then its actually about you and you want advice without giving away that youre the one the thing is happening to  
TG: even though thats really stupid and obvious because we all know whenever someone says somethings hypothetical that means it isnt at all  
TG: what im trying to say is that im not actually asking about me believe it or not  
TT: If you say so.  
TG: no rose dont do that shit  
TG: i just went over this  
TT: Alright, I believe you.  
TT: What’s your question?  
TG: is it possible to romantically like two people at once  
TT: Yes.  
TG: oh  
TG: ok  
TG: fuck  
TG: for the record i only like one person and its karkat fucking vantas so obviously my question doesnt apply to me at all  
TT: Obviously.  
TG: i can hear the sarcasm dripping from your purple text  
TG: like poison from the fang of a violet tentacled sea monster  
TG: im serious rose im asking about john not me  
TT: Oh?  
TG: no fuck this im not explaining it to you  
TG: it was complicated enough to begin with and now its even worse  
TG: god im such a fucking dumbass  
TG: thanks for your help bye

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT]

 

You put away your phone and lean back against the couch. So John Egbert is in love with you. It’s so obvious now; there’s no other explanation for all of his jokes about wanting to kiss you, his excuses to be physically close to you, or anything else he’s been doing for the last… man, it’s gotta be at least a month or two now? Emotions tumble through your mind; you’re not even sure what you’re supposed to be feeling right now. Flattered? Frustrated? Hell, even sad that you don’t reciprocate his feelings? This has gone beyond a love triangle at this point; it’s just a clusterfuck of emotions.

John shifts his position, resting his hand on your knee. Okay, you have to admit that he’s incredibly cute. Er. This situation is cute, rather. He’s probably too tired to really comprehend what effect his actions might have on you, and for some reason that’s really fucking adorable.

You glance at Karkat. Does he know about this? Is it going to affect his relationship with John, whatever that relationship may be?

You put a hand on John’s shoulder, and keep it there for the rest of the movie.

*

Days later, John seems to have no recollection of what happened during the second half of Madagascar 2, which you suppose is for the better. You have another movie night in which you re-watch Night of the Museum (because let’s be honest, who was really paying attention to it the night when Davesprite was there) and lament the fact that the world ended before the sequel could come out. Everyone keeps their hands to themselves this time. For better or for worse.

An unspoken rule seems to have emerged over the past week or so between the three of you—don’t talk about romance. Unless you’re too exhausted to think straight, don’t do anything that could be considered non-platonic, and most certainly do not mention that one time where you walked in on John and Karkat making out, because you’re over that, it wasn’t a big deal, there’s no need to bring it up again. Sure enough, your two friends show no signs of being in a relationship, and after awhile you find yourself wondering if they’re still together at all. Yeah, they spend some time alone without you, but it’s no more than the time you spend alone with John or Karkat separately. Honestly, although you hate to admit it to yourself, you’re kind of glad about that.

There are two activities that unite the three of you, and those are movie nights, and Can Town.

You have not yet met a person who didn’t love the Mayor. (Granted, you’ve only outright asked three people for their opinions, but that’s good enough for you.) He’s awesome. What a pal. You come to Can Town to de-stress, aimlessly stacking cans and focusing on creating patterns rather than confronting whatever shit your brain has concocted for you at that instant, and sometimes end up ranting to the Mayor for hours on end. About whatever. Your back hurts, you didn’t like a movie as much as you thought you would, telling him random stories from your pre-Sburb life. He’s practically your moirail at this point, what with all you’ve been dumping on him. Nothing serious, though. You don’t tell him about your complicated with relationship with Davesprite, or your growing unease with your time powers, or anything to do with Bro. You trust him, but not  _ that _ much.

In return, the Mayor entertains you with tales of his life on Skaia, especially highlighting his distrust of the monarchy and negative attitudes towards warfare. No wonder he’s so interested in democracy. You’re kind of shocked when you discover that your friend—the little, cute, lovable Mayor—is in fact a revolutionary hero. You guess he’s even cooler than you thought.

John and Karkat enjoy Can Town as well, but you doubt they come here as often as you. You’ve overheard some pretty interesting discussions between John and the Mayor—they have quite a history. Karkat’s a less frequent visitor, but he’s taken up your habit of contributing to the town whenever he’s angry or overwhelmed. In Can Town, everyone is equal. The light of democracy shines on every one of you.

One day, when John’s back on the ship (where he spends about half of his waking hours, you’d say) and everything is pretty quiet around the meteor, you’re actually  _ summoned _ to Can Town for the first time.

You’re sitting on your bed, in the middle of cooking up some sick rhymes for your latest musical endeavor, when you hear a quiet knocking at the door. You’re surprised to see the Mayor standing in front of you when you open it.

“I was wondering if you could stop by Can Town,” he tells you, and by this point you can understand almost every word of his carapacian sign language. “I think Karkat may need someone to talk to.”

A ball of lead instantly drops into your stomach. “What? Is he okay?”

“I’m not sure. He won’t talk to me.”

You let the Mayor lead you back to Can Town. It takes all of your willpower to stop yourself from rushing in front of him and flying all the way yourself. Did something happen? How bad is it??

Sure enough, when you arrive, Karkat is curled up in the farthest corner of the room, legs drawn up to his chest, his face buried in his knees. You approach him cautiously, and the Mayor gives you more than enough space. Shit, it’s comforting time, you guess. Not your strong suit at all, but John isn’t here, so….

“Hey,” you say, trying to sound casual.

Karkat looks up at you. The bags under his eyes have intensified; he looks even more tired than usual. It doesn’t seem like he’s been crying, though, which is somewhat reassuring.

“Fuck off.”

“Nah. What’s up?”

He grits his teeth. “I’m really not in the mood, Dave.”

“For what? Talking?”

“What did you think I wasn’t in the mood for, asswad? Playing with cans?”

“Hey, watch it. The Mayor’s project is dead fucking serious. Can’t have you write it off as just  _ playing with cans, _ bro.”

Karkat groans and covers his face with his hands. You’re tempted to go off on a bullshit tangent, maybe in some sorta perverse effort to entertain him or something, but thankfully for both of you you keep your trap shut.

You sit there, completely still and silent, for an entire two minutes. It’s taking all of your willpower not to fidget, or comment on something stupid like how you’ve never had to replace the light in this room, or any room, isn’t that wild, where does the electricity come from, oh hang on, lightbulbs can last up to a year, right, or maybe you’re just misremembering that, you definitely had to change a shit ton of lightbulbs when you were living with Bro, because he never did it, so you figured it out on your own, and got more than one injury that way if you recall correctly—

Haha, nope, tangent cancelled. You are very glad you didn’t say any of that aloud.

“How the fuck do you  _ change _ a lightbulb?” comes Karkat’s voice from beside you. Shit.

The question catches you off-guard, and you blank for a second on the proper procedure. “You. Uh. Take the old one out. Then you grab a new one and screw that fucker—”

“No, you don’t.”

“What?”

“Come on, cut the bullshit.”

“Oh, so you’re some sorta lightbulb expert now?”

He sighs. “Please, Dave. We both know humans are shithive maggots, but lightbulb dildos? That’s just one step too far off the fragile, trembling ladder of sanity I’ve constructed in my mind for your species.”

It takes you about five whole seconds to figure out what the fuck he’s talking about. “Karkat—I—what—okay, deeply hysterical as the concept of a lightbulb dildo may be, I’m concerned that you don’t know what a screw is??”

Karkat instantly blushes. “Of course I know what a screw is!! I—fuck. Never mind.”

You settle into another uncomfortable silence. You’re tempted to make another stupid comment about lightbulbs, maybe try and further his innuendo, but he’s right, now is not the time. So you just sit there and wait.

“You okay?” you ask after a few more minutes have gone by. Shit, no, of course he isn’t okay—surely you can think of something less dumb—

“Better,” murmurs Karkat. His chin is resting on his knees, and he stares out towards Can Town.

“Sweet.”

Suddenly, Karkat turns to you, eyes narrowing slightly. “Do you think I’m a failure of a leader?”

“What? No—dude—” Your instinct is to reassure him that of course he’s a great leader, and if not, most certainly not a failure, but you find yourself surprised at the reminder that he ever was the leader in the first place.

“Yeah, right,” he mutters. “Jegus. We’re, what, half a sweep into this goddamn meteor cruise—”

“More like a fourth of a sweep.”

“Okay, thank you for your interruption, o God of Time.”

“It’s Knight.”

“What?”

“Knight of Time. That’s my title. Hey, yours too, right? Knight of Blood? Ha, that sounds like some shitty horror movie title. Night of Blood….”

“Piss-poor excuse for a Blood player, at the very least.”

It takes you a second to connect the dots. Right, Blood is the leadership aspect, isn’t it? “You don’t, uh,  _ have _ to be a leader, do you?”

“Yes, I do!” yells Karkat. The volume of his voice begins to steadily increase. “And I was so sure of that! But then our session went down the fucking load gaper, and guess whose fault that was? Yeah. Mine. And I guess I had some stupid idea in my head, like, oh, this meteor trip is how I’m going to make it up to everyone, I’m going to be so fucking leader-like, we’re gonna make it through this sweep and a half, then go beat the ever-loving shit out of Lord English and make another goddamn universe. And this time it’s gonna run smoothly and I’m not gonna fuck up the frogs and maybe everyone will actually respect me? Then John turns up and  _ bam, _ sexuality crisis activated. And now what am I doing? Sitting around on my ass, watching stupid movies and playing with cans.”

You open your mouth to point out, yet again, that Can Town isn’t just  _ playing with cans, _ but reconsider and close it. Instead you say, like a fucking hypocrite, “You know we don’t have to worry about Lord English yet?”

He groans. “Doesn’t mean my perpetually anxiety-ridden pan hasn’t been torturing me with the thought.”

Oh, big mood. “Besides, Vriska’s got the plans! Aaaaaaaall of them.”

Karkat smirks at your Vriska impression, but his face quickly contorts with frustration once more. “Yeah, she’s got the plans, but where does that leave me??”

“Just means you don’t have to be burdened with the task of coming up with plans.”

“Oh.” He considers this. “I guess. But like hell I trust Vriska to have my best interests in mind.”

“Well, just cause you’re not the leader doesn’t mean you can’t have input on that sorta stuff.”

No, wait, shit, that was not what you had meant to say. Karkat’s eyebrows shoot up. “You think I’m not the leader?”

“What’s wrong with not being the leader?”

“I literally just told you, fuckass!”

“Dude, it sounds like you just want to be the leader so you can fit some sorta ideal of what a Blood player is supposed to be. You don’t have to let your aspect define you, you know. Time’s supposed to be all about destruction, but I say fuck that. Anyway, isn’t Blood also about friendship and bonds and shit? You can’t say you’re not at least doing well on that  _ aspect _ of it.”

You wait for Karkat to comment on your very good pun. He doesn’t. “Am I really, though?”

“You’ve got a fucking boyfriend, dude. I’d say that’s pretty bond-y. And friends. At the very least you have me, right?”

“Right,” he says, and cracks a small smile. “Yeah. I guess.”

“And what’s wrong with sitting around and watching dumb movies with your friends? We have three years, bro. It’s not like we have to spend every waking moment preparing for our big boss battle. Sure, in a year or so, we should start… getting ready to enter the new session, but…”

You falter. Maybe this isn’t the best way to comfort him. If  _ getting ready _ means fight training, you know at least  _ you _ sure as hell won’t be doing it. Your mind instantly goes to your conversation with Jade. Well… if it was with Karkat, maybe it’d be okay? You know each other’s boundaries, more or less; you know he’d never try to hurt you…

“So,” you start again, as if there’d been no pause, “let’s just enjoy the time we have for now, yeah?”

Karkat doesn’t speak for a couple moments. Then, silently, he nods.

“No one’s forcing you to be a leader or anything. If you’re not the leader, someone else will be! It’s no big deal. And if not being the leader means you’re happier, and less stressed, then that’s fucking fantastic.”

“Yeah,” says Karkat. He licks his lips and crosses his legs, leaning forward into more of a slouch. “Fuck. You’re right. Sorry.”

“What for?”

“For being a dumbass. My think pan just… keeps fucking me over. Glad I have people who’ll pull me out of it when that happens.”

His voice is quiet, hesitant, but his words make your heart leap.

You sit in silence for another minute or two. You can hear Karkat’s slow breathing next to you, and you feel yourself calming down along with him. This time, it’s not so awkward; there are no unspoken words in the space between you. You fix your eyes on the Mayor, happily drawing on the wall at the opposite end of the room, and repress the urge to put a hand on Karkat’s back and feel him inhale and exhale, reminding him that you’re here, that you care about him.

Karkat sneezes. The moment ends.

“So, you’re good?” you ask.

“Better.”

“You wanna go  _ play with cans _ a little?”

“Excuse you, Strider. The Mayor’s project is much more than simple grub’s play.”

You grin and pull him to his feet, letting your hand linger in his for a moment longer than it needs to. “Fuck yeah it is. Bet I can build a can tower that touches the ceiling.”

“No way, it’s much taller than—”

You jump into the air and float upwards, letting your hand trail across the ceiling. Karkat groans.

“Not fair!”

“Fine.” You touch back down on the floor. For a moment you imagine wrapping your arms around Karkat and pulling him up with you, but he’d probably just shriek and wriggle out of your grasp. Besides, you don’t think you’re strong enough to carry him. Maybe with John’s help, though?

“Let’s see who can make the tallest can tower  _ without _ flying,” Karkat is saying.

You give him a wink that you hope isn’t  _ too _ flirty. “You’re on, bro.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit: the next chapter probably won't be for a while, maybe a week or so, because i'm going to be pretty busy... sorry about that!


	21. and the MAJORITY of pairings had better include me!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow! an update! again, thank you everyone for your patience! (i blame school stuff for taking up so much of my time)
> 
> here’s a super long chapter… enjoy!
> 
> (and yes, yet another named after a karkalicious lyric)

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling  turntechGodhead [TG]

CG: DAVE  
CG: ARE YOU AWAKE  
TG: well now i am  
TG: whats up  
CG: I’VE BEEN THINKING.  
CG: WE SHOULD DO SOMETHING FUN TOGETHER.  
CG: JUST ME AND YOU, AND NOT JOHN.  
CG: AND WE CAN HANG OUT AND DO RANDOM SHIT AND MAYBE TALK ABOUT FEELINGS STUFF IF YOU LIKE.  
TG: lmao karkat are you asking me out  
CG: I AM ABSOLUTELY ASKING YOU OUT. DAVE STRIDER, DO YOU WANT TO GO ON A HUMAN DATE WITH ME?  
TG: wait  
TG: what  
TG: you are  
TG: holy shit  
TG: you  
TG: hold up just what are you proposing  
CG: WE CAN HIT UP THE DREAM BUBBLES OR SOMETHING. WHATEVER YOU LIKE.  
TG: oh my god  
TG: youre not kidding are you  
TG: holy shit karkat do you like me  
TG: like  
TG: actually like me  
TG: karkat  
TG: whered you go dude  
TG: holy fuck man you cant say something like that and then disappear  
TG: wait is this like a real date like a romantic one  
TG: oh god youre actually asking me out like you want to go on an honest to god date with me not like some friendship hangout date thing  
TG: karkat  
TG: karkat where are you answer my goddamn question  
CG: I  
CG: SORRY I’M KIND OF FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW.  
TG: oh big fucking mood  
CG: YEAH.  
CG: SO UH. THAT’S WHAT I WAS THINKING.  
CG: WHAT DO YOU SAY?  
TG: dude  
TG: you didnt answer my question  
CG: YEAH. REAL DATE.  
TG: holy shit  
TG: really  
CG: REALLY  
TG: ok cuz back there when you first asked it kinda sounded like you were joking  
CG: WHY WOULD I BE JOKING?  
TG: god i need to like  
TG: sit down  
TG: i thought you were dating john  
CG: IT’S COMPLICATED.  
TG: wait you didnt break up with him did you  
TG: oh fuck did you  
CG: NO!  
CG: WE’RE STILL HAPPILY TOGETHER IN SOME WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM, BUT IT’S COMPLICATED AND I DON’T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.  
TG: ok  
TG: hold on but why would you ask me out if youre dating john  
CG: ASLKDHFJSAS;KH  
CG: I UNDERSTAND THAT IT’S SOMETIMES DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO THINK OUTSIDE YOUR OWN ASS-BACKWARDS CULTURAL RELATIONSHIP NORMS, BUT YOU DO REALIZE THAT SOMETIMES PEOPLE CHOOSE TO DATE MULTIPLE PEOPLE AT ONCE?  
TG: oh yeah like having a gf on the side  
TG: or a bf in this case  
CG: UHHH... I DON’T THINK SO?  
TG: right cuz youre not cheating on john  
TG: are you  
TG: wait does he know about this  
TG: that you  
TG: you  
CG: YEAH, JOHN KNOWS.  
CG: CAN WE JUST. NOT TALK ABOUT JOHN.  
CG: WOW THAT SOUNDED BAD.  
CG: JOHN’S REALLY FUCKING GREAT AND ALL, BUT I’D RATHER... NOT MAKE THIS MORE COMPLICATED THAN IT HAS TO BE?  
TG: right  
TG: fuck  
TG: ha i never answered your question did i  
TG: do i want to go on a human date with you  
TG: how bout  
TG: fuck yes  
CG: YOU DO?  
TG: dude  
CG: I  
CG: YEAH  
CG: OKAY, LET’S DO THIS  
TG: where doing it man where making this hapen  
CG: DAVE, IF YOU QUOTE YOUR EXCRUCIATINGLY SHITTY COMIC ONE MORE TIME I WILL STRANGLE YOU WITH YOUR OWN BULGE.  
TG: owo getting sexual now are we  
CG: I’M GOING TO HAVE TO ASK YOU TO NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN.  
TG: damn karkat youre so mean  
TG: first i cant reference the literary masterpiece that is sbahj and now i cant even say owo  
TG: youre cramping my style man  
TG: bullshit aside whatre we gonna do on this date  
TG: watch a movie  
CG: YOU KNOW I LOVE MOVIES, BUT PLEASE. WE’VE WATCHED WAY TOO MANY GODDAMN MOVIES. LET’S DO SOMETHING ELSE.  
CG: AT LEAST FOR A SPECIAL OCCASION LIKE THIS.  
TG: oh man its a special occasion  
CG: I WAS THINKING WE COULD TRY AND PREDICT THE NEXT DREAM BUBBLE, AND SET UP SOMETHING AROUND THAT.  
TG: sure  
TG: hey  
TG: we should have a picnic  
CG: A WHAT?  
TG: oh im sorry i meant an outdoors consumption gathering  
CG: YOU MEAN A PREPRANDIAL OUTING?  
TG: oh my god  
TG: you know when you take a bunch of food to a nice spot outdoors in a park or some shit and eat it there  
CG: YEAH, THAT’S A PREPRANDIAL OUTING.  
TG: fuck you were calling it a picnic from now on  
CG: IF YOU WANT TO BE INCORRECT, SURE, GO AHEAD.  
TG: wait why is it preprandial shouldnt it just be prandial  
CG: HOW DO YOU SUDDENLY KNOW WHAT PREPRANDIAL MEANS?  
TG: its an extra special little god tier bonus called a dictionary app  
TG: and it says that preprandial is something that happens before eating a meal  
TG: picnics are preprandial prandial and postprandial the experience of a picnic happens before during and after the meal  
TG: why limit it to preprandial that doesnt even encompass the eating part which is arguably the most essential part of any picnic  
TG: though i guess if its a called a preprandial outing the actual going out part happens before the eating  
TG: but that suggests the outing doesnt include eating at all which is just fundamentally incorrect  
TG: its a shitty synonym for a picnic thats what it is  
CG: IF YOU’RE GOING TO BE THIS INSUFFERABLY PEDANTIC ON THE ACTUAL PICNIC I DON’T THINK I WANT TO DATE YOU ANYMORE.  
TG: aw cmon babe  
CG: WHAT  
TG: shit sorry  
TG: uh  
TG: so  
TG: dream bubbles huh  
TG: we havent had a proper dream bubble in a month or so have we  
TG: not since that freaky clown trolls planet  
TG: man was that a nightmare  
TG: glad john wasnt over here for that  
CG: HOW COME?  
TG: i dont think he likes clowns very much  
CG: OH WAIT, DIDN’T WE RECENTLY HAVE ONE WITH ROSE’S PLANET?  
TG: oh yeah  
TG: that was a pretty quick one though id forgotten  
CG: I HAVE TO SAY, HER PLANET’S A LOT NICER THAN MANY OF THE OTHERS.  
TG: eh  
TG: way too bright for me  
CG: WHAT, EVEN WITH YOUR SHADES?  
TG: why do you think i wear shades all the goddamn time  
TG: other than to look super fuckin cool  
TG: and a bunch of other reasons  
TG: ive got sensitive eyes man  
TG: maybe its a mutant thing  
CG: WHAT??  
TG: yknow  
TG: ive got mutant red eyes youve got mutant red blood  
TG: this is old news dawg  
CG: OH. RIGHT.  
TG: guess we were just made for each other huh  
TG: i mean  
TG: uh  
TG: never mind  
TG: god karkat who wouldve known the second you ask me out the floodgates in my brain open up and all this romantic mushy bullshit comes pouring out  
CG: DON’T WORRY, I FUCKING LOVE ROMANTIC MUSHY BULLSHIT.  
TG: oh yeah forgot i was speaking to the romcom addict himself  
TG: how bout this  
TG: o my dearest karkat you are the light of my life without your love i will surely die  
TG: swoon  
TG: lets get married and have a fuckton of babies  
TG: wait  
TG: were both boys can we even have babies  
TG: idk how troll biology works  
TG: but same sex couples are common on alternia so how do they reproduce  
TG: karkat can you get pregnant  
TG: no wait hold on you use those buckets right  
CG: OH MY GOD.  
TG: dude im kidding  
TG: i dont want to fuck you i just wanna like  
TG: make out a bit  
TG: haha wow that sure is a thing i just typed  
TG: whats up im dave im 14 and i never fuckin learned how to flirt  
TG: all right time to change the subject  
CG: WAIT, DAVE  
TG: nope  
TG: whatever youre about to say dont say it  
TG: the subject is changing remember  
TG: lets talk about  
TG: dream bubbles  
TG: again  
TG: do you know when the next ones coming  
CG: ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID.  
TG: what did i say i didnt say anything  
TG: karkat do you really want to be that one person who keeps harping on one point when the conversations already moved on  
CG: FINE, NEVER MIND THEN.  
CG: IT LOOKS LIKE THERE’S A PRETTY LARGE DREAM BUBBLE THAT’S SCHEDULED TO REACH US IN ABOUT THREE DAYS.  
CG: I TALKED TO ROSE. IT LOOKS LIKE IT CONTAINS MORE SBURB PLANETS, BUT AS ALWAYS THAT’S NOT GUARANTEED. DREAM BUBBLES ARE TRICKY LITTLE BASTARDS.  
TG: wow youve really been thinking about this  
TG: nice  
CG: THANKS, I’VE BEEN PLANNING IT FOR A FEW DAYS.  
TG: wow  
TG: im  
TG: thanks  
TG: for putting all this work into figuring this out  
TG: im sure its gonna be awesome  
TG: fuck dude now youve got me excited i wanna go have a picnic right now  
CG: WHAT, OFF IN SOME DUSTY CORNER OF THE METEOR?  
TG: well yeah  
CG: ABSOLUTELY NOT.  
CG: YOU CAN WAIT THREE DAYS, DAVE. I BELIEVE IN YOU.  
TG: can i really though  
TG: man if i didnt hate time travel so much id jump forward three days  
TG: though thatd probably also fuck up the spacetime continuum or some shit so maybe not  
TG: hey lets just  
TG: stop talking about this  
TG: so i dont get too excited  
CG: I THINK YOU’VE ALREADY FAILED THERE.  
TG: well fuck  
TG: oh hey  
TG: another topic switcheroo  
TG: one thing before i log out of pesterchum and try to forget about this event looming on the horizon  
TG: dont think i ever properly came out to you  
TG: so hey yeah im bi  
CG: YEAH, I FIGURED.  
TG: also trans  
CG: TRANS WHAT?  
TG: trans gender  
TG: god that sounds like something john would say  
CG: I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.  
TG: uh  
TG: its like  
TG: people used to think i was a girl because of my body and shit but im actually a boy  
CG: UH, OK?  
CG: WAS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE SOME KIND OF BIG DEAL SECRET OR SOMETHING?  
TG: idk i guess not  
TG: lots of people would make a big deal of it but tbh im glad you dont  
TG: cuz like im a boy and thats all there is to it  
TG: sure ive got some different experiences than most earth boys but its really not a big deal  
CG: GREAT, I DIDN’T THINK SO.  
CG: SO UM  
CG: SEE YOU AT MOVIE NIGHT TONIGHT?  
TG: of fucking course dude  
TG: its another alternian film right  
CG: YEP.  
TG: sweet  
TG: wait is this the one with lesbians and necromancy  
CG: YEAH, KANAYA RECOMMENDED IT TO ME.  
TG: oh hell yeah  
TG: lookin forward to it  
TG: seeya dude

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering  carcinoGeneticist [CG]

 

*

Your name is Karkat Vantas, and holy shit, you have a date. You can’t believe it. You still haven’t gotten used to the fact that you have a boyfriend, and now it looks like you’re going to have two?? No, no, you’re getting ahead of yourself. Just because someone wants to date you doesn’t mean they want to be in a relationship, right? Fuck, human romance is confusing.

Every time you see Dave now it’s a constant reminder of your feelings, even more so than before—you blush, and he notices and cracks you a knowing smile, which just makes you blush harder. Because you  _ like _ him, dammit, in a weird, oddly human way, and for some reason he likes you too. Does he get the same flutter in his chest whenever he sees you? Has he dreamt about running his hand across your cheek and kissing you? You feel your face grow warm just at the thought of it.

But you don’t bring it up with him verbally, of course. You just go about your life and pretend that you don’t have a new sort of connection with Dave now, whatever it may be.

You decide that the best possible thing to do is to not tell anyone. Because that would be a way to let all your excitement and nervousness out (that’s how emotions work, right?), and you can’t risk getting even more excited, because what if it goes horribly? What if you fuck up like you did with Terezi or John? Well, with John it worked out, by some incredible stroke of luck, but will that happen with Dave too?

You end up caving and telling John. It’s just a passing “hey, I’m going on a date with Dave tomorrow,” but his eyes light up with excitement at the news. If he’s jealous in any way, he doesn’t show it, just showers you in congratulations. You can’t help feeling like you don’t deserve it.

Finally, you know the day is here when you wake up to a cry of  _ “Dream bubble approaching!!” _ from the janky meteor intercom system that Vriska set up a month or so ago. Panic rushes through your brain, and you leap out of bed, ignoring the stiffness that’s accompanied waking up ever since your recuperacoon ran out of slime. Shit, shit, you might have minutes,  _ seconds _ before the dream bubble hits, and you’re not prepared at all—

You shuffle on a clean set of clothing (no way are you going on a date in your pajamas), all the while eying the edges of the room for any warping or shifting in the fabric of spacetime. The basket of food you alchemized yesterday is sitting in the middle of the floor, and you snatch it before the incoming dream bubble can swallow it up. Then, deciding you should probably clean up a bit, you wash your face and brush your hair and teeth. You grab your phone, doing a final sweep of the room, then head out.

The space beyond the door of your block is not, in fact, the dull, grey hall of the meteor. It’s a landscape with rolling hills, lime-green ruins, and magenta streams, all under a pulsing teal sky. You’ve been here before—the Land of Thought and Flow, Terezi’s planet in the Medium. You feel like you didn’t appreciate it properly when you were in the game, so now you allow yourself a couple seconds to just stare at the view, taking it in. It’s so much nicer than your planet; you remember feeling pretty jealous.

You snap out of it. You have a date to get to.

After about ten minutes of frantic searching, you find Dave sitting atop one of the ruins. His entirely red outfit makes him fairly easy to spot, and he jumps down when he sees you, cape flaring out behind him in a way that, you have to admit, is extremely attractive. Your stomach clenches in apprehension, but you ignore it, running over to him.

Dave stops a couple feet in front of you, seeming unsure of whether he should come closer or take a step back. “Hey.”

You open your mouth to say something stupid or snarky or possibly insulting, but you’re not in the mood for that right now. So you just sort of stand there like an idiot and nod a bit as if you know what you’re doing.

“So, let’s get this party started, huh?” He gestures you back towards the ruins, and you follow. It looks like a bunch of run-down columns, arranged in a rectangle, with a tiled floor and half of a roof. The yellow color is bright, but not overwhelmingly so. The way the structure is laid out gives the two of you relative privacy, but still allows you to look out across the landscape of Terezi’s planet. Dave’s spread a blanket across a lot of the floor, and it looks like he’s brought his own outing basket as well.

“Awesome,” you say, sitting down on the blanket and crossing your legs. It’s thick enough that it prevents the uneven tiles from feeling too uncomfortable. Dave plops down beside you, then begins rummaging through his basket, finally producing two juice boxes. He tosses one to you.

“Apple juice,” you read.

“Fuck yeah. Thought we’d start with a classic. And” —he goes digging through the basket again— “chips.”

He gives you a bag, and you hold it gingerly. “The fuck are these made of?”

“Potato? What, you want kale chips or some shit?”

“Oh.” You eye the image on the front. “Figured you wouldn’t have bug chips. Too bad.”

Dave does a double take. “Bug chips.”

“Uh, yeah? Like dried bugs? Crunchy?”

“Crunchy,” he repeats, evidently enjoying the taste of the word in his mouth. “Wild. Got any?”

You blink, then remember you’re talking to the person who licked the floor on a dare. “Uh… no? I just brought pizza and shit… stuff I thought would agree with your weak alien non-grub-tolerant stomach—”

“Excuse me? I’ll have you know I once ate nothing but beef jerky for two days.”

“That doesn’t have anything to do with my point, assface!”

“Yeah it does? I’m accustomed to weird eating habits?”

“Yeah, but eating beef jerking or whatever the fuck for two days straight is literally the opposite of trying new foods! And since you’ve never tried—”

Dave looks you right in the eyes and says, “Bold of you to assume I’ve never eaten a bug, Karkat.”

You briefly consider a retort, then decide not to ask. Instead, you give him an affectionate scowl and pull out the cheese pizza you’ve alchemized. Pizza, it seems, is another universal constant. Since you woke up pretty late, it’s basically breakfast. You wish you’d warmed it up before you brought it, but Dave doesn’t seem to mind the stale-leftovers vibe.

The two of you sit in silence for a minute, munching on your pizza. Dave opens the chips, puts a couple of them on his pizza slice, then shoves about half of it in his mouth. You sip at the apple juice. It’s not your favorite, but Dave would probably never speak to you again if you told him you didn’t like it.

Should you be… talking or something? Is that what you’re supposed to do on dates? Suddenly your entire wealth of romcom-acquired knowledge on human courtship rituals has escaped your think pan. Fuck, what if you’re doing it completely wrong? At least Dave looks content with his chip-pizza monstrosity.

You’re thinking up small talk topics when Dave suddenly reaches into his basket and produces a small speaker, which he connects to his phone. You put down your juice, interested.

He clears his throat. “I’ve been, uh. Making some stuff.”

“Music?”

“What else did you think I was gonna use the speaker for? Excessive bodily force poetry?”

You snort. Of course he remembers the troll word for that. “What kind of music?”

“Electronic shit. Mostly sick beats. Been experimenting with some chiptune too.” He shrugs, as if it’s no big deal, but you both know it is—he’s never shown his music to you before, and you are more than excited to hear it.

“Cool.”

Dave adjusts the volume on the speaker, then presses play on the track on his phone. It sounds like a progression of synth chords with a pretty nice beat on top of it. It’s simple and steady, and doesn’t change around a lot until the middle, where it seems to get a bit more upbeat. You listen to all four minutes and twenty seconds (of course Dave must’ve cut it to be exactly that length). Dave seems to be holding his breath the entire time.

“What do you think?” he asks quietly when it’s over.

“Really good,” you tell him, and you mean it. You may not know shit about music, but you, at least, like it a lot. “Does it have a title?”

“Uh, yeah. ‘Upward Movement.’”

“Nice.”

He scrolls through his phone, purposefully not looking up at you. “I… made one for you.”

Your heart skips a beat. “A song??”

“Yeah. Um. It’s called ‘Crustacean,’ cause like, crabs. Fucking stupid name, I know, but—”

“Shut up, I wanna hear it.”

He plays it, cheeks going ever so slightly pink. Okay, so this was what he was talking about when he said he’d been experimenting with chiptune—the track wouldn’t sound out of place in a video game. It’s waltz-like and almost cheerful, with pretty high notes, and it’s maybe half the length of the first.

“I love it,” you say.

“Cool.” Dave’s full-on blushing now, but manages to give you a smile. “I’m glad.”

“Have you made any more?”

“Yeah, some.” He doesn’t elaborate. You figure he’ll show you when he’s ready.

“Honestly? That’s really impressive.”

“Thanks.”

The two of you settle into silence once more. You finish your juice, and try one of Dave’s chips. You’re surprised how much you like them. Dave puts away his speaker, fidgeting with the edges of the blanket.

“Hey,” he says suddenly. “Let’s play a game.”

“Uh, what sort of game?”

He shrugs. “Dunno. Something to get us talking.”

Shit, so he noticed it too. But given how talkative the two of you normally are, it’s hard not to feel like something’s missing. You figure that the fact that this is a date is making you scared to say anything; you don’t want to fuck up. Normally you’re okay with saying whatever random shit comes to mind, but not today. Today has to be perfect.

“We could do a lighting round of questions,” Dave suggests.

“What?”

“Like, I ask you a shit ton of questions and you answer them all really quickly.”

“What kinds of questions?”

“Anything. Doesn’t really matter. It’s more like a get-to-know-you activity, but I figured it’d be fun here too.”

“Sure,” you say. You wouldn’t feel comfortable playing this with someone like Vriska, but at least you know Dave’s not going to pry into all your repressed childhood memories or whatever.

“Cool.” He rubs his hands together. “Right, let’s get this pot sizzling. What… is your favorite color.”

“I don’t have one.”

“Dude.”

“It’s not all that outrageous, okay?? On Alternia, colors aren’t just colors; they’re tied into blood castes—you can’t just say—”

“Yeah, yeah, but just like, aesthetically. Which do you like most?”

“Uh.” You consider this. “Green’s pretty cool, I guess.”

“Nice. Okay. Next question. Favorite movie.”

“Not fair!”

“Gotta pick one.”

“No I don’t. Next question.”

Dave thinks for a minute. “Grossest human food.”

“Treacle.”

“What the fuck?”

“It’s sickly sweet and the texture is weird. If you’re an avid treacle fan, I’m so sorry, but that shit is disgusting.”

“No, I literally don’t know what that is.”

“It’s like, brown and syrupy.”

“Wild. Okay. Worst movie trope.”

“Again, you expect me to pick one?” Dave gives you a pointed look, and you sigh. “Fine, I guess I really hate all the lowbloods-are-stupid shit in mainstream Alternian romcoms.”

“Worst movie trope that isn’t objectively bad, you just don’t like it.”

Damn, you have to think about that one for a second. “Uh… ashen/pitch vacillation really bugs me for some reason? I just think it’s the least interesting type of vacillation—like if you’re gonna put that in a movie, at least make it pale/pitch or something.”

“Weirdest shoes you would wear unironically.”

“I don’t know shit about shoes?? What kind of question is that?”

“Would you rather drink a whole-ass bottle of hot sauce or make out with Vriska for ten minutes?”

“Hot sauce. I don’t know what that is, but like hell I’m making out with Vriska.”

“You sure, bro? Hot sauce’s really fucking gross.”

“Completely sure.”

“Understandable. Is cereal soup?”

“Uh, no??”

“You’re wrong, but okay. How would you most want to go god tier?”

How is he thinking up all these questions so fast?? “I… don’t know. Maybe die while saving someone or doing some heroic shit like that? Doesn’t even matter, though, since I’m never gonna go god tier anyway.”

Dave doesn’t respond. You can tell he regrets asking. “Right. Uh. You wanna go now?”

“Sure?” You shift your position, wracking your think pan for some interesting questions. “Favorite color?”

“Dude.” Dave holds out his arms, as if to say,  _ just look at me. _ “What do you think.”

“Shit, yeah, right.” Fuck, you can’t think of anything. You decide to go a little deeper than he did. “What’s your favorite memory from Earth?”

Dave starts; he wasn’t expecting that. It takes him a second to respond. “Meeting John for the first time was pretty cool, I guess.”

You want to ask him to say more, but figure that the point of this game is to go as quick as possible, so you don’t. “If your aspect wasn’t Time, what would you want it to be?”

“Ooh.” He considers this. “Dunno. Most of them would be better than Time, honestly, but I dunno if any other aspect would fit me. Void would be pretty dope—it’s all about mystery and shit, right. Bet a Knight of Void would have sick powers. Hope, too, though like hell I’d ever be a Hope player.”

“I can kinda see you as a Heart player,” you say before you can stop yourself. Fuck the rules; you want to have a conversation. “It’s about… identity and self-image I think?”

“Huh,” is all Dave says. “Got another question?”

“Would you rather be too hot or too cold?”

“I’m used to heat. My planet’s literally called the Land of Heat and Clockwork; I’ve gotta be okay with heat.”

Makes sense. “Would you rather have telepathy or telekinesis?”

“Telekinesis. Wouldn’t want to snoop into other people’s minds.”

“What’s your biggest regret?”

“I—” Dave stops. Okay, maybe you shouldn’t have asked that. “Shit, dude, I don’t know? I’ve done a lot of things I regret, but the biggest? I wanna say playing Sburb, but it wasn’t my choice, it’s not like I couldn’t have done that, it’d just be a paradox… and I’d be lying if I said nothing good’s happened to me since that one fateful day. Like, I dunno. I met you.”

You want to respond, but have no idea how. Man, that was way more candid than you were expecting.

“Thanks,” you say finally.

Dave nods absent-mindedly. “Next question?”

“Have you ever kissed anyone?”

The question slips out before you can properly consider it. Fuck, no, why did you say that—you were thinking about generic party game questions, but that’s not what you—

Dave quirks an eyebrow. “You know I kissed John at that sleepover a while ago. You were there.”

“Right.” Okay, dammit, you’re actually curious now. You feel your face getting warm. “Have you ever, like… kissed someone you wanted to kiss? Er, kissed someone not for a dare, or for bringing someone back to life, or whatever—”

“Nope.”

“Would you like to?”

Dave just stares at you, a tiny smile on his lips, and you know exactly how he interpreted your question. Your heart is hammering. Shit, you didn’t mean it like that—well, maybe you did, just a little bit, actually a lot, but—

“Would  _ you _ like to?” he echoes.

Jegus, you know exactly where this is going, and you can’t stop it now. “Yeah,” you say, hoping your voice doesn’t betray any of the emotions battling in your head.

“Okay,” says Dave. He pushes himself up onto his knees, takes your face in his trembling hands, and kisses you.

It’s over before your panic-addled think pan can even recognize what just happened. All you know is that one minute Dave was sitting across from you, the next he’s much closer, fingers trailing across your cheeks, the sensation of his lips still burning on yours.

“Like that?” he asks quietly.

“Yeah,” you whisper, and lean in to kiss him again before you can change your mind. Your noses bump together. It’s nice, slow, awkward, and fairly hesitant (you’re amazed your perpetual anxiety is even letting you do something like this), but you push away the voice in your brain that’s telling you this is wrong, you can’t be flushed for two people at once, you’re a fucking freak—and just focus on Dave, his lips, and his hands, and his warm breath. He tastes like apple juice, and it’s sweeter than you ever could have imagined.

It’s different from kissing John, but you can’t quite articulate why. John kisses you like it’s a new experience for him every time, like he wants to get as much out of it as possible. Dave—how can you describe it? Dave kisses you like it’s something he’s not supposed to be doing, but he’s doing it anyway, because fuck heteronormativity and stupid societal expectations. You can practically feel his nervousness, but he persists anyway.

You don’t want to break apart, but you do, because you don’t think you can handle any more of this without spontaneously combusting.

“Wow,” says Dave after a second. “That sure is a thing we just did.”

You flush a deeper grey. “Sure is.”

He runs his palms down your cheeks again, and you feel your overwhelming knot of emotions subside a little at the pseudo-pap. “You… wanna do it again?”

“Maybe later,” you murmur, raising your arm and covering one of his hands with your own.

“Okay.” He lowers his hands, placing them in his lap. “Fuck. I just kissed a boy.”

“Yeah. You did.”

“Well. Time to never think about that again.”

“What? Why?”

Dave makes a sort of chuckling noise. “What, you think I’m actually going to be sincere about my feelings instead of bottling them up and chucking them into a corner in the back of my brain I’ve helpfully labelled ‘Dave’s Overwhelming And/Or Socially Unacceptable Emotion Pile’? Put ‘Karkat Feelings’ next to ‘Davesprite Feelings’ and ‘Bro Feelings’ and ‘Repressed Trauma’ and ‘Internalized Homo/Transphobia’?”

“Well… you’re being pretty sincere right now.”

“Yeah, I guess.” He sighs, and for the first time today he actually looks tired. “Fuck. This was supposed to be a date, not a feelings jam.”

“It can be a feelings jam, if you want.”

He shakes his head. “Nah, I’ll deal with it later. For now, uh.” Despite his shades, you can tell he’s looking at your mouth. “What are we even gonna do now?”

You want to talk through your relationship like you did with John—are you boyfriends or something now?? —but you feel like that’s the last thing Dave wants to do at the moment. You’ll figure it out later, you suppose. Instead, you take a leaf out of John’s book and ask, “Can I hold your hand?”

“Fuck yeah,” says Dave, and he grasps your hand in his. It’s a little sweaty, but you don’t mind.

“We should probably finish off this food.” You gesture to the remains of the picnic with your free hand.

“Oh. Right.”

“And… maybe listen to some more music?”

“Yeah, sure.” Dave fishes the speaker out of his basket again, then grabs the almost-empty bag of chips and offers you one. “So what do you think? How’s this for a first date?”

You smile. “Not bad at all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i wrote that whole thing about the troll word for picnics right? well, since then, i have been graciously informed that trolls actually call picnics “lawnmeals.” which is incredibly boring compared to “preprandial outing.” no way am i changing it though… creative license!!!
> 
> no idea when the next update is gonna be—i’ve already written a bunch of the next few chapters, but i added some unexpected twists and turns to the plot that i’m not entirely solid on just yet, so i might have to wait a bit and see how the story flows together.
> 
> oh yeah, one more thing—feel free to hit me up on tumblr! https://universefrog.tumblr.com/


	22. choices made in the past and the future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so this is a pretty weird chapter! i was definitely not expecting this chapter to go in the direction that it did, but then it just happened... funny how that works huh
> 
> content warning for themes of anxiety - putting that out there just in case

Your name is John Egbert, and you are a bit frustrated about the ways that certain relationships of yours are going. Just a little bit. Enough to feel slightly peeved ever so often, but not enough to make you angry in any capacity.

You love Karkat. You love to spend time with him and talk about random shit and sometimes play video games or cuddle in a pile of pillows. When he tells you that his date with Dave was “really great,” you feel an immense surge of pride. But there’s still something there, underneath the surface, that’s bothering you in a way that you can’t describe.

Maybe it’s that your relationship feels stagnant. As you get more comfortable with each other, shouldn’t you be doing, like… more stuff? You’ve barely kissed him since that one day you decided to call yourselves boyfriends, and while it feels like it should be otherwise, that makeout session on the couch was, for now, a one-time thing. And lately, even your feelings jams are seeming more distant. Maybe you just don’t have that much to talk about? And it’s not like any of this is  _ bad, _ really—and it’ll probably correct itself in time, right?

It doesn’t help that there’s a part of you that wants to blame yourself for all this. Maybe if you were a better boyfriend—maybe if you could work up the courage again to have another honest discussion about the future of your relationship—things would be better in some capacity? You remember when you first became moirails, when you realized just how deep Karkat’s feelings for you ran, and it seemed like nothing you could do would ever be able to satisfy him. Is that the problem now? Does Karkat feel it too? Does he blame you for—well, for any of it?

You bottle those feelings up and push them out of your mind. That’s enough unwarranted anxiety for now.

*

A couple days after Dave and Karkat’s date, you’re sitting in Can Town with Dave, and you decide to ask him about it. Because you’re curious. Because Karkat didn’t go into detail. Not because you’re a little jealous—not even a tiny bit.

“It was good,” says Dave absentmindedly, peeling a faded label off a can.

“What happened?”

“We had a picnic. Talked about food and music and stuff.” His focus is entirely on the can; you can tell he’s pointedly not looking at you. His cheeks are pink. “And I, uh. I kissed him. Which was nice.”

A jolt of adrenaline rushes through your chest. Okay, Karkat  _ definitely _ didn’t tell you about that. Which is understandable! You get wanting to keep stuff like that to yourself! But you are totally going to have to nag Karkat about this later. You want  _ all _ the details.

“That’s awesome!” you cry.

He smiles slightly. “Yeah.”

It’s only after that conversation that you begin to really notice how Dave and Karkat have been interacting recently. It’s almost like—no, it’s absolutely like—they’re too embarrassed to talk with each other. Well, not quite that drastic, but anything beyond small talk is out. It’s not enough to affect your hangouts, or movie nights with the three of you, but it looks like Dave’s relationship with Karkat is just as static as yours.

And it’s only after you realize that that you finally figure out what’s missing between you and Karkat. It’s Dave. Dave is missing. You’ve been holding back because you’re afraid of leaving Dave out, which is stupid, you know, and you already promised yourselves you wouldn’t let that sort of mindset stop you, but the fact of the matter is that you, Dave, and Karkat do so much together that it doesn’t feel right to have something that excludes one of you.

It doesn’t help that no matter how much you try to shake it off (for Karkat’s sake or for your own? you don’t know), you’re still achingly in love with your best friend.

*

One day, when you zap back to the meteor after a particularly fun movie night (you watched Mulan, which Dave, against all odds, ended up absolutely loving), Jade confronts you with a gleeful grin that makes your stomach turn upside down.

“Oh my god!! John!! Why didn’t you tell me you were dating Karkat???”

_ Shit. _ You open your mouth, searching for a response that isn’t entirely stupid. Jade’s smile widens at the sight of you fumbling around, dumbstruck.

“I,” you start, “didn’t want to, uh. Make a big deal of it?”

She laughs. “It’s okay! I get why you would want to keep it private. But… Karkat, huh?”

“Yep. Karkat.”

“Not Dave?”

“It’s complicated,” you say, instead of  _ I like both of them equally because I’m just that gay. _

“Wow.” She actually looks kind of impressed. “I honestly never would’ve guessed it! Yeah, I know you and Karkat are friends, but….” She shrugs. “Davesprite told me.”

Ah. That explains it, then. You are going to have some words with that feathery bastard. “What!!”

“We were talking about stuff, and it came up!”

“What kind of stuff??”

It’s Jade’s turn to be flustered. She gives you a sheepish smile. “Uhh… we were just coming up with ships for the people on the meteor! Like Rose and Kanaya, Vriska and Terezi, Dave and Karkat… but Davesprite said that wouldn’t work because  _ you _ were already dating Karkat, so… yeah!”

You laugh along with her, and don’t mention that Dave is technically dating Karkat as well.

*

It occurs to you one day that Karkat has never been to the ship. Which is quite an oversight on your part—Dave and Rose have seen it, so why shouldn’t he? Karkat’s eyes light up when you mention the idea, so one afternoon, you teleport him over.

“Jegus,” is the first thing he says as you stumble to rest against his shoulder, the wave of fatigue hitting you instantly. “You really weren’t kidding when you said it was bright yellow.”

“Sorry! It’s kind of intense at first, I know.”

“No, no, it’s fine.” Karkat’s brow furrows, and he looks at you. “Does this always happen?”

“What?”

“You look really tired.”

“Oh.” You try to laugh it off, but at the mention, your stomach twists into a knot. You’ve been trying not think about your all-too-common retcon power exhaustion—just another source of the anxiety that’s been gnawing on and off at the back of your brain. “Yes, that just happens when I zap over sometimes.” All the time. And even if you’ve gotten used to it, the last time it got marginally better was months ago.

“Right,” says Karkat, and he nods, but the concern still lingers on his face. He shakes his head and changes the subject. “You said you had all your planets here, right?”

“Yeah?”

His cheeks grow a little darker. “I… was kinda hoping I could visit your planet? It looked pretty cool.”

“Oh! Yeah, definitely!” Man, you haven’t been to your planet in forever—not since you went down to fetch the stock of DVDs from your house when you started watching movies with Dave and Karkat. You pull him down the hall, into the living room, where Jade is sitting, reading something on her laptop. She turns around when she hears you, her eyes instantly going to you and Karkat’s interlaced hands. Karkat’s blush deepens, but he doesn’t let go of you.

“Can you take us down to LOWAS?” you ask as nonchalantly as possible.

Jade grins, removing the blue-grey planet from her sylladex and twirling it around between her fingers. “Sure! Nice to see you, Karkat!” She gives him a conspicuous wink, then points a finger at the two of you.

There’s a flash of writhing green energy, and you and Karkat are standing at the foot of the spire that supports your house in the Land of Wind and Shade. The ground is as cool and blue as ever, and the cyan mushrooms give off a soft glow that makes you feel nostalgic, but you’re not sure for what, exactly. You really haven’t been here very much in this timeline, have you—you spent more time on LOWAS on the pre-retcon ship journey, passing the time by exploring the land even more. You should definitely come here again sometime soon—it’s nice to have an entire planet to yourself sometimes.

“Wow,” says Karkat beside you.

You squeeze his hand, and lead him across the rocks. For the most part, they’re smooth, forming a cerulean pathway that winds around the trees (are they trees? you never really figured that out) and abnormally large fungi. Damn, this is bringing back memories—that spot right there is where you killed a particularly bothersome imp—and there, that pyxis, you sent tons of messages through that! Soon enough, the two of you come to a stone outcropping—the edge of a cliff, beyond which it seems like the entire planet is spread out before you.

Once your footsteps cease, it’s silent—the only sound is the omnipresent Breeze, that ruffles your hair a little. Karkat rests his head on your shoulder, and your heart quickens. Okay, you guess this is what you’re doing now—standing here, hand in hand, admiring the view. You guess that’s a pretty romantic thing to do.

You sweep your eyes across the landscape, gaze falling on a pond of oil. The sense of idyllic calm that was beginning to settle over you vanishes. That’s right—the oil’s still here, the fireflies are still trapped underneath the clouds, and in this timeline, you never talked to Typheus.

Could you do it now? asks a little voice in your brain. March up to the Denizen’s palace and ask him, once again, to help you control your powers?

A sense of dread settles in your stomach, cold and unwelcome in what should be a tranquil moment. What if he knows about your powers already? Can he somehow communicate with alt-timeline Typheus? Wait, was it  _ him _ who made the mistake when the timeline reset—who gave you remnants of the previous reality that you weren’t supposed to have? Was it on purpose? You’ve been thinking of the timeline as an entity in and of itself, responsible for your pre-retcon memories and the powers you’ve come to rely on so heavily—but what if Typheus himself is to blame? You wouldn’t put it past him—in fact, given how much he’s understood about you in the past (or was it a future that never happened?), you’re almost sure he has at least some knowledge of it.

Your thoughts begin to spiral. You know where his palace is. You know how to wake him up. You could do it right now. You could ask him all your questions. And maybe you could even learn how to teleport without draining so much of your energy….

But what would he say? What if it  _ was _ a mistake? What if he wants to correct that mistake? Take away your powers and your memories and isolate you from your friends once more? No, no, no, that can’t happen, you won’t let that happen! You feel yourself starting to shake, eyes still trained on the oil in front of you, thick and black and suffocating.

“John,” comes Karkat’s worried voice, as if from far off, “are you okay?”

You almost can’t hear him. In your mind, valves open around you with a horrid metal clank, and the oil comes rushing out. It pools around your feet, trapping you in place, and it keeps coming, pressing at your legs and your chest and your throat, spilling into your mouth and nose, constricting your breath, and you try to focus your mind and focus your powers and imagine it all going away—

“What the fuck??” Karkat sounds positively frightened now, and you begin to realize that you’re gripping his hand way too hard. “Is—is the oil supposed to be glowing like that??”

It’s… it’s working?

You hadn’t realized your sudden, unexpected flashback would have an effect on the real world, but sure enough, every drop and puddle and river and lake of oil is glowing bright white, electrified by the same blue energy that accompanies your jumps through paradox space. Your brain is screaming, but, as in that moment when you were about to drown in the rivers of oil, the same strange focus comes to you, and you concentrate on the glowing mass before you, and….

…disperse it.

The last thing you see before you pass out is a stretch of completely clean, blue land, and Karkat’s amazed, enraptured face.

*

When you come to, you’re lying on the ground, hard stone pressing into your back. Your head is throbbing; it feels like it’s about to crack under the pressure of a thousand pounds of rock. You groan, blinking open your bleary eyes. Ten salamanders, Nannasprite (where the hell did she come from?), and Karkat stare back at you.

“Holy shit,” says Karkat, and he offers a sweaty hand to help you sit up, then flings his arms around your neck and pulls you into a desperate kiss. Bewildered, you let yourself go slack, and lean into him until he pulls away, looking at you with a combination of relief and frustration.

“John!” he cries. “What the fuck was that??”

“I, uh… made the oil go away?”

“Just cause you felt like it? Just on a whim? Oh, yeah, I’m taking my boyfriend on a tour of my planet, better fucking zap all the oil into oblivion so he doesn’t trip on a stray fungal growth and fall ass-first into a sticky black river? Never mind that it’ll make me pass out for forty fucking minutes and scare the everloving shit out of him?”

You chuckle feebly. You want to try to stand up, but like hell Karkat’s letting you out of his protective embrace. “Believe me, I didn’t plan on that at all! I just… coming back here reminded me of something.”

“Yeah? Of a sudden overwhelming urge to purge every drop of—”

“I had a bit of a flashback,” you admit, “to, ah… of something kinda bad that happened to me in the other timeline. And it just triggered my powers, and….”

You stop. The magnitude of what you’ve done is crashing over you—you’ve successfully transported not one person, not two people, but a  _ fuckton of oil _ that covers a good portion of the planet—and scattered it throughout reality just like you did last time. And you only passed out for forty minutes. Is this a sign that your powers are getting easier to control? Or is the oil easier to move because Jade shrunk the planet? But she shrunk you too—what sort of effect would that have? Or maybe Typheus even designed the oil to be transported like that…

Oh, shit, this is not something Typheus can ignore, is it. If he didn’t know about your powers before, he must know now. You’re a step farther on the way to completing your Quest, and it feels like you’ve cheated.

That single thought opens the floodgates in your mind, and more anxious thoughts come rushing into your brain like rivers of dark oil. In the previous timeline, you chose to accept Typheus’ challenge: free yourself from the oil, gain mastery over your powers—but he’d told you that your Choice would somehow inflict the same loss you felt upon your loved ones. You hadn’t thought much of it—anything would have been better than where you and Roxy were, in a timeline where nearly everyone you knew was dead—but what did that mean, in the long run? What did it mean for this timeline? What kind of loss was he talking about?

You don’t belong in this timeline. Something got fucked up along the way, and now you’re here. You don’t suppose it would take much to remove you—transport you, kill you, simply delete you—and then your friends would be isolated once more, with no path between the strange pockets of spacetime they inhabit.

“John,” says Karkat quietly, “what’s up?”

You snap out of it, and realize that your eyes are full of tears.

“Timeline shit,” you mutter, but that isn’t half of it. You don’t know how to begin to explain it, especially not to Karkat. So you just rest your chin on his shoulder, and he hugs you, making shooshing sounds and running his hand down your back.

Typheus is asleep. He can’t have woken up so early, can he?

When you open your eyes and look up, vision blurry, you see Nannasprite floating a couple feet in front of you, sporting the same mischievous smile you know so well. Oh, shit, she definitely saw you kissing Karkat, didn’t she. Your cheeks flush, and she laughs softly.

“Maybe we could come back here some other time?” Karkat is saying. “When you’re more up for it?”

You nod into his shoulder, pulling out your phone to tell Jade you’re ready to come back up. Your hands shake slightly. Yeah, you don’t want to be here anymore. Typheus controls this planet, and who knows what he could do to you if you stay in his domain a second longer? And besides—maybe you’ll feel better when you’re on the ship again.

You put Typheus out of your thoughts. You’re trying to deal with so much other stuff right now—a possible curse from a god monster is the last thing you want to think about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm mostly done with the next chapter too, so that should be coming soon...


	23. slumber party panic pt. 2: electric boogaloo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh man guys this was definitely one of my fave chapters to write… i hope it’s just as fun to read!
> 
> (also this is now the longest single thing i’ve ever written, which is super wild)

Your name is Dave Strider, and you, too, are not exactly 100% satisfied with your current relationships, but you’re willing to let that go because  _ you’re getting there. _ Sure, you haven’t had a private, candid, one-on-one conversation with Karkat in a week, and you might just be avoiding him because your stomach does a somersault every time you lay eyes on him, but it’s only awkward on a surface level—it’s not the visceral discomfort that grew between John and Karkat when John first came to the meteor. Sometimes your eyes will meet his, and you’ll share a secret, embarrassed smile—like hey! I like you and you like me! And we kissed! And I’d like to do it again but am way too scared to ask! (Well. Maybe that last one’s just you.)

But at the same time, you can tell that there’s something up with John. His crush on you is painfully obvious, and you don’t know if he even realizes it. Every longing glance in your direction sends a pang through your own heart that you don’t know how to explain. There’s something else too, though—a kind of latent anxiety visible behind his eyes that’s developed in the past week or so. You kind of want to ask about it, but, as always, have no idea how.

You eventually decide that the best thing to do is to spend some time with him. Who knows, maybe that’ll cheer him up a little?

Not because you  _ like _ him or anything. Just because you’re a great bro.

*

You approach John one day after a movie night, when Karkat has left and it’s just the two of you in the room. John’s eyes are fixed on the disk in his hands, which he’s busy putting back into the DVD container. You linger around, stuffing your hands in your pockets and trying to look casual.

“Are you going back to the ship now?” you ask finally.

He looks up. “Yeah. Did you want me to stay—?”

“Nah, I was just wondering if I could come back with you.”

John’s eyes widen, and you realize that to his ears, your request may have sounded like  _ can I come over and stay the night with you. _ “Oh! Sure!”

“I wanted to grab some DVDs and stuff from my house,” you clarify, and succeed in not blushing. It’s not a lie—it’d be cool to have those DVDs on hand—but you don’t know how to just straight-up tell him that you want to hang out.

“Okay, cool.” He sticks out his hand, then reconsiders, looking you up and down in an attempt to find the least gay way in which he could touch you.

You grab his hand, and he freezes. “Dude, it’s okay.”

John just laughs nervously, then closes his eyes and furrows his brows. A flash of light, and you’re standing on the deck of the ship. Fuck, you’d forgotten how bright yellow it was.

John staggers, gripping your shoulder for support, then straightens up and immediately drops your hand. It’s a fatigue that you’ve seen on his face way too many times before, and each time it gets a little more concerning. Is it harder to make the jump with you because he’s more used to Jade?

“Um.” He looks at you, apologetic. “I… might not be able to take you back for a while.”

You nod; you’d been anticipating that. “It’s cool. We can hang out for an hour or so.”

“Sure,” says John, but his face tells you that it’s going to be longer than an hour. Oh well—if need be, you can just sleep in your house on your planet. But you’d rather not do that; being there alone would surely bring back bad memories.

You follow him around the ship for awhile, looking for Jade so she can take you down to LOHAC. She’s nowhere to be seen.

“Does she have a room?” you ask.

“No, she usually just sleeps on her planet.”

You enter what you think is a kind of living room, and sure enough, Jade’s tennis-ball sized planet is floating over the table, alongside all the others. John sighs loudly.

“Dammit!”

“Can you text her or something?”

He pulls out his phone, types for a couple seconds, then waits. There’s no reply.

“She must be asleep already,” he mutters.

“It’s fine, we can do it some other time.”

“I guess,” he replies, but he still looks dejected.

The planets catch your eye again—how did Jade made them float like that? The Land of Frost and Frogs is looking a little less frosty than usual, you notice. And then there’s John’s planet—you sort of remember it having a marbled pattern of blue, grey, and black, but all the black is missing. That was oil, right?

“Where’d all the oil go?” you wonder aloud, and holy shit, you did not expect John’s eyebrows to skyrocket like that.

“Yeah, uh, funny story, that….” He laughs, nervous, fingering the tail of his hood. “I… accidentally removed all of it?”

“Wild,” you say, and make a mental note not to mention it again. “Feeling up for taking me back, or…?”

“Not really,” is his predictable answer. “Sorry.”

“Guess I could just crash on the couch here.”

John nods absentmindedly, then stops, a sheepish grin forming on his face. “Hey… we could have a sleepover!”

A sleepover? With just the two of you? Sounds like John’s idea of heaven. But he’s your bro, and this is the perfect excuse to spend a little more time with him.

“Hell yeah, let’s do it. Got any sleeping bags?”

“Uh… not on the ship. Hang on, let’s go to my room.”

He leads you down the hall and into his chosen room. That’s right, you remember it now from the tour Jade gave you a while ago—it’s small and cozy, with a bed (you’re not sure if it’s alchemized or not) and a little desk where John’s put his laptop. There are various posters on the wall, giving the space a lot more John Energy. You…  _ think _ there’d be room in here for another bed? Or a couch, or something?

John scrutinizes the space with a thoughtful look. “Actually, maybe the living room would be better, if we can move some of the couches.”

The next thirty minutes are spent trying to find some configuration of beds, couches, and/or pillows that would work for an impromptu sleepover. You pretty quickly realize that the couches are way too heavy to move. You enlist the help of Davesprite, but it just doesn’t work. Not for the first time, you wish Jade was here to assist you in your furniture relocation efforts. You also realize you can’t alchemize anything; all your alchemy equipment is back on your planets, which are currently inaccessible. A fairly extensive search of the ship yields no blankets or large pillows, to your disappointment. But it’s a Prospitian war vessel; it’s not like you really expected there to be any.

You keep insisting that you can just sleep on one of the couches, or he can, it’s no big deal, your cape serves as a pretty nice blanket, but John flat-out refuses. It’s pretty clear that he’s growing more tired (and therefore more stubborn) by the minute.

“It’s not a proper sleepover if we’re that far away from each other!” he insists, and you have to agree.

You finally gather up the courage to ask him about his increasingly antsy nature, the current manifestation of the anxiety you’ve noticed growing on his face. Just a simple “hey, what’s up? You worried about something?” in the most casual tone you can muster. He says “timeline stuff,” and doesn’t meet your eyes, and you decide that you probably don’t want to know.

When the two of you go back into John’s room for the umpteenth time, and you swear you can see bags forming under his eyes in real time, a possibility for the sleeping arrangements occurs to you that almost makes you laugh out loud.

“Dude,” you say, “your bed is big enough for both of us.”

John’s face cycles through approximately ten different emotions before it finally settles on  _ panic. _ “Um! You know, it doesn’t have to be a sleepover. That… was a random thought. This is all really impromptu, sorry! You can take the bed if you like, or the couch, or wherever—”

Fuck, John, stop deluding yourself, you know you want to share the goddamn bed. And if you’re being honest, you’re a little excited about the possibility yourself. But you decide not to say that, or even think about that. Instead, you shrug. “Suit yourself. But beds are better than couches. And I’m cool with it. We’re bros,” you add, to sprinkle a little  _ no homo _ into the situation.

John blinks, and allows a little hope to creep into his anxious expression. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah, of course.”

He nods, staring up at you like he can’t believe his ears. “Okay! Um… what time is it?”

“Only like midnight.”

“Do you want to sleep now, or do more sleepover-y things first?”

“I’m cool with whatever.”

“Right. Uh, I’m going to take a shower.”

“Wait, there are showers on this ship?”

“Yeah! And somehow the water stays warm! And we never run out of it! I’m not sure how that works, but it’s pretty neat.”

“Wow.” Come to think of it, you have no clue where all the water on the meteor comes from either. You guess it’s some magic Sburb shit. That’s a good enough explanation for you.

John starts to leave, but then turns back to you. “You want to take one too?”

You haven’t showered in a week (your god tier clothes are always clean, no matter how much sweat or grime you’ve built up on your skin), so you say, “Sure.”

He smiles. “Neat! I’ll show you where they are.”

*

To your immense relief, the showers are in entirely separate rooms, giving you some privacy. You’re not sure how you’d feel having to shower in a stall next to John. Sure enough, when you’ve finished (and brushed your teeth too—there are a bunch of spare toothbrushes and toothpaste that John must’ve alchemized at some point), your god tier outfit is as clean as your skin, and you feel much better than before. Does John always shower before going to bed? It would explain why his hair stands up like that all the time.

However, when you meet up with him back in his room, he’s sitting on the bed, his damp hair sticking up just as much as usual. You would very much like to touch it, but don’t, obviously. He’s wearing the same smile he always has when he’s with his friends—the one that seems to radiate pure joy, and completely conceals his earlier exhaustion and frustration. His hood and his shoes are set on a chair. Seems practical—you remove your cape and shoes and put them next to his, then sit down on the bed across from him, criss-crossing your legs.

“How is shaving going?” is the first thing John asks you. Which… was not what you were expecting, but okay, if he wants to talk about that, that’s cool with you.

“Uh… I haven’t had to do it much? I practiced a bit after you gave me those books, and it went well.”

He nods. “Nice.”

There’s a pause. John fidgets with the hems of his pant legs.

“I’ve never had a sleepover with only one person before,” he tells you suddenly. His nervous smile betrays some of his apprehension at the thought.

“Yeah, me neither. Unless that one night with Karkat counts.”

“What?”

Oh. It didn’t occur to you that you’d have to explain it. You feel your face grow warm. “Uh, it was a while ago. I… couldn’t sleep. So I went over to Karkat’s room and slept there.”

“In his bed?”

“Uh. Yeah.”

John grins. “Wow! Nice! Was that before you knew you liked him, or…?”

“Actually, that was kinda how I found out I liked him.”

His eyebrows go up, and you know  _ exactly _ what he’s thinking. If sharing a bed with Karkat made you realize you had a big gay crush on him, what’s gonna happen when you share a bed with John? Shit, maybe this was a bad idea, and you should just sleep on the couch, and continue bottling up your John Feelings and refusing to figure out what they are, because if you had a crush on John  _ too _ that would just be way too much to handle.

Wait, fuck, what if you do?

No! He’s your best friend! You’re comfortable doing stuff with him you’d be less comfortable doing with someone like Jade—like sharing a bed with him, or letting him put his head in your lap, or what the hell, even kissing him in Truth or Dare. Or outside of Truth or Dare! That’s totally cool with you, and it’s not because you like him, it’s because you’re friends and you know each other really well. It’s different with Karkat because you haven’t known him for nearly as long—the feelings are the same, but—

Oh, shit.  _ Shit. _

“Dave?” comes John’s voice, and you start. You’ve been staring at him pretty intensely, and surely by now he can feel the weight of your gaze, even behind your shades.

You open your mouth to justify your sudden lapse in attention, and pause. John’s perched on his knees right in front of you, looking a little concerned.

“I’m good,” you say quietly, but you’re not good at all; the emotional center of your brain has been completely uprooted and now it’s flailing around and screaming like a not-quite-dead decapitated chicken. What were you even talking about? Can you manage to salvage the conversation and drag it back up from this pit of awkwardness and suddenly-really-fucking-obvious romantic tension?

Or you could drag yourself and John further into the pit because you are an asshole who likes to make things complicated.

You decide to do the latter. You push yourself up onto your knees, put a hand on his shoulder, and kiss him. On the fucking mouth.

John instantly freezes. His entire body tenses, and his eyes go very wide, and his hands start to shake. It’s awkward and bad and embarrassing and all kinds of wrong, and you can feel your head collapsing in on itself with the downwards spiral of emotions that courses through your brain. Shit,  _ shit, _ what if you were wrong, what if he doesn’t like you in that way, you could’ve just misjudged it—

You pull away, and scoot a couple inches back for good measure. John’s staring at you. Your instinct is to abscond immediately, get out of this room and yeet yourself into the void, where absolute garbage like you belongs.

“Sorry,” you mutter. Your cheeks are burning; you can’t look at him anymore.

“Oh my god,” says John.

“Fuck. God fucking dammit. I’m so sorry, I shouldn’t have done that, I’m such an idiot, I just assumed—”

“Dave!”

You feel John’s warm, smooth hands on your cheeks, tilting your head up to look at him. If he were any closer he’d practically be sitting on your lap. His face has melted into a kinder smile than you’ve ever seen on anyone before.

“You like me too?” he whispers. He’s practically vibrating with excitement now.

You can only nod. You… do? You think you do? You have no fucking clue but you kind of want to kiss him in a way that isn’t entirely awful??

“Oh man! Um… wow. Maybe we should try that again?”

Before you can react, you feel his breath on your face and his lips pressing against yours. Slowly, very gently. But not hesitantly at all. He tastes like toothpaste and popcorn, and his hands are still shaking, but they’re firmly cupping your face; he’s not going to let you go. You can only imagine how long he’s wanted to do exactly this, but he doesn’t rush it, or intensify it more than you can deal with right now. Holy fuck, this is actually happening? You think you might have passed out in the shower and this is some sort of concussion-induced hallucination—your head certainly hurts enough for that to be true. You fold your arms around his shoulders, because that’s what you’re supposed to do, right? Pull him closer and feel him melt into you.

Oh god, you’re actually gay now, you’ve voluntarily kissed not one, but two whole boys, and one of them is right here, and he’s real, and he’s your best friend in the entire fucking world, and you love him so much, and you never really realized that until this moment.

It’s only when John pulls away that you realize you’re crying. Fuck, this is the second time you’ve cried in front of him. But your emotions have reached their breaking point—you don’t know  _ what _ you’re feeling right now, but it’s strong enough to overwhelm you.

You pull off your shades and completely break down, covering your eyes with your hands and trying not to sob. Then John’s arms are around you, pulling you as close to him as is physically possible, hands trailing down your back. You bury your face in his shoulder. He makes a shooshing sound, brushing a hand across your cheek like he’s your moirail, and that just makes you cry even harder because?? Here’s someone who honest-to-god  _ cares _ about you and has done so for years, who didn’t give a shit that you were trans, who felt horrible when something he had every right to do hurt your feelings, and even though 90% of your pre-Sburb conversations were masked in about 7 layers of irony, you’d still fantasize about meeting him and hanging out together and growing closer.

“If you don’t stop crying, Dave,” whispers John, his voice watery, “you’re going to make me cry too!”

You let out a choking laugh and hug him tighter.

You don’t know how long you stay like that, tangled up in each other’s embrace. Until your headache has lessened and your mind has stopped whirling and your eyes have dried somewhat. But the candidness of the moment doesn’t fracture into the shards of irony behind which you’re so used to hiding. You feel drained, like all your tumultuous emotions have exited your body by way of your tear ducts. Real men don’t cry? Bullshit. Real men kiss boys and have mental breakdowns afterwards.

“Do you want to talk about it?” says John quietly. It comes out as if he’s been juggling that question around in his mind, wondering if he’s brave enough to voice it.

“Dunno what I would say,” you murmur.

“That’s okay. Are you feeling better now?”

“Yeah. Thanks.”

He giggles, and you feel the vibration in your own chest. “Man! That was so crazy! I can’t believe you—why did you—why that moment?”

_ Why’d you choose that moment to kiss me, _ is what he’s asking. You shrug.

“I just… had some thoughts. About. You.”

“Oh?” The tone of his voice instantly gets more excited.

“Yeah. Like. Realizing stuff. About how I felt. And shit like that.” You know he wants you to go more in-depth, but talking about your feelings is absolutely not your strong suit. You guess he’s used to talking about stuff like this with Karkat, who projectile-vomits his emotions every which way.

“How… do you feel?”

“Well, I thought it’d be great to just fucking kiss you right then and there with absolutely no warning, so how do you think I feel?”

“You really like me!”

You shut your eyes. You wouldn’t have phrased it like that, but… yeah. You really do like him. You just nod into his shoulder.

“Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“Cause I literally didn’t realize it until today? I was just denying all my feelings like I usually do. I still have no idea what the fuck is going on.”

“But… do you like it?”

“Yeah,” you say, because you have to admit that holding John like this is really nice. You can feel his heartbeat and his breathing and the vibrations when he talks, adding an extra dimension to his speech. And you don’t have to look at him. He can’t see your eyes, and that makes you feel a little safer.

“Remember when I kissed you in Truth or Dare?” he whispers after a pause.

“Yeah, I just now forgot about that particular moment that we’ve talked our asses off about.”

“I’ve had a huge crush on you since then.”

“Damn, that’s a long time.”

“I… guess you figured that out? It was kind of obvious.”

“It kind of was,” you say, and don’t mention that it took you way too long to realize that.

Suddenly, John pulls away from you, drawing back the covers on the bed. You’re somewhat surprised to notice dry tear tracks on his cheeks. Shit, did you make him cry too? “This has been a great talk and all, but… I’m still crazy exhausted from today!”

Oh, right. You’re supposed to be sleeping. You know you’re hella tired too. At least you feel a little less awkward about sharing the bed now. You slip off the bed, stretch, then walk over to turn off the light, dropping your shades and John’s glasses on the chair as you pass it.

Once the light is off, the darkness is absolute; you have to feel your way back to the bed. The covers rustle as John makes himself comfortable, and you climb in beside him. Your fingers connect with his arm, and you run your hand upwards until you find his face. It’s right by yours, and from the folds of his cheeks, you can tell he’s beaming. You really want to kiss him again, but you have a feeling you’d miss his mouth in the dark. And it would make you feel even more self-conscious. Instead, you brush your lips across his cheek. God, these boys are going to turn you into a hopeless romantic.

John wraps his arms around you and presses his face into your chest, squeezing you and snuggling in closer. His still-wet hair tickles your neck, legs tangling with yours. You can feel his heart beating wildly. It’s intimate enough to make you blush—just how physically close he is, and the fact that he feels comfortable enough to do that. A year ago—hell, even a month ago—even if you’d wanted this kind of contact with someone, you would have denied yourself the experience to no end: too gay, too much unironic affection. But now here you are, cuddling in a bed with none other than John fucking Egbert, and there is not a trace of irony in how much you want to be here.

Yeah. You love him.

You hug him back, and let yourself drift into the deepest sleep you’ve had in a while.


	24. john: go with the obvious solution

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you may notice there's now an expected total number of chapters—28! that's how many i have outlined, at least. it might change, but right now i'm feeling pretty confident about how the story is going and how it'll end.
> 
> chapter updates from now on are probably gonna be once a week or so!

You wake up in a tangle of limbs and have no idea what’s going on for about five seconds.

Your name is John Egbert, and holy  _ shit, _ you are lying in your bed with your arms around Dave Strider. And  _ he likes you back. _ And he kissed you last night. Not a Truth or Dare kiss. Actually full-on kissed you. And then cried a lot for reasons you don’t quite understand. And then you had a big long hug and a semi-feelings jam and now he is quite literally in your bed. And you’ve been cuddling him for the entire night.

Holy fuck.

You’re pulled back to reality when you hear a knock on the door. Oh, shit, that’s what woke you up, isn’t it. You carefully remove Dave’s arms from around you and jump out of the bed, turning on the light, then grabbing your glasses from the chair and putting them on. Your bedfellow comes into focus before you, sleeping peacefully, and your heart does a little jump. As an afterthought, you throw the covers over his head, obscuring him from the sight of whoever’s at the door.

It’s Jade. She looks way too cheery, obviously completely ignorant of all the shit that went down last night.

“Sorry for waking you up! Davesprite said you needed some Space player help?”

“It’s… uh. It’s fine.”

“He said Dave was here last night?”

“Yeah,” you tell her, and very much hope you aren’t blushing. “He. Uh. Left.”

“Oh, so he stayed the night?”

“No,” you say, way too quickly.

“Oh! Right. Too bad. I would’ve liked to see him.”

Dave takes that exact moment to snore loudly and turn over. You jump, your face instantly turning scarlet. Jade stops, looking between you and the bed, and her face splits into a grin when she realizes what’s going on.

“Oh my god!” she squeals. “John!!”

You look at your shoes and hope your burning cheeks don’t catch the whole room on fire.

“I’ll leave you guys alone,” cries Jade, and then she’s off, door shutting behind her with a bang loud enough to wake Dave. He shoots up, sitting up straight like a corpse awakened by dark magic from what should have been its eternal slumber. Or, you know. Like a boy who’s just realized where he is and what just happened and why he’s currently sitting in the bed of his childhood best friend. He peers at you, eyes as red as the symbol on his shirt.

“Fuck,” he says.

“Jade,” you reply by way of an answer to his unspoken question.

“Oh.”

You wonder if he’s as glad as you are that it wasn’t Davesprite.

Dave begins to reach for his shades, then reconsiders, leaning back against the wall and running the bedsheets through his hands. He looks more than a little dazed.

“How are you?” You join him on the bed again.

“I don’t fucking know.”

“Surprised? Tired?”

“I was thinking something along the lines of  _ five layers of confusion removed from reality, _ but sure, let’s go with that.”

“Sorry,” you say, reflexively.

“What?”

“I don’t know. Maybe you feel that way because… maybe if… something about last night wasn’t—”

“What, no, John—” Dave frowns at you, and man, he’s so close; you can see every detail of his scarlet eyes. “I mean. Fuck. Not gonna say last night was… amazing. It was. An experience. Let’s say.”

“A lot happened,” you agree.

He hurriedly continues, struggling to get the words out. You can barely understand what he’s trying to tell you. “But, like. I’m not saying that I don’t—that when you—yeah, it got off to a rough start, but—” He stops, breaking eye contact. “Shit. I just. I don’t know.”

Your heartbeat quickens. “Is there a problem?”

“With… with your feelings?”

“Or your feelings, or… what happened, or….”

Dave runs his hands down his face, rubbing his eyes with his palms. “No, I—look. There’s nothing wrong with you, or how you feel, or anything like that. It’s just. I. Fuck. How do I say this. It feels… weird?”

“What feels weird?” you ask, and hope the answer doesn’t lead to Dave telling you that last night was all a misunderstanding, he doesn’t like you that way at all—

He doesn’t speak for a good minute. You wait patiently for him to formulate his thoughts, but you can’t help the anxiety rushing through your head in anticipation of what he’s about to say.

Finally, Dave sighs, and looks at you. “First of all, I’m gonna be really fucking sappy for a second; I know it’s not in my brand or whatever but I just want you to know that I love you? Like. Wow. That sounds like such bullshit, but hell, you’re my best bro and the first person I ever felt close to, and now you’re… whatever the fuck this is. My… boyfriend? No, what am I talking about, of course you’re not, it’s not like you kiss a guy once and then suddenly you’re together forever, hooray, let’s be gay and make out a lot—and oh god, there’s Karkat too, I don’t even know what’s up with that—but I guess what I’m trying to say is I’m just about 500% down for doing something with you that’s not completely no-homo platonic, and also I maybe want to kiss you again, because when we actually got around to doing that in a way that wasn’t fucking awful, it was really nice, but maybe I’m also feeling super weird about this because it doesn’t change the way I feel about Karkat, and just overall I don’t know what to do.”

Okay, holy shit.

You open your mouth to say something—as if anything could come close to matching the impossibly wonderful slew of words that have just poured out of Dave’s mouth (did he just say that he loves you?? and he wants to be your boyfriend??)—but before you can speak, Dave continues.

“Fuck, sorry, that was a lot to take in. Let’s just stop talking about this.”

There are so many things you could say, but you honor Dave’s request. Instead of voicing your equally sappy and emotional thoughts, you reach out and take his hand, fingers intertwining. His immediate reaction is to tense up, and although he relaxes a second later, something about it tugs at your heart—the reaffirmation of how unaccustomed Dave is to this kind of sincere affection. Well. You guess you and Karkat will just have to shower him with love 24/7.

Wait. It takes a second for the full realization to hit you. Yeah, that’s right, Karkat counts too, doesn’t he—he’s dating Dave, and you’re dating him, and now you’ve established a connection with Dave too…

“Let’s tell Karkat,” you say suddenly.

Dave starts. “What? About—”

“You and me.”

He scratches the back of his head. “Uh, I was hoping we could keep it on the DL for now, you know—”

“No! Dave!” You release his hand and stare him in the eyes. He instantly looks away—he doesn’t have his shades to protect him. “Don’t you get it? We’re basically all dating each other already! Me and you, me and Karkat, you and Karkat.” It’s a love triangle turned romantic triad and you couldn’t be happier.

“Oh.” It clicks in his brain, and his eyes widen. “Oh! Holy fuck, I guess you’re right.”

You giggle and lean in as if to give him a quick, unexpected kiss, like you’ve sometimes done with Karkat, then reconsider and pull back. No, you don’t have set boundaries for that kind of stuff yet—better ask first. And Dave’s looking a little frazzled, so you figure you’ll save the physical affection for later.

“How do we tell him?” you ask, and make a point of looking at the space between his eyes instead of at his lips.

“‘Yo, Karkat, me and John are super in love and we wanna date each other and also you; what do you say, bro?’”

Your heart leaps at the words  _ super in love _ and the completely calm, sincere way in which Dave says them. “Yeah, something like that!”

There’s a hint of anxiety in Dave’s eyes. You wonder if the fact that he hasn’t put his shades back on yet is a sign that he’s more comfortable being vulnerable around you. “But what if he doesn’t want to do that?”

“He does, though! We’ve talked about it before.”

“You have?”

“Yes, a while ago.” Neither of you have brought up the polyamory idea recently, but you can’t imagine why he wouldn’t still be into it—it’s the most obvious solution to all of your problems.

He nods, somewhat distractedly. His hand is hovering over your knee, and he’s leaning in to peer at you with an expression you can’t place.

“We, uh, we do want to date each other, yeah?”

“Dave! What do you think!”

“Right, right. Sorry. Just checking.”

Man, how is there still any trace of ambiguity about your feelings at this point? If you were a little more confident, a little better with words, you’d explain how much he means to you—spell it out until there’s not a scrap of doubt in his mind as to how much you love him. Tell him again how desperately you’ve wanted him for months, how every smile of his is permanently seared into your brain, how much of yourself he’s helped you discover, both in the lifetime before the game and now, how you’d trust him with your life, how perfect his hand feels in yours—and somehow do this in a way that doesn’t sound cliché, that makes him feel your emotions as intensely as you do. But knowing you, you’d just blurt out some surface-level “you’re really great, Dave!” shit, and like hell that’s going to properly convey all your whirling thoughts.

“Can I kiss you?” you whisper instead, into the emotionally charged silence that’s formed between you, because if you can’t tell him how you feel, then you’re going to show him, while both of you are wide awake.

Dave starts. His face goes red, matching up with literally every other part of him except his hair. You feel yourself blushing as well, but keep your expression determined.

He fidgets, finally letting his hand rest on your knee. “I. You, uh. Yeah. Yeah, definitely.”

You coil your arms around his waist, flash him a quick grin, and close the distance between you. He inhales sharply, startled at the sudden intensity, then immediately kisses you back, clinging to you like you’re the only thing in his world. Even though you both have morning breath, it’s a hundred times better than last time, because it’s not the middle of the night, and you’re not utterly exhausted, and he’s not crying. You run your hands through his hair, and he wraps his arms around your shoulders, pulling your chests together. You kiss him like you’ve dreamed about for months, passionately and unapologetically. It’s amazing.

At least, until the door opens and Davesprite enters.

“Shit, sorry,” he says, and he’s gone before either of you can fully realize what just happened. You jump apart and stare at each other. Dave looks absolutely mortified, his blush threatening to break free of the confines of his face and spread to every patch of skin on his body. You just start to laugh—nervous and giddy, still high off the rush of feeling Dave’s lips pressed to yours. That’s the second time you’ve been caught making out with a boy, and you have a feeling it’s not going to be the last.

“Don’t worry, Davesprite knows already,” you tell him when your laughter fades.

“What?”

“That I like you.”

“You told him?”

“He, uh. Figured it out.”

“Oh,” Dave says.

You run your fingers down his back, tracing lopsided circles and feeling the bumps of his spine. “Um… should we go back to the meteor now?”

He blinks, as if he’d forgotten there existed any place in the world other than your small, yellow room. “Yeah, okay.”

Neither of you moves. Sure, you  _ should _ go back and talk to Karkat, but that means sacrificing the warmth and coziness of your bed and Dave’s embrace.

Eventually, though, you slide off the bed and stretch, then gather up your hood and your shoes and begin to put them on. Dave does the same, throwing his cape across his shoulders and pulling it over his head. It flares out, and you have the sudden urge to grab it and wrap yourself up in it. Maybe you can use it in future cuddles.

When you’re both ready, you take Dave’s hand, close your eyes, and concentrate. Back to the meteor. Can Town, preferably.

A bright blue light shines at the edges of your vision. Your mind instinctively goes to Typheus and the oil. No, no, not now, you can’t think about that right now. Not when your day is going so well already.

There’s a flash, and you’re in the middle of Can Town, disoriented and drained. You’ve barely focused on your exhaustion for half a second when you hear a loud yell, and the sound of a couple cans clattering to the floor. Karkat is standing, wide-eyed, five feet away, looking like he’s ready to strife someone with the piece of purple chalk clutched in his hand.

“John! Stop fucking doing that!!” he shrieks.

You laugh. “Sorry! I didn’t realize you’d be in here!”

Karkat rolls his eyes and turns his gaze to Dave. “And where the fuck have you been?? You know I’ve been looking for you all morning?”

Dave opens his mouth, closes it, then says slowly, “You have?”

“We were on the ship,” you explain before Karkat can go off on another tirade. “Sorry! We were… a bit preoccupied.”

You can almost see the gears turning in Karkat’s brain. His eyes go from you, to Dave, to your still-clasped hands. There’s a moment of silence. Dave’s cheeks are pink.

“Holy shit,” Karkat says.

“Yeah. We, uh. Figured some stuff out.”

Karkat, for once, seems entirely incapable of speech. He just looks at you, floundering, unable to conjure up the proper words to describe the sudden mixture of surprise, delight, and disbelief apparent on his face.

Dave clears his throat. “Right. Let’s just cut any superfluous bullshit and get straight to the heart of the matter. Somehow we’ve got ourselves into this clusterfuck of a situation where we are all head over heels for each other and don’t realize it because we are emotionally constipated teenagers with a fuckton of internalized homophobia.”

“And the glaringly obvious solution,” you continue, “is that we all date each other.”

Karkat arches an eyebrow. “Really? You  _ just _ figured that out?”

“Shut up, you know we’ve talked about this before!” But now it’s actually feasible.

“Yeah, yeah, I just—” His eyes flick to Dave. “So Dave likes you too, huh.”

Dave’s blush deepens, but he just says “Fuck yeah.”

“What are we waiting for, then? For me to say I’m in? Because this was literally my idea in the first place—”

“Actually, I think it was my idea,” you interrupt.

“Fuck you, it was definitely my idea. Anyway, obviously I’m super fucking excited to be part of this quadrant-transcending polyamorous trio, if you are.”

“Yeah!”

“Yeah,” echoes Dave.

“So!” You release Dave’s hand, instead putting one arm around his shoulder and one around Karkat’s. You feel absolutely electrified—at any second you think you’re going to burst with all the energy of the love you feel for your friends at this moment. You’re actually doing something! The three of you are finally getting your shit together! “Can I call you guys my boyfriends now?”

“Does that imply we’re gonna tell people?”

“Probably?”

“Can’t imagine we’ll do a great job of keeping it a secret,” Karkat mutters. He gestures at the Mayor with his free arm, who’s quietly watching your conversation from the other end of the room, a slight smile on his face.

You laugh. “Yeah, probably not. But… I think we should keep it kind of lowkey at first? While we’re still getting used to it.”

Both Dave and Karkat nod in agreement. Man, this is one of the most straightforward, productive conversations you’ve had—it’s a wonder what emotional honesty can do for a relationship.

You don’t speak, just let the moment wash over you, feeling your friends—your boyfriends!—in your arms. This is one of those times when words can’t do your emotions justice. Your eyes are closed, but you can feel both of them smiling beside you, hanging onto you for dear life, wide and bright and undeniably  _ happy. _

*

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT]

EB: hey rose...  
EB: i have a quick question, if you don’t mind.  
EB: hehe, i always seem to go to you for questions about gay things.  
TT: You’re not the only one. I seem to have become the highly sought-after authority on all things related to same-sex attraction.  
TT: How are you? I realize we haven’t properly spoken in some time. I suppose I can take some blame for that.  
EB: it’s okay! i know you want to spend time with kanaya.  
EB: hey, come to think of it, i should talk to her more.  
EB: we don’t have much in common, though.  
TT: You may have more in common than you think.  
TT: I showed her the movie Ghostbusters the other day, and she thoroughly enjoyed it.  
EB: holy shit, really??  
EB: i am so excited, we have got to talk about it.  
EB: sorry rose! i’m taking your girl friend now.  
TT: Cucked by a gay man. How unfortunate.  
TT: In that case, I suppose it’s only fair that I take Karkat - I can’t say he’s my type, but for the sake of this troll-partner-swap, he’ll have to do.  
EB: uhh, what?  
TT: Please, John. Don’t pretend you haven’t been dating Karkat for months.  
EB: um...  
EB: i would ask how you know that, but chances are it was just really obvious and i couldn’t tell.  
EB: i am also dating dave, btw.  
TT: I see!  
TT: Congratulations, might I add.  
TT: Might this have anything to do with your question for me?  
EB: hehe, yep!  
EB: so... this whole dating two people thing is called polyamory, right?  
TT: Yes.  
EB: is it... normal?  
TT: John, we are flying through the space in between universes on a rock that originated from a massive reality-bending video game. “Normal” is no longer a word that has any meaning, at least not in the context in which you’re trying to use it.  
EB: bluh, i should’ve known you’d say something like that!  
EB: uh, i guess what i mean is, is it bad?  
TT: Not if you do it correctly.  
EB: how do you do it correctly?  
TT: That is up to you to define, not me.  
TT: However, I’d assume that a healthy polyamorous relationship must be formed with the enthusiastic consent of all parties involved, as well as set boundaries on what the relationship is and isn’t.  
EB: ok, i think we have all of those things.  
EB: we should still talk about it more, though.  
EB: thank you rose!  
TT: No problem.  
TT: Also, thank you for telling me about your new relationships. I wish you the best of luck!  
EB: thanks!!

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT]


	25. john: break terezi’s rules

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we are nearing the end! wild! this fic has been really fun to work on, but honestly, i'm kinda glad it'll be done soon... one less project to worry about haha
> 
> also, i'm kind of amazed my motivation has lasted this long! probably has something to do with how many readers i've been getting... this fic now has 200 kudos!! wow!!! thank you all yet again!
> 
> warning for anxiety/trauma-related stuff in this chapter, just in case

In the first two weeks of your relationship, Karkat manages to walk in on you and Dave kissing twice. The first time it’s really fucking embarrassing for everyone involved, and many apologies are exchanged before someone points out that hey, we’re all dating now, we’d better get used to this kind of thing. The second time, you all just laugh your asses off, and Karkat starts making out with Dave in front of you to prove a point.

And when you all watch movies together, which is happening more and more frequently, you finally start to relax, letting your head settle on someone’s lap or shoulder and knowing that it’s not going to make them tense or uncomfortable. Often you pile up on top of each other, figuring out the weirdest positions you can twist yourselves into and hold until your limbs start to cramp. Dave, it turns out, is very good at this. You are not.

Out of the three of you, Dave’s bed is the biggest (and most accessible—taking your boyfriends to the ship is much more of an ordeal than you wish it were), so that’s where you go to cuddle and fall asleep together after particularly late movie nights. You switch up who sleeps in the middle, but often, by morning, the configuration is different than how it started out—for example, the one night when Dave started out on the far right, then somehow ended up sprawled across both you and Karkat, perpendicular to the bed.

Honestly, you think to yourself, as much as you love the rush that comes with a makeout session, nothing beats simply lying in bed and feeling your boyfriends’ arms around you, sharing their warmth, heartbeats synchronizing. You wouldn’t trade that for anything.

It’s so much better than what you had before, but that isn’t to say there aren’t still problems. Little things. Forgetting to ask before kissing someone and dealing with the subsequent discomfort when it turns out that person wasn’t feeling up for it. Spending so much time together that you get overwhelmed with the amount of social interaction and physical contact, then absconding to the ship with rushed goodbyes. Things that you realize you need to work on, that’ll get better in time as the three of you get used to the relationship.

Then there’s the anxiety that sometimes settles into your brain late at night—the feeling that you don’t belong here, that your existence in this timeline was a mistake, that you weren’t supposed to be on the meteor. That you made a choice, and now Typheus is going to take your loved ones away from you.

*

A week after you officially got together with Dave and Karkat, you have the first proper nightmare you’ve had in months.

You’re on Roxy’s planet. It’s still, silent. Rose is laying there, blood seeping out of the hole in her chest. It keeps coming and coming, in dark rivers, like oil, spilling onto Roxy’s fingers as she presses her hands to her ecto-mother’s wound, desperately trying to staunch the flow…

And you just stand there, a couple feet away, completely numb. It doesn’t feel real. You’ve seen Rose dead once before, but this time a kiss won’t save her. You should have felt so many things in that moment. Anger, despair, grief, the whole lot. But instead you just feel an overwhelming sense of failure. It’s one more event to add to the growing list of Things That Have Gone Wrong Today, and it almost doesn’t matter that she’s one of your closest friends—who got you into the game, who’s saved your ass so many times—it’s all happened before. Meanwhile, next to you, tears are running down Roxy’s face for a person she barely knows. And the only thing you can say, in a voice that’s too quiet, too calm, as Roxy buries her face in your shoulder, is _“I’m sorry.”_

What a cruel game, to make you so accustomed to death and blood and horror. Did you feel nothing because you somehow knew this wasn’t the end? Because you were desensitized? That’s certainly what you thought in the moment. Or because your habitual suppression of unwanted emotions had finally gone too far?

Tonight, alone in your pitch-black room, jolting upright with a rush of blood to your head, you suddenly feel everything you should have felt that day. The unrelenting pain and simply the _unfairness_ of it all.

Jade’s asleep on her planet. You left Davesprite on the meteor. Even if they were here you don’t think you would have been able to control your sobs. For a moment, the calm, collected persona you’ve built up your entire life is gone, and you’re left feeling raw and vulnerable, unused to the sudden weights crashing down upon you. For the first time in months, years even, you allow yourself to completely break down.

Why did Sburb take everything away from you? It killed your father and destroyed your universe and now you’re clinging onto what little you’ve got, trapped on a ship and a meteor you can’t even control. And now you’re supposed to be able to defeat a reality-bending fiend?

Well. You have your friends. You have four—no, six, seven, eight?—people who legitimately care about you, to whom you’re closer than you ever thought was possible, and that’s something. That’s more than something.

The image of Rose’s body still haunts your mind. You slide off the bed and stand uneasily in the darkness, taking long, slow, shaky breaths. You don’t want to talk about it—you don’t want to be a burden—but there’s a nagging feeling in your mind that you have to tell her about this.

*

When you appear in the meteor’s common room, it seems different. Barer. Less furniture, less mess. Have they redecorated?

Sure enough, Rose is sitting on the couch, legs tucked to her chest, a book resting on her knees. A single light above her provides the only illumination in the room. She starts when you zap in, book falling to the floor, and jumps to her feet.

“John?” she breathes, and her confused, almost scared expression is a little—no, a lot more intense than you were expecting.

“Yeah?”

“How are you here?”

You open your mouth to explain—something about feeling awful and needing to talk about it—then realize she asked _how,_ not _why._ Wait. Wait.

“Um,” you start. “I… think I might have made a mistake?”

“Evidently,” whispers Rose. She steps closer, face now solidified into more of a confidently curious expression.

“Oh, shit, I wasn’t supposed to time travel…”

“Time travel,” she repeats, eyes widening. “I suppose that explains it. You’re from the future, then?”

You’re somewhat surprised by how readily she accepts it, but you suppose she’s seen crazier things. “I think? How long has it been since you first got here?”

“To the meteor?”

“Yeah.”

“A week or so. And you?”

“What?”

“How long have you been on the ship?”

Not for the first time, you realize how poorly you’ve been keeping track of time. You’re still not sure exactly how long the ship had been chugging along through meta-space before this version of you entered the timeline, and so much has happened on the meteor that you can’t believe it’s only been a couple months. “Uh… three months? Four? Um, it might be more than that. Sorry.”

“I see.” Rose exhales, and for a second you see a genuine exhaustion on her face, unlike the one you constantly experience but just as stark. She lowers herself back onto the couch, eyes fixed on a spot somewhere behind you as if trying to decide what to say next.

“Does it get better?” is her sudden, unexpected question.

“Does what get better?”

“Life on the meteor.”

“In the future?”

“Yes.”

That’s… not really a question you can answer, is it? You don’t know what Rose is going through, currently or otherwise, and her statement seems to imply that her life right now is not going so hot. “I—yes? I think?”

“That’s nice to hear,” she says. Her voice is toneless, but you don’t think she’s being sarcastic. “Although,” —and here her face twists into a sort of perplexed knot— “while I am glad of your reassurance, I can’t say I’m overjoyed at your confirmation of my assumption that, in the future, you have in fact visited the meteor.”

It takes your brain a second to parse out what she’s saying. “Wait, how come?”

Rose sighs. “It… troubles me how much it comes as a surprise.”

Her meaning clicks in your brain. Yeah, she’s mentioned this before. “You thought you should have been able to predict me coming to the meteor? With your Light powers?”

She nods. “Not quite _predict,_ but it seems like such a… pivotal event. I was almost fully resigned to waiting three years to see you again. But judging by everything you’ve said, I’d assume you come here—or you _will_ come here—rather frequently.”

You’re almost afraid to ask, but— “Does it feel like… I wasn’t supposed to be here?”

“Absolutely.”

Oh _shit._ You can feel the panic from earlier seeping back into your brain. This just confirms it, doesn’t it? What a stranger you are to this timeline. And now you’ve broken two of the rules Terezi gave you at the beginning of the journey— _no time travel_ and _don’t fuck too much with the relationships._

Rose must see the terror on your face, because her expression softens. “I’m sorry, John; I didn’t mean it like that. I understand that visiting the meteor must be very important to you. Regardless of whatever the alpha timeline or my Light vision has to say about it, what’s done is done.”

You nod, but what with the powers you know your denizen holds, you’re not sure if that’s true.

“Why did you come here?” Rose’s topic switch pulls you back to the real world. “Were you looking to talk with me?”

“Yeah. Uh, Future Rose, actually.”

“Of course.”

You begin to tell her that it’s okay, you can tell her about it too, but… somehow, you’re not sure if you need to anymore? You saw her die, and it was horrible and traumatic, but she’s alive now. There’s a sort of calm acceptance filling your brain, and you’re not sure what triggered it.

“Emotions are weird,” you say aloud.

“I wholeheartedly agree.” A small smile crosses her face. “Legend has it that putting feelings into words can—shockingly—help one make sense of them. Might you want to test that hypothesis?”

You giggle. Man, Rose always knows the best ways to phrase things. “Um, I don’t know.”

“All right.”

Pause. You join her on the couch, looking for the right words.

“Do you ever have nightmares about… stuff that happened in the game?”

She stiffens. “Yes.”

“I guess it kind of just hit me how fucked up that whole thing was. And I just accepted it! I guess I’m pretty good at staying calm most of the time, but lately that’s stopped being the case? I just feel….”

You trail off before you can actually voice any of your emotions. You want to tell her you feel fine, but that wouldn’t quite be correct.

“Anxious?” Rose offers.

“Yes, and… I don’t know. Just. Bad.”

You glance at her, and she looks almost delighted. Man, this is her dream, isn’t it—to play therapist to one of her friends in real life.

“And I feel like I _should_ be more happy, because everything is going great, and I have two b—uh, I have two new friends—and… I don’t know.”

She nods like she understands all too well. “If you’re looking for advice, I don’t know that I’m the best person to offer it. But I hope you do realize that your feelings are completely justified. More stress has been placed on us than any teenager—anyone at all—should have to endure. I’m sorry,” she adds.

“Thanks.”

“And if it can get better for me in the near future, I’m sure it will get better for you as well.”

“Yeah,” you say, and this time you really do believe it.

There’s a quiet knock on the door, the kind you’ve come to expect from Kanaya. Rose starts again, looking wildly between you and the door.

“I won’t tell anyone else you came,” she whispers.

“Not even future me?”

She grins. “Of course not.” You suppose that explains Rose’s not-entirely-surprised attitude when you first zapped onto the meteor.

There’s another knock. “I should go.”

Rose nods, standing as you do. She gives you a quick hug. “Goodbye, then. See you in a few months.”

“Yeah!” You focus, picturing the meteor you know, the one that’s synced up with your proper position in spacetime. Then you remember something, and turn back to Rose.

“Also… past me doesn’t know it yet, but I’m really, really gay. Make sure he figures that out, okay?”

Rose’s eyebrows shoot up, and she looks like she suddenly has just about a thousand questions, but you’re gone before she can even confirm that she heard you correctly.

*

You appear in Can Town, your default meteor destination, back in the right time period.

 

ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT]

EB: hey rose, just wanted to let you know that i accidentally went back in time and talked with your past self.  
EB: wow, that sounds so weird. hopefully you remember that.  
TT: I do.  
TT: I was wondering if you’d tell me after it happened. I’m glad you did.  
EB: so you knew about that all along!  
EB: i am not surprised though. telling present me about it might have fucked up the timeline or something.  
EB: er, past me.  
EB: whatever. time travel is so confusing!  
TT: How are you feeling?  
EB: better.  
TT: That’s good.  
TT: Did I help?  
EB: yes, i think so!  
EB: i mean... i think all this anxiety and trauma-related shit isn’t going to get better immediately...  
EB: but i’ll try to stop beating myself up over it.  
EB: it is going to take a while!  
TT: It is. I’m figuring that out for myself as well.  
EB: yeah.  
EB: oh, also...  
EB: i told past you that it would get better for you in the future.  
EB: is that true?  
TT: Hmm.  
TT: I would say so.  
TT: Obviously I’m overjoyed that I’ve been able to form such a meaningful relationship with Kanaya, and I’m sure you feel the same way about Dave and Karkat.  
EB: hehe yeah!  
TT: Unfortunately, we, as immortal beings, have not yet surpassed the need for sleep, so that is something I must attend to shortly.  
TT: One more thing before I do.  
TT: I believe you’ve mentioned before the strong memories you still possess from the timeline in which everyone died.  
TT: I may not have lived your exact experiences, but I can empathize with the feeling of receiving memories from doomed timelines with less-than-ideal consequences.  
TT: These sorts of memories were the first connection I had with the gods from the Furthest Ring, and we all know how well that went.  
EB: wait, are you telling me my memories might be dangerous?  
TT: No. I’m simply letting you know that I understand what you’re going through, in some way, shape, or form.  
EB: oh ok.  
EB: thanks for telling me!  
EB: maybe next time i have a breakdown like that i’ll talk to you. present you, that is.  
TT: You might also consider talking to Dave. He is your boyfriend, after all, and has more experience than I do with time travel shenanigans.  
EB: oh yeah, i could definitely do that.  
EB: i don’t want to burden him with all my feelings though...  
TT: John, you aren’t a burden. I’m sure he’ll understand.  
EB: bluh. yeah, you are probably right.  
EB: thank you again rose!  
TT: No problem. Have a good night.

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering  tentacleTherapist [TT]

 

You’re still exhausted from the two jumps you’ve made tonight, and you’re not up for a third. Fortunately, you have two people here on the meteor who are more than willing to share a bed with you. The question is, which one? You eventually decide to go with Karkat—his room is closer, and you don’t think you’ve ever actually slept with him alone.

When you quietly push open the door, Karkat is fast asleep, arms wrapped around his pillow. You consider not waking him up, but it wouldn’t be nice to just invade his bed without asking. You tap him lightly on the shoulder and he jolts awake, peering up at you.

“Let me guess,” he mutters. “You had a bad dream and now you need some company.”

“Something like that.”

He groans, but you can see the hint of a smile on his tired face. “Typical.”

He scoots over, and you climb in beside him, kicking off your shoes. The bed is warm and cozy—even more so when Karkat hugs you, pulling you close to him and pressing his forehead to yours. Your heart swells. It’s so wonderful how casual it is—just cuddling with him, with little-to-no fear of embarrassment.

You fall asleep easily, and this time, your dreams are long and sweet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update: the next chapter is taking a while and i'm not sure when it'll be done... sorry about that!


	26. i’m just a moment, so don’t let me pass you by

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh man, it’s been forever since i last uploaded a chapter—sorry! this chapter is Very Long, though, and was hard to write at times, so i have an excuse. (also, video games are fun and a great way to spend free time instead of writing…)
> 
> also, wow, a chapter named after a lyric from a song that isn't karkalicious?? wild! this line is from “outlines” by all time low. (it's a great song look it up)
> 
> this one is a collection of scenes, and it's split into three parts - one from dave’s perspective, one from karkat’s, and one from john’s.

**Dave**

 

Unlike you, Karkat has a tendency to cry during movies. You’re noticing this more and more as he becomes accustomed to opening up around you, knowing that you’ll never really judge him, not actually. Thing is, it’s not the depressing shit that gets him (and to be fair, you don’t really watch a lot of depressing shit)—it’s the sappy troll romance films with the over-the-top declarations of love and soft lighting that make him tear up, then glare at you when you laugh at him. It is honestly hilarious how absorbed he’ll get in the most cliché love story imaginable, leaning towards the screen and hanging onto every word the romantic leads utter.

It stops being quite so funny when, one late night when John’s already passed out in his lap, he leans his head against your arm and murmurs, “Jegus. I always used to get so into these kinds of films because I thought it was the closest I’d ever get to, you know. Actual, normal romance. And now look what I’ve got. So much better than I’d ever imagined.”

You’re too tired for words to come easily to you, so you reach your hand up and run it through his hair, brushing against his horns. Later you’d play his words on repeat in your head, marvelling at the fact that he considers you and John better than a romance film.

You do get your chance to cry over a movie, though. One day, while playing around with the alchemiter, you come across the disk of what looks like a teen romcom called  _ Love, Simon. _ You’re about 97% sure you’ve never heard of it, and judging by some of the shit you’ve alchemized before, it’s entirely likely that it’s not even a real movie. The three of you watch it anyway, and you are honestly blown away, because  _ holy shit, _ it’s a teens’ movie with a gay protagonist. By the end you don’t even care if it’s real or not because it’s  _ someone like you. _ It’s an Earth movie, not an Alternian one, and no one dies, and the main character gets to kiss his crush with all his friends cheering for him. You… maybe cry a little bit. Not a lot. You definitely don’t sob into John’s shoulder. You’re not  _ that _ sensitive.

Then there’s  _ Wall-E. _ You hadn’t seen it before, actually. You haven’t seen a lot of movies made for kids because that’s not the sort of stuff Bro kept around. Turns out it’s absolutely fantastic—the perfect blend of funny, thoughtful, and heartfelt. When the credits are rolling, displaying the humans’ efforts to clean up their polluted planet, you look over at Karkat and share a glance of  _ wow, that was really good. _

It’s only when you hear a sniffle from your other side that you notice tears running down John’s cheeks. You decide against making a comment about how now he’s joined the crying-at-movies club, haha—and instead just cock an eyebrow.

John beams at you, and whispers, “If they can rebuild their world, we can too!”

And suddenly the movie feels even more amazing and bittersweet and hopeful.

 

*

 

turntechAvian [TA] began pestering  turntechGodhead [TG]

TA: yo  
TG: oh hey dude  
TG: how come youre on the meteor its like midnight  
TA: figured a change of scenery is good every now and then  
TG: you wanna come talk in my room or something  
TG: assuming you wanted to talk  
TA: nah text is easier  
TG: oh worm  
TA: what the fuck  
TG: sorry nevermind lmao  
TG: k then whats up dawg  
TG: got some beans to spill  
TG: feelins to jam about  
TG: im practically a feelings expert by now ive just got too many of the lil fuckers  
TG: lets get the beans rolling  
TA: you know what nevermind  
TG: what  
TG: dude  
TA: i dont want to bother you  
TA: or keep you from sleeping for that matter  
TG: no bro youre not bothering me at all  
TG: legit how do you get “dave doesnt want to talk to me about feelings” from “got some feelings to jam about”  
TA: fine  
TA: well im not as fuckin emotionally attuned as you are so youre gonna have to do some work here buddy  
TG: fuck yeah lets go  
TA: since when are you so excited to talk feelings  
TG: hey watch that assumption youre making  
TG: cant say i love sharing my own feelings but hearing other peoples is ok  
TG: especially since yours are usually pretty relevant to me  
TG: right lets get this fucking party started  
TG: shits about to get downright obscene  
TG: im ready for the forbidden davesprite feels lay em on me bro  
TA: god am i really this weird  
TG: you bet your sweet feathered ass  
TA: god  
TA: okay  
TA: so i was doing some thinking  
TA: bout some stuff you said a while ago  
TA: first of all youre right that bro shit was fucked up  
TA: dont wanna talk about it just like acknowledge it as a thing  
TA: second  
TA: fuck how do i say this  
TA: i was thinking about john  
TA: hes cool  
TG: yep johns pretty rad if i do say so myself  
TG: what a great bro  
TA: yep what a great bro who you literally made out with the other day  
TG: fuck i forgot you saw that  
TG: god when you walked in on us that was the funniest fucking thing  
TG: terrifying in the moment but hilarious afterwards  
TA: yeah  
TA: i mean for me it was just surreal  
TG: makes sense  
TG: hey what were you gonna say about john  
TA: oh yeah  
TA: hey can you uh  
TA: promise me you wont tell him any of this  
TG: oh shit dude yeah of course not  
TA: thanks  
TA: fuck man  
TA: i legitimately dont know how to explain this hold on  
TA: so i came from this doomed timeline where john fought typheus and died right  
TA: then months went by before i decided to go back in time and save all of your asses  
TA: so i had a lot of time to think  
TA: and now that i recall it all johns death really fucked me up  
TA: then of course i was repressing my emotions to like a deep fried twinkies level of unhealthy  
TG: oh mood  
TA: but also during that time i sorta  
TA: built up this picture of john in my head  
TA: and what he meant to me and shit  
TA: then i go back and suddenly hes not dead but he doesnt feel like my john  
TA: even though i know theyre literally the same person  
TA: he felt like a ghost  
TA: and it felt weird to be confronted with this version of john that wasnt the john in my head  
TA: who had real human flaws and stuff  
TA: oh fuck it im just gonna say it  
TA: i think id fallen for him in some way shape or form  
TA: and then suddenly he felt so distant  
TA: and he couldnt understand what id gone through  
TA: does that make sense  
TG: yeah it does  
TA: cool  
TA: but i guess what im trying to say is it feels less like that now  
TA: johns like me now were both from doomed timelines  
TA: or rather like we both have memories of things that didnt really happen  
TA: we havent talked about it at all but i think its made us closer in some weird way  
TA: like now he can actually understand my predicament  
TA: dont worry i dont really like him that way anymore  
TA: not about to steal your bf lmao  
TA: i guess im just saying i appreciate him more  
TG: yeah i totally get what youre saying  
TG: i mean i cant relate but i understand  
TA: yeah  
TA: thanks  
TA: for listening and stuff  
TG: no problem dude anytime  
TA: right i can forsee this conversation getting awkward so im just gonna put a stop to it right here  
TG: good idea  
TA: actually  
TA: fuck it okay one more thing  
TA: your whole thing with john and karkat  
TA: im really happy for you  
TG: thanks  
TG: im pretty happy for me too but hearing that from you is  
TG: just  
TG: really nice  
TG: thank you  
TA: well that was enough emotional honesty for one night  
TA: im actually going now bye  
TG: lmao yeah  
TG: seeya

turntechAvian [TA] ceased pestering  turntechGodhead [TG]

 

*

 

One afternoon when John’s on the ship and all you’re doing is playing shitty video games on your laptop, Karkat throws open the door and puts his hands on his hips.

“All right, Strider, get off your ass. We’re going to do something  _ productive _ and  _ physical _ and it’s going to make me feel much better about myself because then I’ll feel less like a fucking lazy loser and more like a warrior who’s ready to face the final boss of this god awful game.”

He plucks his sickle from his sylladex and brandishes it before you to drive his point home. It’s not a sword—it doesn’t even look like a sword—but something about the way the dim light glints off the blade makes you flinch, jumping from your chair and taking a couple quick steps backward. He’s asking you to fight him. Practice.  _ Fuck. _

“Shit,” says Karkat, and he hastily captchalogues the weapon, suddenly looking as terrified as you feel. “Shit. I shouldn’t have burst in on you like that. Let’s try again. Dave, would you like to have a mock-battle with me?”

You blink at him, incapable of forming speech. No, no, you were hoping this wouldn’t happen—not for another year or so—

“I don’t like it any more than you do. But the part of my brain that erroneously believes Alternia wasn’t completely annihilated in a freak meteor shower from cyberspace is telling me that if I don’t stay fit, and sharp with my sickle, I will get culled. You’re the only one who I trust to help me in this situation.”

“Yeah,” you hear yourself say after a second, as if it’s not a big deal. “I was just surprised, you know. Let’s do this shit.”

Karkat eyes you. “You sure?”

You grab your sword from your sylladex and pretend not to wince as you feel the cool metal in your hand. “Yeah. Yeah.”

“Okay,” he says, but you detect some worry in his eyes.

He leads you to a room halfway across the meteor. It’s huge—almost as big as Can Town. It’s mostly bare, save what look like large cushions stacked in a pile at the end of the room. Those could be useful, you suppose. Thankfully, your footsteps don’t echo. If every sound was magnified you think it’d be even worse.

Karkat stops in the middle of the room, passing his scythe from hand to hand in apparent anxiety.

“I’m not sure how to do this,” he finally admits, eyes flicking from your long, broad sword to his short sickle. “Should I go alchemize a sword too?”

“No,” you say, maybe a little too quickly.

“Right. Best to practice with the weapons we’ll actually be using.” He takes a deep breath, shoulders hunching up then relaxing. “Okay. Maybe… try to hit me. Then I’ll parry it.”

You take a step forward and just sort of… extend your arm hold the blade in front of him. He cocks an eyebrow.

“What kind of weak-ass effort is that? At least give it a little velocity.”

You swish it towards his side, slowly and carefully like you’re rehearsing a fight call for the first time, and he blocks it with a simple sweep of his arm, the metal of your sword clinking against the inside of the sickle. You’re… feeling okay, actually. Your heart rate is still up but you don’t think you’re going to have a panic attack, which is a start. It doesn’t feel like fighting.

When Karkat leaps forward and slashes his sickle at your chest, your instincts kick in. You parry the blow a bit too fast, feet automatically stepping into a strong support position, knees bent and both hands gripping your sword.

“Nice,” Karkat tells you, and somehow that stings more than his insult earlier.

You settle into a rhythm. It’s an improvised fight scene in slow motion. The kind you might see in a middle school production of  _ Macbeth. _ It’s very much not real, and that makes you feel safe. But that also means it doesn’t serve as well as practice.

“Should we go faster?” he asks after—you don’t know how long.

“Yeah,” you say, and you kind of mean it this time.

You go faster. It’s a dance. And it’s scary as fuck. But it’s not a fight with Bro—you’re of equal skill, and you trust each other. You know he’s not going to hurt you, as much as the trauma gremlins in your brain are telling you that something will go wrong.

Nothing goes wrong. You get sweaty, and tired, and out of breath, and decide to call it a day. No one was injured. You didn’t freak out.

You’d consider that a success.

 

*

  
  


**Karkat**

 

Terezi’s a pretty frequent visitor in Can Town nowadays, when she isn’t off exploring with Vriska (or making out with her, or whatever the fuck they get up to) or hanging out with Jade. She’s bonded with the Mayor over their shared belief in chalk as a snack item (though they have argued passionately over which color has the best flavor) and she always gets along with Dave whenever the two of them are in the same area. (You were a bit jealous—okay, a lot jealous—of their relationship when your meteor journey first began, though you couldn’t quite pinpoint which one of them you wished you could take the place of.)

Today, Terezi approaches you. The two of you are the only ones in the room besides the Mayor, and you’re only here because you told Dave you’d meet him in Can Town. So you weren’t really expecting Terezi to set down the knife she’s been using to whittle a stick of chalk, and cross the room to stand a few feet away from you, an almost hesitant expression on her face.

“I have a question,” she begins.

You look up. “Yeah?”

She doesn’t speak for a moment. If she had pupils you’d imagine they’d be trailing the room rather than focusing on your face.

“Obviously you and Dave are matesprits.”

You feel your cheeks grow warm, even though you really shouldn’t be embarrassed about this. It’s been weeks, dammit—it’s not like she wouldn’t have figured it out by now. “That’s not a question.”

Terezi brazenly continues. “And John is your moirail.”

“Are you asking me for confirmation?”

“More or less.”

“I—” You sigh, averting your eyes. Fuck this. It was weird enough with Dave and John, but now you have to explain the whole panquadrant bullshit to  _ another troll, _ and who knows how much she’s going to tease you and make you feel even more awful about your unfortunate romantic leanings?

“What?”

“I—we—we’re not really in any particular quadrant. Or, like. We’re in all of them. I don’t fucking know.”

You brace yourself for Terezi’s laughter, but it doesn’t come. Instead, she’s looking at you curiously.

“Does it work?” is her unexpected question.

“Fucking around with the quadrants?”

“Yes. Is it… better than just having one?”

“Uh… yeah, for me, I guess so.”

“Cool,” says Terezi. She gives you a quick grin, then begins to wander off in the opposite direction. Your hands are shaking, but man, that was a much more positive encounter than you had anticipated. Is this what coming out feels like?

You don’t have time to ponder the interaction any longer, because Dave enters at that moment, and the butterflies in your digestion bladder start to flutter in an entirely different way. You consider telling him what Terezi said, but figure that it’s not really that important. Maybe you’ll follow up with her about it later.

 

*

 

When you enter the lounge for a good old movie night with your boyfriends, neither of them are sitting on the couch. Instead, both are hovering eight feet in the air, heads bobbing up and down just below the ceiling. John is giggling and doing midair backflips. They start when you enter, moving a little closer to the ground but not touching down just yet.

“Sorry,” says John.

“What the fuck do you have to apologize for?”

He jumps out of the air, heading to the couch. “Never mind! Let’s just watch—”

“Did you think I’d be jealous because I can’t fly?”

John glances at Dave. “Uh, yeah, kind of.”

“It’s fine,” you tell him automatically, and are about to sit down next to him when Dave grabs your shoulders from above and spins you around.

“You want us to carry you?”

“Carry me—?”

Dave hooks his hands under your armpits and pulls upward, managing to get you an inch or two off the floor before your instincts kick in and you let out an indignant shriek. He instantly drops you. John jumps from the couch, face lighting up.

“Oh man, Karkat, I bet we could lift you if we both help!” He leaps over the back of the couch and extends a hand.

You look between the two of them. Okay, on the one hand, the experience is likely to be terrifying, and nothing like flying at all, since you have no control. But on the other… they’re so ready to pull you up into the air with them—share something with you that you can’t do yourself. You just don’t think you could say no.

“Fine,” you say. “But just for a little.”

“Hell yeah,” comes Dave’s voice from behind you, and he winds his arms around your torso. For a moment it feels like a wonderfully tight hug, and then he’s tugging you upward. You try to relax, but it’s impossible not to tense every part of your body as you slowly rise into the air. John grabs your legs, stabilizing you, and you suddenly feel a little better. You let your lower body go limp, and resist the urge to glance towards the ground, which is slowly falling away from you.

“How does it feel?” asks John.

“Not like flying. But good. I guess.”

He laughs, running a hand across your knee. “Success!”

 

*

 

carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling  terminallyCapricious [TC]

CG: HEY.  
CG: ON THE OFF-CHANCE THAT YOU MIGHT HAVE UTILIZED ONE OF THE MANY, MANY COMPUTERS ON THIS METEOR TO LOG INTO TROLLIAN, OR EVEN - AND I KNOW THIS SOUNDS ABSOLUTELY SHITHIVE MAGGOTS - HAVE BEEN CONSISTENTLY CHECKING YOUR MESSAGES FOR THE LAST COUPLE MONTHS, I’M WRITING TO SAY HI.  
CG: ...  
CG: JEGUS. WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER.  
CG: I HAVE NEW MOIRAILS NOW. WE’VE ESTABLISHED THAT YOU DIDN’T WANT TO HELP ME OR RECEIVE HELP FROM ME. THERE’S LITERALLY NO REASON WHY WE NEED TO TALK ANYMORE.  
CG: AND EVEN IF WE DID, YOU’D PROBABLY JUST SPOUT SOME WEIRD PIOUS BULLSHIT.  
CG: I  
CG: FUCK.  
CG: LOOK  
CG: EVEN IF I DON’T HAVE PALE FEELINGS FOR YOU ANYMORE, I STILL IN SOME MINUTE CAPACITY GIVE HALF A SHIT ABOUT YOUR WELL-BEING.  
CG: AS LONG AS YOUR WELL-BEING DOESN’T INVOLVE MURDERING PEOPLE OR DOING SHADY DEALS WITH THE FOLLOWERS OF LORD ENGLISH OR WHATEVER OTHER FUCKERY YOU’VE BEEN UP TO.  
CG: FUCK THIS, I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY.  
CG: I GUESS I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU THAT I’M HAPPY?  
CG: AND I HOPE YOU SNAP OUT OF YOUR CREEPY CLOWN RELIGION PHASE AND START BEING ACTUALLY HAPPY TOO.  
CG: ALSO, STOP HITTING ON TEREZI. IT’S FUCKING GROSS AND SHE DOESN’T APPRECIATE IT.  
CG: UH. YEAH.  
CG: I’D SAY SEE YOU AROUND, BUT I PROBABLY WON’T, SO. BYE, I GUESS.

carcinoGeneticist [CG] ceased trolling  terminallyCapricious [TC]

 

*

 

**John**

 

“Have I told you about Roxy?” you ask Rose one day, and enjoy the way her eyebrows sweep upwards and her hands come to a standstill, her previous task of making tea all but forgotten.

“I don’t believe you have,” she says quietly.

“She’s your mom! Uh. Your alt-universe mom. Or however that works.”

“I figured.” Rose sets down her cup, and her shoulders fall in a sort of contented sigh. A tiny smile is visible on her lips—the smile of someone who is obviously excited but doesn’t want to show it. “You met her in the other timeline?”

“Yeah! She’s great!”

“Did….” Suddenly Rose looks hesitant. “Did I ever meet her?” She must see your face fall, because she instantly backtracks. “I understand. However, if we’re fortunate, it might happen this time around.”

You don’t think she does understand, but you give her a mostly-genuine smile. Seeing Roxy again would be amazing.

 

*

 

The next time you run into Terezi, it’s during a brief foray to the common room in the middle of the night to get some water. She’s typing on her laptop, all hunched over so she can smell the keys better. She perks up when you enter, an inquisitive smile on her face.

“I was thirsty,” you say, and are about to turn away when a sudden question comes to mind. “Actually—random thing.”

“Yes?”

“Do you remember, way back when I first came to the meteor, you gave me three or so rules to make sure I wouldn’t fuck up the timeline?”

She lowers the screen of her laptop. “Kinda?”

“And you told me not to fuck too much with the relationships?”

Terezi grins. “Are you going to ask if becoming quadrant buddies with Karkat and Dave counts as  _ fucking with the relationships?” _

“Does it?”

Somewhat unexpectedly (though you feel like you should be more used to her mannerisms by now), Terezi starts to cackle. “That wasn’t about  _ them _ at all! That was my passive-aggressive way of telling you to back off of Vriska because I was flushed for her!”

Wait,  _ what? _ “Vriska??”

“Yeah! I was certain she had a crush on you, and I was jealous, so I tried to scare you out of making any moves on her! You thought I was talking about the relationships in general?”

“This is news to me,” you manage to choke out, sure that your face is flipping through at least five stages of confusion and terror right now. Vriska  _ liked _ you? Like, actually? God, you really are hopeless when it comes to these things. Well. Time to never think about that again.

Terezi keeps laughing as you turn around, grabbing a glass. And to think how much anxiety that little statement had given you… all for nothing. Sometimes your friends are really annoying.

 

*

 

arachnidsGrip [AG] began trolling  ectoBiologist [EB]

AG: Hey John, what’s up?  
AG: We haven’t really talked much, have we? Not since you first arrived, I think.  
AG: Also, I am pretty damn curious... what the hell is up with you and Dave and Karkat????????  
EB: whoa, hi vriska!  
EB: i totally did not think you would text me out of the blue like that!  
EB: hehe, blue.  
AG: I thought it was a8out time.  
AG: 8ut first! Spill the 8eans!!!!!!!!  
EB: um, we are all dating now.  
EB: that’s pretty much all there is to it!  
AG: HA! I was right!  
AG: Terezi said she couldn’t 8elieve Karkat would d8 a human, not to mention TWO humans. 8ut seriously, everything a8out how he’s 8een acting around you has said otherwise.  
AG: Okay, just wanted to get clear on that. L8er!  
EB: wait vriska!!  
EB: man, i have a million questions now.  
EB: to be honest, i have kind of been avoiding you.  
AG: Avoiding me????????  
EB: well, we were good friends before the scratch, more or less! and i thought it would be awkward to talk to you again.  
EB: ESPECIALLY since i punched you that one time.  
AG: I guess that makes sense.  
AG: To 8e fair, I’ve also 8een hanging out with Terezi a lot. Jade too, actually.  
EB: yeah.  
EB: also...  
EB: okay, this is kind of an embarrassing question, but i need closure.  
AG: 8ring it.  
EB: did you have a crush on me?  
AG: Fuck.  
AG: I don’t know. May8e, just a little.  
AG: May8e more than a little. 8ut that’s completely over now.  
EB: hehe, i’m glad!  
EB: that it’s over, i mean. it would be super awkward if you still liked me.  
AG: Yeah.  
EB: honestly, i am glad that you’re alive in this timeline. at first i thought it might be dangerous to bring you back, but i don’t really think so anymore.  
AG: Ha. Thanks, I guess.  
EB: we should talk some more!  
EB: in person.  
EB: hey, did you text me because you were embarrassed to talk to me face to face?  
AG: No, of course not!!!!!!!!  
EB: okay, if you say so...  
EB: anyway, we should watch a movie together. that’s a really good way of bonding!  
EB: ooh, we have got to watch a nic cage movie! you’re the only other person i know who actually likes those!  
AG: Fuck yeah! It’s a d8.  
AG: Not an actual d8, duh. I have a m8sprit too.  
EB: oh yeah, i forgot terezi was your girlfriend!!  
EB: how is that going?  
AG: Good!  
AG: We’re kind of still moirails too. It’s weird. 8ut we’re figuring it out.  
EB: awesome!  
EB: that is really cool. i think being in two quadrants with someone is better than just one, personally.  
EB: anyway, i have lots of movie nights scheduled with dave and karkat, but i will tell you when i’m free to have one with you!  
AG: Gr8!

arachnidsGrip [AG] ceased trolling  ectoBiologist [EB]

 

*

 

Karkat and Dave tell you that they don’t need to go to the ship again, they don’t want to wear you out, but you insist on taking them. Just once. You spend so much time together on the meteor—why not a change of scene? They finally agree, as long as you promise to take it easy and only bring one of them over at a time.

You take Karkat first, appearing in the middle of the living room. Jade is sitting on the couch with her laptop, halfway through an episode of Star Trek. She pauses it when she hears you, and turns around to grin at the two of you.

“Wanna watch? Or were you planning on doing something else?”

You catch the hint of an eyebrow wiggle at the words  _ something else. _ Karkat goes a deep grey and instantly removes his hand from yours.

“Yeah. Let’s watch.”

Guess you’re doing that, then. You settle in between Karkat and Jade, who scoots over to make room for you. You’re not entirely sure what’s going on in the episode, but it seems to be a fight between the main crew of Next Gen and a group of aliens. Typical.

As you watch, Jade begins to explain the show to Karkat—the characters, their relationships, the backstory behind the fight scene. You hadn’t thought Karkat would be one to get into Star Trek, but he ends up heavily invested, especially when the next episode features a prominent romantic subplot. He goes off on a bit of a rant about heteronormativity and hookup culture, and you grin at Jade and tell her this is a regular occurance.

You make it through two episodes, then leave to get Dave. After that jump, you’re just about ready to go to sleep in the middle of the floor, but you force yourself over to the couch and manage to spew out a couple words about what you’re watching before promptly blacking out on Karkat’s shoulder.

When you come to, Jade’s gone, the screen is turned off, and your head is in Karkat’s lap, his fingers slowly running through your hair. You can hear your boyfriends talking quietly above you, but your tired brain can’t quite make out what they’re saying. How many episodes did you sleep through? You don’t particularly care, but you hope Dave and Karkat had fun even if you weren’t conscious.

You stir, cracking open your eyes. Oh hey, that’s actually Dave’s hand in your hair. He starts, and quickly lifts it away from your head, as if caught in the act of doing something he shouldn’t.

“Hey, you can show John your thing now,” Karkat is saying.

“Show me what?” You sit up, the rush of blood to your head momentarily making you dizzy.

“Uh.” Dave fidgets, left hand clutching his phone. “So, I’ve been making music, right. Experimenting with some new shit. Expanding my creative scope.”

“Are you going to show us your music??” Oh man. You are so ready.

“Karkat’s seen some of it already. I, uh, wrote a song for him. And one for you, too.”

Before you can say anything—and you don’t know what you would say anyway—he presses play on his phone and the sound comes spilling out. It’s… holy shit, it’s wonderful. It’s slow and electronic, with a melody reminiscent of a music box, or of fireflies blinking their lights on and off. Despite the steady beat, it has an atmospheric quality that makes you think of your planet.

Dave immediately starts to ramble when it’s over. “I made a couple different variations. Like, you know the little static-y bits at the beginning? There’s one where it’s more pronounced. And then I did an electric guitar cover too—er, not really a cover, I took a couple guitar samples and put them to the melody and then I ended up tweaking it a lot… but this one’s the original version, so—”

“Dave! It’s amazing! Thank you!”

That shuts him up, and he smiles shyly.

“It’s called ‘Doctor,’” he says after a second. “Because, you know. You make shit better. Like the timeline. And life on the meteor.”

Oh man. Words aren’t able to convey the sudden rush of overwhelming emotion you feel at Dave’s statement, so you just pull him into a tight hug. He made a song for you? And he thinks that your arrival on the meteor made his life better?? You love him so much.

 

*

 

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  ectoBiologist [EB]

TG: psst john  
TG: heres some other shit i made for you enjoy  
TG: savior_of_the_waking_world.mp3  
TG: pipeorgankind.mp3  
TG: green_ghost.mp3  
EB: holy shit dave!!!  
EB: that is a lot of music.  
EB: i am honestly so blown away. thank you.  
TG: nah bro its me whos blown away  
TG: got your breath aspect to blame for that  
EB: asjkhlsjgh  
TG: whoa since when do you keysmash  
EB: idk! i must have picked it up from you or something.  
TG: im so proud  
TG: its the gay way john  
EB: i guess it is!  
TG: yeah  
TG: hey  
TG: mind if i totally switch the topic  
EB: whoa, he asked!! dave is becoming more socially aware!!!  
TG: fdjhhdgfdg shut up  
EB: haha, you key smashed that time.  
EB: ok, what is your new topic?  
TG: timeline shit  
TG: if youre not totally sick of talking about that  
EB: oh...  
EB: sure, go ahead.  
TG: its just a quick thing  
TG: well  
TG: idk maybe not  
TG: you know how you told me about having memories from the timeline before you changed it  
TG: i think that happens to everyone  
TG: not the way it happens to you of course because you were actually in that timeline before or whatever the fuck  
TG: but back when i used to time travel my ass off id always get tons of memories from the dead daves  
TG: and itd sometimes fuck me up because i couldnt remember which were mine and which were from a doomed version of me  
EB: oh no...  
TG: its fine its not like the memories were super different from each other or anything  
TG: but those were timelines that a version of me from this timeline experienced  
TG: no wait fuck that made no sense  
TG: rather like sometimes id get memories from timelines that werent just tiny ones made by a doomed dave  
TG: and recently i had this dream  
TG: it felt so real like i thought it was something id actually experienced so i went to ask karkat if he remembered it and he said no  
EB: what was the memory?  
TG: it was so bizzare im not sure how to explain it  
TG: me and karkat were fighting and also drawing dicks in roses book  
EB: doesn’t sound too weird to me!  
TG: haha well thats not half of it  
TG: nevermind the point is that youre not alone  
TG: the timeline fucks us all over in strange ways  
EB: thanks for the reassurance.  
EB: sometimes i have nightmares about that sort of stuff... the memories where everyone died and all that shit.  
TG: oh mood  
TG: weve all gone through some fucked up shit  
TG: hey bro if you ever need to talk about it hit me up  
TG: im gettin so much better at the feelings talking thing you dont even know  
EB: thank you dave!  
EB: it’s just all really stressful.  
TG: tell me about it  
TG: look at that youre the time traveller of the gang now huh  
TG: taking my place  
EB: haha, sorry!  
TG: no dude im so okay with that you dont even know  
TG: just like  
TG: be safe  
EB: don’t worry, i am not planning to do any time travelling.  
TG: thats probably for the best tbh  
EB: yeah.  
EB: ok, i’m heading back to the ship now.  
EB: good night!  
EB: love you.  
TG: oh yeah man love you too  
TG: you are a fucking amazing person and you can do anything  
EB: whoa, where did that come from??  
TG: idek im just feelin very emotional right now  
TG: i love you and karkat so much im so fucking glad i can spend this meteor journey with you  
TG: god i should stop before i let any more bullshit through my sap filter  
EB: it’s okay!!  
EB: man, i am trying to think of something sappy to say in return, but i’m all burned out.  
EB: maybe i’ll come give you a good night kiss before i leave.  
EB: wow, ok, that was really sappy!  
TG: hell yeah  
EB: actually, fuck going back to the ship. i’m tired and there’s no reason why i shouldn’t just come sleep with you.  
TG: oh fuck yes  
TG: should i go get karkat  
EB: sure!  
EB: ok, i’m heading over! see you soon.  
TG: seeya soon john

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering  ectoBiologist [EB]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the composer of “doctor” actually died recently, so i included the song in this chapter as an homage… rest in peace, and thank you for your amazing music!
> 
> i procrastinated on this chapter by working on the next one, so that should be up fairly soon!


	27. choices made in the present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a necessary wrap-up to a plot thread. i had a lot of fun writing this one!
> 
> chapters like this remind me why i love science fiction so much... there's a reason why this story is called SPACETIME, sexuality, etc, huh!

Typheus’ palace seems smaller than you remember, but maybe that’s just because it isn’t your first time making your way through the twists and turns of the vast structure. You find yourself recalling certain landmarks—a certain configuration of pipes, say, or a mysterious carving on a wall—often just by a strong sense of deja vu, even though the removal of the oil has transfigured some of the building. Nevertheless, you find your way, and even though the place feels smaller, the time it takes you to traverse it may as well have increased exponentially.

You think you’ve reached the point at which you can no longer feel fear—just a dull, aching numbness that crawls into every corner of your body and makes your brain buzz like you’re about to lose consciousness at any moment.

It’s night on the ship and the meteor. You’d sat up in bed at 2 am with a cold sweat and a strong sense that if you didn’t do this now, you weren’t ever going to get around to doing it at all. You shook Jade awake and spouted some bullshit about wanting to visit your old house, and she was too tired to question you. And now you’re here, actually going through with it. And you’re very much awake.

You didn’t tell Dave or Karkat. You’re kind of regretting that now. You didn’t want them to worry about you, is what you tell yourself. It could also be the fact that, on the off chance that Typheus whisks you out of this timeline the moment he sets eyes on you, you wouldn’t have wanted your last moments with your boyfriends to be spent saying hesitant goodbyes.

Of course, you know that’s unlikely. If your denizen wanted you gone he would have done it already. But that isn’t enough to quiet the anxious part of your brain.

Davesprite knows. He knows because he noticed the oil on your planet was gone and demanded an explanation (unlike Jade, who was content with a simple “I accidentally removed it”). He knows because you’ve asked him one too many questions about denizens, given he’s one of the only people you know who have actually encountered theirs.

He also offered to come with you. Because of his prior experience. You both know that what he was offering was moral support rather than just knowledge. You also wonder if he wanted to come because he couldn’t stand the thought of knowing what you were doing and having to wait, in the dark, to see the outcome.

Right about now you could use a companion. Not for the first time, you wish you’d taken Davesprite up on his offer. You didn’t, because you are stubborn and stupid. All that “it’s my Quest, so I have to do it alone” bullshit. In your defense, though, you doubt Davesprite would be able to even understand Typheus. Who knows. But it’s too late to turn back now.

You wonder whether Nannasprite would’ve been able to offer any guidance. She’s mostly been hanging out with the consorts and carapacians, but she does happen to have a bunch more knowledge about your Quest than anyone else. Shit, you should’ve thought of that earlier.

You’re getting close now. The door at the end of the hall leads to Typheus’ chamber. There’s a noise coming from within—a deep rumbling sound, the shuffle of scales against rock. He’s already awake.

You straighten up, take a deep breath, and walk in.

A blinding light assails your eyes, and you have to fling up a hand to shield them. Typheus sits before you, taking up more space than any single being should be allowed to occupy, tail winding behind him in a zigzag pattern as he sits up straight to regard you. Crevasses of blue rock gape on either side. His head is obscured by a mask of light that seems bright enough to warp space itself, but you can almost make out two eyes and a mouth.

“Hello,” says the impossibly large snake monster before you. You’d been expecting it this time, but you’re still surprised by the utter chaos of sound that erupts from his mouth and echoes around the chamber—and even more so by the fact that you can understand it perfectly.

“Hi,” you respond, your words suddenly sounding too quiet, too one-dimensional.

“We’ve met before.”

So he does remember that. “Uh. Yeah. In another timeline.”

“Yes, I know.” Typheus dips his head a little. “I was wondering if I’d see you again.”

“You were expecting me?”

“More or less.”

He waits for you to respond. You try to recall all your frantic questions, but your mind is a blur.

“So… you can see into other timelines.”

“Yes.”

“Can you control them?”

“Depends.”

Typheus’ tone is calm, almost casual, but your mind can’t help but construe an ominous meaning behind his vague words. Is he planning on doing something?

That sudden worry brings the rest of your thoughts back to you. You hesitate for a moment before asking, “Am I, uhh… supposed to be in this timeline?”

“The Alpha timeline is a very complex entity.” Typheus shifts, his tail oscillating ever so slightly as he speaks. “There are certain events that must occur in order to ensure that there are no internal contradictions—that the timeline ensures its own creation, so to speak. Anything else would count as a doomed timeline.”

“Is this timeline doomed?”

“No.”

Well. That’s some relief at least. You’re about to ask him to elaborate when he speaks again.

“However, you have made a mistake. You’ve figured out its nature by now, I presume. You were, in fact, ‘supposed’ to be in this timeline, despite what little meaning that word actually has. Had you not made an error in your final jump through spacetime, you would have arrived in the new timeline at the same time that you left the other. Instead, you transported yourself to a point three years before the time you meant to go to, creating significant—but not detrimental—changes to this timeline. Does that make sense?”

You nod, mouth dry. So it  _ was _ your fault. But if the changes aren’t detrimental…

“You must remember the  Choice you made when you last saw me.”

Shit. “Yeah, I do.”

“That  Choice is now irrelevant, given the way this new timeline has progressed. In its stead, I have a new  Choice for you.”

“Yes?”

“You made a mistake. You can either fix it, or not.”

The words echo in your brain. That’s it? It seems so simple. Heart pounding, you ask, “What would each of those decisions mean for me?”

“If you choose to fix your mistake, I will help you transport yourself and Roxy Lalonde—who was, like you, dropped into this timeline three years before she should have arrived—to the proper post-retcon session. This option would be difficult by yourself, but with my aid you could manipulate the timeline in the way I expected you to before you made the mistake. Afterwards, you would have an even better grasp of your powers than you did after your time-hopping mission with Terezi, which would make you very relevant and useful in the inevitable ‘final battle,’ as well as much beyond that. You and Roxy would keep your memories of this timeline, but no one else would.”

Damn. Okay. In a way, it’s somewhat similar to the outcome you chose when you met Typheus for the first time. “And if I don’t fix it?”

“Everything stays the same. You would keep your retcon powers, but they wouldn’t become any easier to use. You would always be exhausted by the jumps, like you are now. You would be less powerful and therefore less relevant, but you would still have the means to ensure the creation of Lord English, meaning the timeline wouldn’t be doomed.”

Typheus falls silent. So that’s it, isn’t it. It’s a decision between becoming powerful and important, and keeping the relationships and experiences you’ve formed throughout the past couple months.

It’s a very easy choice.

*

Dave and Karkat are fast asleep in Dave’s bed, arms wrapped around each other. You begin to shake them awake as soon as you appear, unable to keep the grin off your face, even as Karkat glares and Dave starts, staring at you with wide eyes.

“What the fuck,” murmurs Karkat.

“Guys,” you shout-whisper, thoughts tumbling through your head faster than you could possibly explain them, “I did it!”

“Did what?”

“I thought I’d fucked up the timeline—I was so worried—I thought my denizen was gonna—was—but then I—it’s all better now! It’s okay! We’re safe!!”

“That’s awesome,” says Dave, and you can tell he’s already half asleep, so you decide to explain it properly in the morning. He moves a little to the left, leaving you just enough space to squeeze onto the bed beside him. No way are you passing up this opportunity, even though it’s far from the first time you’ve all shared a bed—you can be one hundred percent sure of your relationship with Dave and Karkat now. It’s not a doomed timeline, it’s not wrong, it’s not going to be erased, it’s not going anywhere.

It’s going to be okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're so close to the end! the final chapter (or rather, the epilogue) should be coming tomorrow...


	28. epilogue - reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> final chapter let’s go!!

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] began pestering  ectoBiologist [EB]

TG: yo  
TG: yooooo  
TG: JOHN GUESS WHAT GUESS WHO THE FUKC IT IS  
TG: thats RIGHT its me roxy lalonde and u will NEVAH BELIEVE what i have been up to  
EB: roxy?????  
EB: holy shit!!  
EB: i don’t know what to say, i am so happy right now.  
EB: how did you contact me??  
TG: used my crazy math skillz to figure out when youd be close enough to our universe to hit you up on the pesterchum  
TG: ur so close to entering our session omg  
TG: im so excited to see you :D !!!!!  
EB: oh man, me too!!!  
EB: wait, so...  
EB: did you also get transported three years back in time?  
TG: fuck yeah  
TG: what was up w that??  
EB: it was an accident.  
EB: i meant to zap us to the same time we left, but in the new universe, but i fucked up and some really wild things happened!  
EB: like, i turned up three years in the past, with all my memories, and also my retcon powers!  
TG: damn  
TG: cant say im complainin tho  
TG: now i dont wanna take all the credit but i THINK  
TG: i mightve singlehandedly made everythign wayyy better????  
EB: wait what do you mean?  
TG: well  
TG: u know our sburb sesh was kinda a mess  
TG: this time i had three entire fuckin years to figure out how to make it less of a mess before it even started  
TG: its like a do over  
TG: dunno how much i told u bout all our teen troubles but there were a lot of them  
TG: first thing i did was stop drinking and hoo boy did that improve everything like five thousand percent  
TG: stopped hitting on dirk bc that was a dick move on my part  
TG: eventually told everyone i could see the future or some shit  
TG: took a while for them to believe me but w/e  
TG: couldnt stop dirk from making hal but that whole thing went so much better this time around like he actually wasnt as much of an asshole believe it or not  
TG: then i prepared everyone to get into the game and we all did it on time before the red miles came and no one had to decapitate themself  
TG: we all went god tier way earlier too  
TG: avoided all the trickster bs like gog damn we dodged a bullet there u dont even know fam  
TG: shit dude the jakestakes were actually not so awful and peeps legit COMMUNICATED and dirk and jake still broke up but on much better terms and were all still happy friends  
EB: um, i don’t understand a lot of what you just said, but i’m really happy that you were able to change so much!  
TG: yeah me too!!!  
TG: k thats my spiel whatta bout u  
EB: well... since i had my powers, i was able to travel through space and see my friends!  
EB: that is basically the short version.  
EB: i think we are a lot happier now too.  
EB: and i have two boyfriends now!! they are amazing.  
TG: :0  
TG: :O  
TG: are u gay  
EB: yeah!  
TG: me too bro!!!!  
TG: im bi and i have a gf!!  
TG: her name is callie and im lov her  
EB: whoa!! that’s awesome, congratulations!  
TG: yah omg im so glad this time around i got over my whole not wanting to be gay phase  
TG: also i knew who callie really was right from the start so we bonded much more!!  
EB: yay!  
EB: and same, i thought i was very straight but i am actually very gay.  
TG: funny how that works huh.....  
TG: so tell me bout your bfs  
EB: dave and karkat! i don’t know if you met them, but dave is dirk’s ecto-relative and karkat is a troll.  
TG: omg dirks bro is also gay  
EB: yes, he is bi!  
EB: actually, i think our entire friend group is lgbt.  
TG: mood  
TG: except jane says shes straight but like is she really  
EB: oh jane! i am really excited to meet her too.  
TG: yeah shes great!!  
TG: were gonna have so much catching up to do aaa  
EB: what time do your crazy math skillz say we’ll be getting to your session?  
TG: a few hours  
TG: like 5  
EB: oh man, we’re so close!  
EB: do you have any plans for what we should do when we get there?  
EB: is the condesce there?  
TG: yea but were dealing w her  
TG: got this whole plan and it involves jade but rn yall just have to sit tight and wait to get here  
EB: okay.  
EB: i should probably talk with the rest of the team.  
EB: and spend some time together before it all goes to shit, haha.  
TG: lol dont worry  
TG: its def not gonna be as shitty as last time  
EB: is it weird that i’m kind of excited?  
EB: like, it feels like this is the time period we are supposed to be in? and we’re finally doing what we were meant to do all along?  
TG: nah i feel that too  
TG: the three years all paid off  
TG: and us two were stronger and wiser cuz of it  
TG: and its gonna be great  
TG: real talk for a sec i feel like ive said this before but im glad ive got someone who remembers the other timeline yknow  
TG: like even though all the death was fuckin horrible it feels more real and more meaningful cuz u went through it too  
TG: and we both had to redo three years  
TG: and now were back to where wed meant to go all along  
TG: theres somethin real important or special or something about that  
EB: yes, absolutely!  
EB: and even if it was a mistake, it was a good mistake.  
EB: heh, maybe it wasn’t even a mistake at all! maybe i just knew that going the long way round would be even better.  
TG: yeah!  
TG: damn were back into the deep shit huh  
TG: just like old times  
TG: k i gotta do some more planning now  
TG: so with that  
TG: seeya john :D  
EB: see you roxy!

ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering  tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the end!
> 
> man, i have no idea what to say. writing this has certainly been a trip, and while i’m glad it’s finally over, i also had a lot of fun working on it! it’s the longest single thing i’ve ever written, and also my most popular story on ao3 by far—i’ve been absolutely blown away by all the support and patience and nice comments!! thank you to everyone, yet again!!!! your positivity fuels and inspires me so much.
> 
> on that note—please leave a comment if you feel so inclined!!! i appreciate every single one!! feel free to share your favorite scene/chapter, any questions you may have, general feelings, or whatever else!
> 
>  
> 
> you can also find me at https://universefrog.tumblr.com/ !


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